02/11/2025
🏥 For the ones who woke up in a hospital and never fully came back the same.
Today Facebook reminded me…
This day in 2019 was my first major pelvic surgery, " robotic ventral rectopexy."
I truly believed it would fix everything.
I thought it would be the turning point.
I didn’t know it would be the moment my nervous system crossed a line it couldn’t uncross.
I didn’t know it would lead to years of surgeries, trauma, hypervigilance, fear, and a body that never felt safe again.
I didn’t understand then…
what medical PTSD even was.
I just knew I wasn’t “me” anymore.
🤍 That recovery room changed me
I woke up in darkness and silence.
Paralyzed.
Trapped in my body.
No voice. No control.
Machines around me.
And that terrifying thought:
😱 “Did I die?”
My mind couldn’t make sense of it.
My body froze.
My soul disappeared into survival mode.
That moment stayed in my cells.
Long after the incision healed.
If you’ve ever woken up like that…
if you’ve felt panic before you could even open your eyes…
if you’ve been told to “move on” but your nervous system still lives there,
I see you.
You’re not weak.
You’re not dramatic.
You aren’t “stuck.”
Your body survived something overwhelming.
😷 Medical PTSD is real.
🏥 Post Surgical PTSD is real. 🚑
And the world doesn’t talk about it enough.
No one prepares you for:
waking up in terror
the alarms, lights, strangers touching you
the pain you can’t escape
the helplessness of being unable to move or speak
the fear that it might never end
the way your nervous system rewires afterward
the way you don’t feel safe in your own body anymore
This isn’t “anxiety.”
It’s your body remembering a threat.
🌱 Healing didn’t start for me when the surgery ended
It started when I finally understood:
I wasn’t broken.
My body wasn’t failing.
I wasn’t “overreacting.”
My nervous system did exactly what it was designed to do:
🔹 SURVIVE
🔹 PROTECT
🔹 HOLD ON
And it held on long after the danger passed.
That isn’t weakness.
That is resilience in its rawest form.
✨ If you're still in the storm
You don’t have to be “over it” yet.
You don’t need to rush your healing.
Your body is doing its best with what happened to it.
There is a version of you who finds safety again.
Slowly.
In layers.
At your pace.
If you're still fighting to feel okay after surgery,
I'm walking this road with you.
You are not alone in this.
🕊️
With understanding & solidarity,
Jennifer Dawn
