12/07/2019
Dear Mommy,
Thank you so much for breastfeeding me! You probably already know that your milk is designed especially for me, and is better than anything else you could feed me.
I know that right now, you feel like your friends who arenāt breastfeeding their babies seem to have an easier time of things. Those other babies sleep soundly and longer between feedings, they drink so much, and they donāt fuss to eat all the time like I do! I can tell youāre getting a little bit frustrated, and I hear all the advice youāre getting ā¦ my grandma says you werenāt breastfed and you turned out just fine, my daddy says he feels like he canāt do anything to soothe me, and that lady with the cold hands that you call ādoctorā gave you a can of something that she says will help me grow faster. Youāre tired and frustrated because taking care of me just seems too hard, but please mommy, before you give up this yummy breastfeeding thing, let me explain some of my behaviour to you. It might help you feel better.
First, if you and I were separated after I was born, for any reason (maybe it was hospital protocol that I be left under a warmer, maybe you were recovering from surgery), Iāve got some catching up to do, because I probably lost more weight than my friends who got to stay close to their mommies. Itās OK ā¦ Iām really good at letting you know when I need some more calories, but itās important that you let me breastfeed lots and lots, even if my grandma says āhe just ate!!ā In my first few days, the nurses at the hospital might tell you Iām hungry and your body canāt make enough milk for me ā¦ but mommy, that colostrum from your breasts is some awesome stuff! Itās packed with protein, which binds to any bilirubin in my body (elevated bilirubin causes jaundice in more than half of newborns) so I can p**p it on out. Itās also a great laxative, which makes it easy for me to get all that black, tarry meconium out of me and we can move on to the seedy, yellow-brown p**ps that are much easier to clean off my sweet tushie. Now, the colostrum is really thick and sticky, and Iām so small and still figuring out how to move my tongue, and weāre both still trying to get comfortable together, so it might take me 20 minutes or longer to suck out just ONE TEASPOON (5-7 mL) of that liquid gold.
But itās OK, mommy! You know, there is really nowhere Iād rather be than in your arms, hearing your sweet voice and smelling you ā even though you havenāt had a shower since before I was born, youāre just delicious to me. And something else you should know about me ā¦ even though I have a really cute āBuddha bellyā that looks all chubby, the capacity of my stomach on the day Iām born is just 5-7 millilitres ā thatās the size of a small marble! Youāre the smartest woman in my whole world, so I know you see the connection here! The amount of colostrum in your breast is exactly the capacity of my tummy! My stomach walls on my first day of life are very rigid and wonāt stretch; this is why, if anyone tries to feed me with a bottle, Iām going to spit most of it back up again, even though I eagerly suck at it. See, mommy, I only have two ways to send and receive information from my brand-new world ā I can cry, and I can suck. I canāt see much, and all these sounds are so much louder than when I was inside you, and I can use my hands to help me orient myself on your breast, but crying and sucking are pretty much how I make sense of everything.
I know it seems really confusing, mommy, that I would want to suck and suck and suck even though my tummy is full. When I suck, lots of great things happen for both of us. I keep my own digestion moving by triggering the involuntary digestive muscles in peristalsis ā moving the contents of my stomach along because Iām still moving my mouth and tongue, which are the beginning of my digestive tract. When you let me do all this suckling at your breast, I can very easily regulate how I suck, depending on why Iām sucking at any given moment. You can probably feel when Iām suckling nutritively and swallowing lots of milk, and when Iām kind of relaxed about it, feeding sort of like Iām savouring a bowl of ice cream ā¦ you know how sometimes, you scrape just a tiny bit onto your spoon, because you want it to last a long time? To me, youāre better than ice cream! But on a bottle, itās impossible for me to suck and not get whateverās in there, and thatās confusing to me, so I might keep sucking because thatās what my instinct is telling me to do, or I might realize my tummy hurts (because even on day 10, my stomach capacity is only a ping pong ball) and Iāll cry and cry because all I really know is crying and sucking!
