OCD Ottawa (2025)

24/09/2025

For a long time, I thought that the way to self-compassion was silencing the critic. Even though I didn’t realize it, I was also criticizing the critic for being too critical, as though that would solve my problems (it didn’t). The critic is actually trying to protect you, she’s just doing a really bad job of it. For example, if you have ever made a mistake, the critic may jump in and say “Hey! Don’t do that again. What were you thinking?” The critic doesn’t want you to have pain, and therefore thinks that she is helping you even though she is just compounding the problem.

Dealing with this dynamic is tricky because you want to be firm with the critic while also having compassion for her. One way to do this is to distance the Self from the critic. The Self is who you are authentically; she is curious, creative, and confident. She can handle life’s challenges, but the critic doesn’t realize it, which is why she steps in to protect you. By moving towards the Self, you are prioritizing your own voice over the critic and you are giving yourself an opportunity to be curious about why the critic feels so triggered in this moment. Often, it is about a wound that has been re-opened.

By changing your perspective, you will notice it is much easier to have self-compassion. Now, you are having compassion for a part of you, rather than forcing yourself to “love yourself,” whatever that means. You aren’t crushing the critic, you are empathizing with her (and therefore with yourself), and that makes all the difference. You are firm but loving, just like a good parent. That’s an important first step to treating OCD and many other mental health issues.

10/09/2025

Compulsions are what we often call “firefighters” or “managers” in Internal Family Systems. When an exile gets triggered, the Anxious part goes into overdrive, overwhelming the body and mind. As a result, we often react by trying to fix this feeling immediately, which is the job of the firefighter. This is what we refer to as a compulsion in exposure and response prevention. For example, if you are feeling really anxious and as a result start ruminating, checking, or excessively cleaning, this is your firefighter trying to get you back to homeostasis.

Managers have a similar goal to firefighters, in that they want to keep you safe from the intense emotions of your exiles. However, they take a more “socially appropriate” approach. They are proactive, constantly trying to predict situations in which our exiles may be triggered. Managers are parentified children, tired and stressed out from trying to keep us in control. They are trying to keep our exiles safe and contained so we don’t have to feel their emotions, but as a result, we often feel numb and closed off. Whether it’s a firefighter or a manager, the key is to unburden the exiles of their feelings of shame and sadness, so that these protectors don’t feel the need to step in and protect us from them.

This concludes the 4-part series on IFS. The take-home message is that our minds are much more complex than we believe. We have parts that form the building blocks of who we are, and yet hold fundamentally different beliefs, motivations and desires than the Self. Have you ever felt like you were having an internal argument? That is a sign that two opposing parts, often a firefighter and a manager, have been activated. While this is confusing at first, it begins to make total sense once you befriend and understand these parts. They also become less scary because they are no longer strangers.

Inspired by:
No Bad Parts
Richard C. Schwartz

27/08/2025

So far, we have covered the Self, the Critical part, and the Anxious part. Now, I will discuss exiles. Exiles are the deepest, most critical parts of our minds, and are the root cause of many of our personal issues. They are also vulnerable and most often present in the our childlike form. An exile is created when we are forced to repress an emotion or a behaviour, often in a way that makes us feel ashamed. For example, perhaps as a child you were told not to cry, so you exiled the part of you that felt sadness, because you identify that feeling with shame. When you feel sad as an adult, a protector comes in (maybe the Critic), telling you that you need to toughen up. She (the Critic) is trying to protect you from the exiled part, who is stuck in time as a child. Your parts don’t realize you are an adult and you can be Self-led and appropriately manage your emotions, so they feel the need to protect you. The problem is that exiles have a way of coming out when you are feeling tired or vulnerable, and since they have been ignored for so long, they often manifest in an extreme emotion or behaviour.

The deepest part of Internal Family Systems (IFS) work is getting the Self to interact with the exile and tell this part there is nothing wrong with her. She is accepted and loved, just like all the other parts. Other parts will try to protect you from the exile. For example, the Critic may jump in and tell you to stay away from the exile because she is weak. You can gently tell the Critic to step aside and trust you, but most likely you will need to first spend some time with the Critic and get to know her before trying to help your exiles. While it can feel intuitive to speak directly with the exiles, if you do not take the time to understand the protector parts, they will lash out at you for taking such a “risk.” So the idea behind IFS is to be patient with all your parts and understand their dynamic. Just like a family, your parts have played roles for many years that they will not easily give up, so take your time.

Inspired by:
No Bad Parts
Richard C. Schwartz

13/08/2025

You may be wondering whether all parts are as burdened as the parts mentioned in the last post. The answer is: no. The Self is a unique part because it is the essence of YOU. It is marked by 8 qualities:

“The Eight Cs of Self Energy and Self-Leadership
•Curiosity
•Calm
•Confidence
•Compassion
•Creativity
•Clarity
•Courage
•Connectedness”

When you feel any of these qualities emerge, you are channeling the Self. Often, the Self starts off with curiosity and then expands, though it is rare to feel all 8 at the same time. Your parts often try to blend with the Self, which is why you may think that you are the Anxious part at times. The great thing is that all of these qualities are innate, which means we don’t have to work to be compassionate or curious. That being said, it does take work to distinguish the parts from the Self, since parts have been making you believe they are the Self for so long. This is the work that is done with an IFS therapist.

