Psychotherapy Vienna- Mag. Elena Padurariu

05/11/2025

When Work Stress Comes Home: The Subtle Impact on Our Relationships

After a long workday, do you ever find yourself saying:
“I’m too tired to talk.”
“Everything’s getting on my nerves.”
“Not tonight — I just need space to rest.”
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. As a therapist, I hear versions of this every week.

What I noticed is that many people bring home more than a salary. They bring tension, irritability, bad mood, and emotional exhaustion. Often, without realizing how much their mental state is impacting their relationships, that this is not "the normal".

In "The Burnout Challenge", Christina Maslach and Michael Leiter describe burnout as a misalignment between people and their workplace — not a personal failure. When one or more of these mismatches exist, individuals are at higher risk of emotional exhaustion, cynicism, and a sense of ineffectiveness.
All these start showing up differently in our private lives:

We are less present
We have less patience
We feel less connected
We are less capable of planning our lives outside work.

And often, the people we love feel it the most.

The effect is that ...
- Conversations turn easily into conflicts because nobody has the patience to be nice
- Intimacy is postponed, so what was once a way to connect with the partner becomes a fight for attention and affection
- We zone out instead of reaching out. Our energy level can only deal with engaging with the mobile phone or with the TV, rather than with a partner.
- Routine becomes work and rest, with little energy for more than that.

Stress and burnout don’t just affect how we feel. It changes how we relate to others. And when we have to deal with its effects, it becomes a continuous drain of energy.

So What Can You Do?

💭 Often, I invite my clients to look at the big picture: to reflect on how much they value work and the importance they want to give to work in their lives. Put on paper the trade-offs of giving all your energy to work first, and see if there is anything you want to change.

On a micro level, start small. Consider one of these ideas:
🌿 Transition intentionally and consciously: how much do I want to bring home from my work? What do I need to do for that?
💬 Name what’s happening within you and negotiate a time for recovery before you can engage. Tell your partner, “Work has drained me today, I don’t want that to affect us,” instead of being irritable for apparently no reason.
🧭 Save energy to plan your personal and intimate life and to prioritize all those things that make you feel happy and alive, instead of leaving it all to what is left over after work.

You don’t need to fix everything overnight. Bringing more self-reflection into your life and establishing what is most valuable to you is the first step toward a better quality of life, at work and at home.

24/09/2025

Role clarity: the silent stressor at work

One of the most common challenges I hear from clients dealing with workplace stress is not knowing what’s expected of them and what the priorities are.
Role clarity is a key predictor of job satisfaction, performance, and emotional well-being. And yet, in fast-moving workplaces, roles can easily become blurry.

Lack of role clarity often looks like:
“What should I focus on first?”
“How is my performance being measured?”
“Am I doing enough?”
“How does my work actually impact the bigger picture?”

When these questions stay unanswered, people tend to overwork, overcompensate, and eventually burn out.

👉 Clarity is empowerment. When employees understand their role, they don’t just perform better—they feel better. They experience more purpose, confidence, and psychological safety at work.

💡 A few ways to promote role clarity:

✅ For Employees:
- Ask questions early and often: What are my top three priorities this quarter? How is success measured? How does this task contribute to broader goals?
- Seek regular feedback. Use check-ins to ask, “Am I on the right track?” or “Is there anything you would like me to focus on more?”
- Track responsibilities: Keep a living document of your role expectations, responsibilities, and deadlines. When new tasks are added, revisit and renegotiate.

✅ For Managers:
- Build clarity into onboarding: Use the onboarding period to clarify expectations, values, and how the role connects to company goals.
- Hold regular alignment conversations: don't wait for performance reviews. Use weekly or monthly check-ins to ensure mutual understanding.
- Acknowledge role drift: When teams merge or departments restructure, proactively redefine who is doing what.
- Model transparency: share your own priorities, trade-offs, and workload with your team. This normalizes open dialogue around capacity and expectations.

Helping people define their roles clearly isn't just about productivity—it’s about protecting mental health.
🌀 As a therapist supporting professionals in high-pressure environments, I’ve seen how empowering clarity can be.

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11/09/2025

The Art of drawing a line: protecting your time and energy in remote work

We often talk about “drawing a line” between work and life.
But in remote work, that line it's not clearly drawn for us—we need to create it ourselves.
Without the physical separation of leaving an office, work can quietly spill into evenings, weekends, and even family time. Add in a big project or a pressing deadline, and suddenly every day feels like one long workday.

Although we may all, from time to time, need to work extra hours, making this a regular occurrence can increase our chances of burning out.

The reality is:
We can’t just press a button to “turn off work", although we wish we could.
But we can create rituals that signal the transition from work to life.

To stop the spillover effects of work, we need to consider all three levels: physical, mental, and emotional.

Physical
- If you can, set up a separate office space and leave your laptop/phone in there at the end of the day.
- If space is limited, even just putting work tools out of sight makes a difference.
- A walk, bike ride, or quick trip outside creates a boundary. (My dog makes sure I never skip this step 🐾).
- Changing the work outfit to a comfy one can help signal that we have entered the relaxation zone.

