16/07/2025
My Top 5 Perimenopause Symptoms I Actually Survived (No Hot Flashes, FYI!)
News Flash, hot flashes skipped me, lucky or cursed? 🔥🤷🏼♀️
Instead, I got the deluxe hormone chaos package. Here’s what went down:
1️⃣ Rage so intense I was 3 seconds from starring in Snapped: The Perimenopause Edition. I wasn’t just mad, I was plotting their demise while folding laundry. Had to hide all the sharp objects, from myself. 😤
2️⃣ Brain fog so thick I thought I needed a neurologist. My brain was buffering indefinitely, and I Googled “early signs of dementia” while holding my phone in the fridge. Spoiler, it was hormonal gaslighting with a side of memory loss.
3️⃣ Joint pain so rude I thought I was aging in dog years. I walked like a creaky haunted doll and even my knees started filing complaints. Spoiler, not arthritis, just menopause being a jerk.
4️⃣ Frozen shoulder had me moving like a Barbie with one functioning arm. Needed a forklift to put on a bra and felt like a one-armed warrior in activewear. Hormones really out here making me do the most.
5️⃣ Insomnia turned me into a professional toss-and-turner for 2-3 hours before finally falling asleep, only to be wide awake at 3am arguing with imaginary people. Eyebags got luggage tags and sleep became a toxic fantasy.
Thankfully, HRT and a shoulder surgery really turned things around for me. Now, post menopause and period-free for 3 years, these symptoms are way more manageable and I’m so grateful for that calm after the storm.
If you’re going through this chaos too, drop your funniest or weirdest symptom below. Or just share to warn your friends that perimenopause is one hell of a plot twist. 💥👇