20/11/2025
THE MOTHER WOUND WE DON’T TALK ABOUT ENOUGH
My mother, Irma, was the perfect housewife.
Our home was spotless, warm, and safe.
She baked every day.
She cooked meals that tasted like love.
From the outside, it looked like I had everything a child could need.
But inside the home, something essential was missing.
There was no emotional mothering.
No “well done” when I excelled at school.
No hugs when I cried.
No holding, no soothing, no guidance on how to be with my own feelings.
When I was sad or overwhelmed, she met me with silence.
Sometimes even the silent treatment.
I learned early that my emotions were mine to carry alone.
This is the quiet ache of the mother wound:
A mother who provided everything except herself.
And it shapes us in ways we don’t see until later:
We grow into adults who are high-functioning but emotionally self-abandoned.
We become caretakers of everyone else while starving for what we never received.
We excel, we perform, we achieve — hoping someone will finally say, “I’m proud of you.”
We don’t know how to self-soothe, because no one taught us.
We feel “too much” for needing what every child deserves.
Healing this wound isn’t about blaming our mothers.
It’s about finally acknowledging the truth:
That emotional neglect is neglect.
That a clean home and fresh bread don’t replace presence.
That love without attunement creates a void — one we spend decades trying to understand.
But here’s the beauty:
Once we see the wound, we can break the cycle.
We can learn to mother ourselves in ways we never received.
We can give ourselves the softness, encouragement, attunement, and safety
that were missing in our childhood.