Mental
- Write down tasks, notes, or ideas for tomorrow before logging off. This will make the beginning of the next workday easier.
- Declutter your mind from everything you don’t need to think about until the next work day.

Emotional
- Keep work conversations (especially those loaded with negative emotions) at home to a minimum. Venting helps occasionally, but constant talk about work problems keeps you stuck in it.
- Journaling can be a healthier outlet for processing stress.
- Learn to celebrate small successes, as this will bring positive energy.
- And most importantly—do what brings you joy outside work: play with your kids, cook, listen to music, or read.

The takeaway:
Remote work gives us freedom, but also blurs the line between work and life. The more conscious we are of the spillover effect, the more intentional we must be in creating rituals that protect our time, energy, and joy.
WorkLifeBalance

26/08/2025

⏰ Burnout prevention starts in the morning: The power of a Wind-Up routine

Just as every piece of music begins with a note that sets the tone, every day starts with choices that influence our experience.

Our routines have a bigger impact on our energy and well-being than we often realize. Research shows that consistent routines help us better cope with anxiety and stress, and this matters for burnout prevention.
Think about the difference between:
- Starting your day in a rush, already feeling behind
vs.
- Starting your day with even a few minutes for yourself, grounded and intentional about what you are about to do.
The contrast is huge.

A morning “wind-up” routine sets the rhythm for your whole day.
It doesn’t need to take an hour. Even five minutes can change your emotional state, boost focus, and help you feel more in control.

Most importantly, it’s about giving to yourself before giving to anyone else. And this counts for the relationship to yourself.

Thinking back at my own practice, I’ll admit, in the beginning, it was hard to set time aside. With small children, mornings felt rushed and unpredictable. But as my responsibilities grew, so did the need to care for my own energy, focus, and mental clarity.
I started small — just 10 minutes of breathwork or meditation. Over time, it grew into a one-hour morning ritual that prepares both my mind and body for the day.
And I’ve noticed something important: the more stress I have, the more this routine counts for my well-being.

💡 Ideas for a Wind-Up routine:
Everyone’s routine will look different. For some, it may be:
- Preparing a plan for the day
- Meditation or breathwork
- Jogging or stretching
- A mindful coffee or tea ritual
- Simply sitting quietly and envisioning the day to come.
The key is to experiment, notice what gives you the biggest return in energy, and then keep showing up for yourself.

Main takeaway?
Burnout prevention starts in these small daily choices. The way we start is often the way we continue.
🤔 What’s one small morning habit that helps you feel grounded and energized?
And if you don’t have one yet — what’s something you’d like to try?

18/08/2025

What if burnout isn't just about work? What if it's about self-esteem?

In therapy, I rarely see burnout as the simple result of too many tasks given by the manager.
Instead, I see people who:
Can’t trust themselves to set boundaries
Strive for perfection, punishing themselves when they fall short
Rely on external validation to feel worthy

That made me ask myself:
What if burnout is less about how much we do, and more about how we measure our worth?
In my latest blog, I wrote about the strong connection between burnout and self-esteem. I am curious if this relates to you, too.
You can read the full article here and give your comment: https://www.padurariu.at/post/what-if-burnout-isn-t-just-about-work-what-if-it-s-about-self-esteem

As a therapist, I rarely see burnout as a simple result of an increasing workload.That’s a one-sided perspective that leaves out the power of the person experiencing it. As if we have no agency in how much we take on.In my work, I meet people who: • Don’t trust themselves to set boundaries aro...

04/08/2025

What is the first step in fighting burnout?

Consistent stress awareness!
A daily record of stressors can serve as a valuable tool in learning to cope with stress.
It helps us:
Identify the main stressors we have in our daily life.
We learn about our typical reactions to stress.
Develop a plan for reducing stress, both short-term and long-term.

But let’s be honest: When you're already overwhelmed with work, family, deadlines, and responsibilities, keeping a log might feel like “just another task.”
Yet the time you invest in tuning in to yourself is far less than the time you'll spend recovering if you continue to ignore the signs your body is giving you.

To improve our stress awareness, we can start with four small but powerful steps:
1. Schedule emotional check-ins with yourself.
Pause at least 2–3 times a day—morning, midday, and evening—and ask:
• How am I feeling emotionally?
• What’s happening in my body?
• What kind of thoughts am I having?

2. Connect emotions to context.
Are you anxious before a meeting? Frustrated with a colleague? Depleted from poor sleep?
Understanding the why helps reduce overwhelm and gives you the information for what you might need. Rest? Say no to a new project? Delegate?

3. Choose a small rebalancing action.
It could be a deep breath, a body stretch, a short break, or something more strategic, like setting a boundary or asking for support.
Small resets help now. Bigger changes help in the long run.

4. Spot the patterns.
Over time, your check-ins will reveal common “hot spots.”
Who or what drains your energy?
What can you change, or how can you respond differently?

In time, as you become more aware of your stressors, you will learn to deal with them more effectively, increasing the sense of control over your well-being.

What’s one small way you’re checking in with yourself today?