20/09/2024
Whether one experiences perinatal loss, through stillbirth, miscarriage, termination, or failed embryo transfers, and disappointment due to repeated negative pregnancy tests; these experiences all have one thing in common being the internal pain and disappointment that follows, which is just another term for GRIEF. 💜
There is an expectation to continue on and you will be ok; the reality is you are grieving and need time to process your physical and mental experience from the loss, no matter how severe, acknowledgment and time is needed. 💜
How can those suffering from perintal loss process their grief and feel acknowledged? 💜
Below are some helpful guidelines, that my work as bereaavement support worker has taught me, as well as suffering from my own loss.
💜 Ensure you have the space you need to process the trauma of the loss; adjust schedules as needed, make cancellations and don't be afraid to say 'no' I just can't do that right now, and set boundaries with those that can't offer any support
💜 Don’t be afraid to tell those around you what you need; usually people that care want to be there for you, they just don't always know how. Also, men process trauma differenlty from women, so sharing your experience is key
💜 Having someone just listen and feeling heard, can be the most benefical apporach to healing
💜 Moving between absolute pain and grief, and times of restoring oneself, is a healthy approach to healing. It's ok to stay in bed all day watching Netflix; then go for a walk, have a coffee with a friend; attend a class when you feel you can
💜 Find a way to continue the bond with your little angel, such as a piece of jewellery or planting a tree. It is normal to not want to forget, but cherish the memory
Perintal loss is also is the loss of hopes and dreams. From young girls we fantasise about having a baby and being a mama. That is why, no matter your loss or disappointment; it is a traumatic experience and pain that deserves time and acknowledgment.