“The Self says no to impulsive parts firmly but from a place of love and patience, in just the same way an ideal parent would. Additionally, in IFS, when parts do take over, we don’t shame them. Instead, we get curious and use the part’s impulse as a trailhead to find what is driving it that needs to be healed.”

Excerpts From
No Bad Parts
Richard C. Schwartz

30/07/2025

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a type of therapy that can be used to treat OCD and other mental health issues. In this four part series, I will describe some of the things I have learned while applying IFS to my daily life. As someone with OCD, I have found that it is a great way to complement exposure and response prevention (ERP) and develop more self-compassion. Internal Family Systems therapy is based on the idea that we do not have one unique mind, but rather that our minds are comprised of parts that have separate (and often extreme) beliefs. These parts have their own personalities and characteristics, and just like a dysfunctional family, they tend to argue amongst themselves, as well as defend or criticize each other. In sum: It’s a little chaotic. But once you get to know these parts and understand their motives, you can begin to empathize with them. This leads you to have more self-compassion, which is the root of any good therapy.

To begin, let’s talk about two common parts: The Anxious part and the Critic. The Anxious part catastrophizes and tells you something very bad will happen if you don’t do something (quick)! It also is very afraid of the Critic, who will chastise you if you do not perform perfectly. When something goes wrong, the critic jumps in, yelling in your ear just how badly you did and how you could’ve done better. The Anxious part tries to protect you from that part, but as a result, often leads you to perform compulsions. These parts are driven by separate though not distinct core beliefs. The Anxious part believes that the world is a dangerous, awful place, full of landmines. Her goal is to protect you from those landmines, to keep you safe. The Critic believes that you must be perfect at all cost, or bad things will happen. She is also trying to protect you.

You may notice that both those parts, while different, are trying to protect you. This is the common denominator with most, if not all, of your parts. Once you realize this, you can speak to your parts and call a truce. This relieves a lot of inner tension and allows you to relax, but it takes practice. These parts right now are probably strangers to you, but by listening to them and comforting them, you will begin to have empathy where previously you may have been very angry with them.

You can learn more in Richard Schwartz’s book “No Bad Parts.”

16/07/2025

It may seem logical to think there are no wins or losses in therapy, but we all have days where we feel as though we have won (or lost) more battles than the day before. Some days we play the game in “safe mode;” maybe doing small exposures here and there, but otherwise just trying to get through the day. Other days we wipe the floor with OCD, taking every exposure in stride. The fact is that there is no clear cut right or wrong way to do therapy, but there are ways to make it more effective.

One of those ways is to have a strategic mindset. If we are just playing not to lose, we will make slow progress and eventually hit a wall. When we play to win, we take those risks on daily, knowing that it could all fall apart. But the win - that freedom from OCD - keeps us going. Even if our biggest fear happens, we know we can cope. THIS is what we should strive towards in therapy.

It’s also important to remember we all go through ups and downs and sometimes it will just happen that you need to play it safe and take a break because there’s so much going on. Just remember to get back to that “winning” mindset - because the goal isn’t simply not to lose, it is to have a life where you have the choice to live by your values instead of being a slave to OCD.

Inspiration: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/owning-it-the-anxiety-podcast/id1449728710?i=1000682794281

02/07/2025

A lot of OCD is chasing that “just right” feeling. I could argue almost exclusively. We want to eliminate the uncomfortable feelings, generated by the uncomfortable thoughts in our mind. For example, if you have an obsession with cleaning, are you really worried about that surface being spotless so you don’t get sick? Or do you want it to be clean to eliminate that nagging voice in your head saying “If you don’t clean that spot, your whole family will get sick and die!”

When we break it down in this way, it makes OCD easier to spot. Let’s say you feel you have 90% resolved an issue, but your brain lingers on that 10%. You keep chipping away at that 10% until you feel absolutely certain it’s resolved. But then, wait! There is another angle you didn’t consider, taking that 100% resolution back down to 90%. Sound familiar?

It’s an exhausting cycle, one that can easily continue if you don’t break it. What if leaving that little bit unresolved is the key to recovery? Even if you think this time is special, that’s how OCD gets you. Try practicing this when you can. Even if you decide to accept the uncertainty and move on sometimes (don’t expect perfection!), the habit starts to become automatic.