A word about these instincts I feel ā¦ I really canāt help it, mommy, that I want to suckle so much. Itās just how I came out, and there doesnāt seem to be much that I can do about it. Please believe me, Iām not trying to trick you! In a few weeks, this need lets up a tiny bit, but for now, suckling is my M.O. But, do you want to know something really cool? Iām not the only one who benefits! When I suckle at your breast in these early days, your body actually activates prolactin receptors! Isnāt that amazing? In my first two weeks, the higher I make your prolactin levels go (my suckling triggers a prolactin surge in your body), the more of these receptors get activated in your breasts, and the higher your potential milk production will be for as long as you choose to breastfeed me. Thatās one reason your lactation consultant tells you to wait on introducing that bottle or that binkyā this prolactin receptor thing only happens for the first 10-14 days. After that, the prolactin surges when I breastfeed are much smaller, so the more receptors there are to gobble up what prolactin is there, the more easily youāll make all the milk I need.
Besides prolactin, thereās oxytocin, another hormone I activate when I am at your breast. Oxytocin is part of what makes you so addicted to me! Itās āthe love hormoneā and it helps you feel relaxed and content when weāre breastfeeding. Go ahead, mommy, exhale and relax! Itās OK! Oxytocin release is triggered by ni**le stimulation, not necessarily milk removal (though when things are going well, my stimulation of your ni**les usually means Iām removing milk!). Now, I know this might sound a little awkward coming from your baby, but I need you to know something about oxytocin. There are only three events in your life that trigger oxytocin release: ni**le stimulation (like when Iām breastfeeding), labour (the oxytocin released during childbirth stimulates uterine contractions, which is why ni**le stimulation might be suggested when labour stalls, and also explains why sometimes, after you breastfeed me, you feel an increased expulsion of lochia and maybe some cramping), and ā¦ or**sm!! Isnāt neat that the same hormone plays a part in making me, birthing me, and feeding me, and itās a hormone that makes you feel GOOD to do all three?
Mommy, I know you are trying your very best for me and youāve been worried about whether your body can satisfy my appetite. I know youāre used to being able to measure everything, and your breasts donāt have markers on them to tell you how much milk I got. Maybe you used a breast pump, and that confirmed your worries that there isnāt much milk there ā but mommy, please understand that a good pump can mimic me, but your body wasnāt designed to have all these wonderful hormone surges for a cold piece of plastic with a noisy vacuum motor. You know that feeling you get when you hold my warmth and weight, smell how delicious I am, and nom nom nom on my fat cheeks? That feeling helps you make milk! That feeling is part of the whole system that was designed to make you need to be close to me, just as much as I need to be close to you. And mommy, I know youāre very busy, and important, and thereās so much you used to do before I came, and I know right now, it feels like youāll never do those things again, and our house is getting messy, and maybe that scares you. But please know, every moment you spend holding me, every time you gaze lovingly at me, and every hour you spend breastfeeding me in these early days is so important to me, because youāre all I know. I love daddy and grandma and all of our friends, but Iām designed to be happiest and least stressed when Iām with you. Can you wear me in a sling or soft carrier after Iām milk-drunk? I really like listening to your heart beating while I sleep, and you are warm and soft and smell so good. That space between your breasts is perfectly sized for my head, and thereās nothing I like better than the feel of your skin against mine. Well, maybe there is something I like better ā¦ I love it when you sleep next to me after weāve been breastfeeding. Oh, mommy, when you nurse me while lying down, you relax and your milk flows so nicely, and I feel like youāre so happy to be with me, and Iām very special to you because you donāt have to run off and do something else as soon as Iāve let your breast go.
And mommy, I have a promise to make to you. I canāt say for sure when it will happen, but there will come a day when I need you a little bit less intensely. My feedings will get more organized, my weight gain will stabilize, and sometimes, Iāll even like when my daddy or grandma or other loving person holds me. But today, I need you. Youāll always be my number one, even after weāre done breastfeeding, but I will learn, like you did, to defer my needs and to trust others to meet them once you and I get a good thing going. Thank you so much for all youāve done for me so far. Until you start giving me an allowance, I hope my good health, sweet smiles, coos, and giggles will sustain you!
Love,
Baby
