Milica Repensek - Counselling Psychologist

31/10/2021

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Your child ca​n’t be "too attached" to you as a parent. Here's what research tells us about secure attachment in early childhood, and why you're not "doing it wrong" if your child shows clingy behavior.

08/06/2021

About grief and loss and the ending of stages. She speaks in such a real, raw and honest way about the hardships and joys of parenting. Worth following if this “hits you in the feels”.

When we were deciding if we were going to be done having kids, my aunt told me something profound. She said, “No matter when you stop, whether it’s four or ten, you’re always going to grieve the end of a season.” Her words helped me make peace with my youngest being our grand finale.

For the next couple years, I didn’t grieve. Not really anyway. I was still nursing and diaper changing and hiding in the bathroom with chocolate. The idea that we were done held a certain excitement to it. That season was over, that chapter was closed, my body was just mine and no one else’s. I was never going to go through labor again, or leak milk on my dress, or hear phantom crying in the shower (spoiler alert, that last one never goes away).

I think it was probably when she stopped crawling or maybe when she didn’t need the stroller anymore. Maybe it was when she stopped climbing into my bed in the middle of the night or maybe it was when she started saying “about that” instead of “bout dat”. That’s when the grief started hitting me in waves. The day she walked into kindergarten I melted into myself. The pain was tangible. Every milestone my youngest hits I am acutely aware of how quickly time is passing me by. When she started reading, I envisioned her interviewing for her first job. When she walked out of her last day of first grade, I pictured her walking the platform and receiving her degree.

I don’t know if I regret being done, I just know I long to go back. I long to feel a baby kick even though I never really felt like myself when I was pregnant. I ache to wake to midnight cries and smell their newborn skin, even though at the time I felt like I was losing my mind. I miss diapers and nap times and pudgy little hands wrapped in mine and I miss now like it’s already over.

Maybe someday it gets easier, I don’t really know. I think my aunt is right that even if I had four more I’d still grieve being done.

Today is one of those days though when I ache. I miss what’s past and I already miss what’s present. I already miss pouring bowls of cereal and Saturday morning cartoons. I already miss their bed heads and hello kitty pajamas.

I guess that’s motherhood right? Beauty and pain wrapped up in the most precious gift.

Love,
Jess

Follow Wonderoak by Jess Johnston for more real, raw, and funny.

21/05/2021

Not sure who the author is, but many may find this helpful:

It’s a letter written by a child psychologist from a teenager's viewpoint voicing what they are unable to say to their parent.

Dear Parent:
This is the letter that I wish I could write.
This fight we are in right now. I need it. I need this fight. I can’t tell you this because I don’t have the language for it and it wouldn’t make sense anyway. But I need this fight. Badly. I need to hate you right now and I need you to survive it. I need you to survive my hating you and you hating me. I need this fight even though I hate it too. It doesn’t matter what this fight is even about: curfew, homework, laundry, my messy room, going out, staying in, leaving, not leaving, boyfriend, girlfriend, no friends, bad friends. It doesn’t matter. I need to fight you on it and I need you to fight me back.
I desperately need you to hold the other end of the rope. To hang on tightly while I thrash on the other end—while I find the handholds and footholds in this new world I feel like I am in. I used to know who I was, who you were, who we were. But right now I don’t. Right now I am looking for my edges and I can sometimes only find them when I am pulling on you. When I push everything I used to know to its edge. Then I feel like I exist and for a minute I can breathe. I know you long for the sweeter kid that I was. I know this because I long for that kid too, and some of that longing is what is so painful for me right now.
I need this fight and I need to see that no matter how bad or big my feelings are—they won’t destroy you or me. I need you to love me even at my worst, even when it looks like I don’t love you. I need you to love yourself and me for the both of us right now. I know it sucks to be disliked and labeled the bad guy. I feel the same way on the inside, but I need you to tolerate it and get other grownups to help you. Because I can’t right now. If you want to get all of your grown up friends together and have a ‘surviving-your-teenager-support-group-rage-fest’ that’s fine with me. Or talk about me behind my back–I don’t care. Just don’t give up on me. Don’t give up on this fight. I need it.
This is the fight that will teach me that my shadow is not bigger than my light. This is the fight that will teach me that bad feelings don’t mean the end of a relationship. This is the fight that will teach me how to listen to myself, even when it might disappoint others.
And this particular fight will end. Like any storm, it will blow over. And I will forget and you will forget. And then it will come back. And I will need you to hang on to the rope again. I will need this over and over for years.
I know there is nothing inherently satisfying in this job for you. I know I will likely never thank you for it or even acknowledge your side of it. In fact I will probably criticize you for all this hard work. It will seem like nothing you do will be enough. And yet, I am relying entirely on your ability to stay in this fight. No matter how much I argue. No matter how much I sulk. No matter how silent I get.
Please hang on to the other end of the rope. And know that you are doing the most important job that anyone could possibly be doing for me right now.
Love, Your Teenager

09/03/2021

Written towards a British audience, but there’s some really thoughtful nuggets in this post. We can start by checking and working through our own biases.

Those in the UK who attended school between 1988 and 2003 would have been affected by Margaret Thatcher’s government’s Section 28. This was a clause prohibiting councils and, most importantly, scho…

26/10/2020

Don’t forget to RSVP for a FREE online Zoom talk this Thursday on living with Anxiety and finding Calm. NOW is your time. Don’t let this opportunity pass you by. Do it.

14/10/2020

Now FREE. It’s been a long year and everybody loves a gift. Here is a gift to you for getting this far and just being you.

Please join me for this free presentation on living with anxiety and how to find a way through and out of it. If you are looking for a way to exit the endless cycle of anxiety, this talk can help you do that. Drawing on grounding techniques, you can feel empowered, be centred and authentically true in the here and now.

Share it forth to whomever you feel might benefit.

12/10/2020

Please join me for this presentation on living with anxiety and how to find a way through and out of it. If you are looking for a way to exit the endless cycle of anxiety, this talk can help you do that. Drawing on grounding techniques, you can feel empowered, be centred and authentically true in the here and now.

Share it forth to whomever you feel might benefit.

01/09/2020

Parenting is not for the faint at heart. Especially during this trying time, where we’re bombarded with all sorts of challenges on an ongoing basis. With this in mind, I’ll be hosting a new online group starting September for parents all over the country. Please feel free to share this flyer and get in touch if you’re interested or would like to enquire more information.

20/08/2020

This approach may not come easily or intrinsically, but could be something to strive towards.

What is Gentle Parenting? Here’s a quick reminder.

Read more:
https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2015/08/20/what-is-gentle-parenting-and-why-should-you-try-it/

11/08/2020

For those of you on the fence about the group, now is your time. The group has a few spaces left and we would love to have you.

03/08/2020

What would yours be?