18/06/2025

Positive beliefs about worrying can be statements like:

“Worrying helps me cope with things”
“If I keep worrying, bad things will not happen to me”
“Worrying helps me solve problems”
“If I worry, I will be motivated to do things”
“Worrying prepares me for anything”
“Worrying helps me understand things”
“Worrying is doing something”
“Worrying shows I care”

The problem is that we often forget to question whether there is any evidence to back up these claims. Spoiler alert: There isn’t. For example, worrying doesn’t necessarily motivate us. In fact, it can make us feel stuck as we contemplate all the things that could go wrong. Worrying also isn’t doing something. Most of the time, it just makes us FEEL like we are doing something, when in reality worrying involves a lot of inaction.

What about “worrying helps me cope.” Does it? At the beginning, it certainly seems to provide some sense of control and therefore, relief. But as worrying persists, it actually has the opposite effect. We become so wrapped up in the problem that we get completely lost. It can make us feel overwhelmed and in the end, very much make us NOT cope well. So the next time you catch yourself thinking “If I worry about this, the bad thing won’t happen!” remind yourself that this is absolute nonsense.

Source and inspiration:https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/CCI/Consumer-Modules/What-Me-Worry/What-Me-Worry---06---Positive-Beliefs-About-Worrying.pdf

05/06/2025

It can feel like the intrusive thought that comes to your mind must be dealt with right away. This is of course how OCD gets you. If you act on that thought (through rumination, cleaning, checking, or however you deal with it), you are giving OCD power. At the same time, it can feel near impossible to resist acting on it. So what to do?

One option is to postpone the worry. It probably feels scary at first to postpone a worry, because everything feels so urgent with OCD. If it seems too difficult, then just start with a smaller one. Write down a couple of words in the note app on your phone or on a note pad, then go along with your day. Set a time to go back to your worries at the same time everyday. Only go back to it if it is still bothering you.

During your worry time, you may choose to use a helpful thinking worksheet to modify your thought pattern (p.6):https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/CCI/Consumer-Modules/What-Me-Worry/What-Me-Worry---08---Helpful-Thinking.pdf
Do not use this worksheet as a way to get reassurance, but rather as a way to change how you respond to your thoughts. People with OCD tend to catastrophize and making your thinking healthier can reduce this tendency. When you think in a more logical way (by not assuming the worst case scenario is also the most likely), you tend to feel better and this can reduce OCD symptoms.

22/05/2025

A signal is a worry you can control and act on. Example, you see your hydro bill is overdue, so you pay it. A noise is the opposite: It’s a worry you can’t do anything about and have no control over. Example, the fear of being judged by others. The way to avoid constant worry is to be able to sort through what is a signal and what is noise, and address the signals and leave the noise alone. Sounds simple, right? Maybe not.

I’ve gotten caught in a loop multiple times wondering if a worry is a signal or a noise. Something may start out feeling like a signal, but after acting on it and still feeling anxious, or ruminating about it and doing nothing, it becomes pretty clear it’s noise. But at that point the doubt is there - Isn’t this important enough to be a signal? What if I do nothing and I am wrong and there is a disaster!

First of all, my brain loves to catastrophize, so chances are if I make this mistake, it won’t out as bad as I thought it would. It all comes down to the risk you think you can handle. Am I willing to risk interpreting a signal as noise if it means I get my mental health in order and as a result, I feel more at peace? At first it feels like the risk is much too high, but risking your mental health comes with a price too. There is a risk either way.

Source of quote: Stopping the Noise in Your Head by Reid Wilson

08/05/2025

It is a universal truth that humans love the feeling of security and comfort. It’s so natural in fact that sometimes it’s hard to challenge it. Recovery from anxiety and OCD does not mean that we have to disregard those feelings or even ignore them. The shift happens when we change our mindset from making it a requirement to making it a preference. When feeling comfortable is just an added bonus, our expectations become a lot more realistic.

For example, if you wanted to always feel secure, you would never apply for a new job, or try a new hobby, or basically do anything with any kind of risk attached to it. Living a life with safety as a requirement leads to avoidance and not much else. I’m not saying that comfort shouldn’t be a goal, but a funny thing happens once you let go of the strict rules: You end up feeling more comfortable and less on edge, because you are open to the possibility of things not working out every time.

Take calculated risks when it means living by your values. Don’t avoid something just because it might not turn out well. How will you know unless you try?

Source of quote: Stopping the Noise in Your Head by Reid Wilson

24/04/2025

Sometimes doing anything other than listening to the obsession(s) can feel like a distraction. When I am in the middle of obsessing, all I want to do is focus on resolving it, which is often done through compulsions. One way to pause and get myself out of that headspace is to focus on something else. This brings me back to the present moment and away from OCD, as OCD lives almost exclusively in the future or the past.

Is this a perfect solution? No, because once I’m done with the distraction, the obsessing will often still be there waiting. The point is that I showed my brain that I can have OCD and live my life, diminishing the association between the thought and an immediate behaviour (a compulsion).

A distraction, especially one that is mentally engaging such as doing a hobby, reading, even watching a TV show, can provide the space necessary to get insight into OCD. In other words, the distraction can provide the clarity needed to decide whether you should act on your thoughts or whether it is simply OCD and should therefore be left alone.

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