06/02/2019
Repost from , which represents just one reason why doula's are so amazing to have in the birthspace. I want to add that the following "tend and befriend" can also often occur in sexual abuse situations.
βπ
π΄π½π³ π°π½π³ π±π΄π΅π
πΈπ΄π½π³β
βββββββββββββββββββββ
Women have a survival mechanism that kicks in when she feels stressed.
βββββββββββββββββββββ
βTend and befriendβ is what can happen when she feels threat is upon her and her baby. βββββββββββββββββββββ
A woman will literally submit to the person she feels is dangerous to her and her baby.
βββββββββββββββββββββ
She will go along with her predators demands in order to not make her predator more aggressive or angry.
βββββββββββββββββββββ
She βbefriendsβ her predator in an effort to buy herself enough time to escape an impending attack.
βββββββββββββββββββββ
We see this kind of response from women often during violent attacks.
βββββββββββββββββββββ
This is also why women are more likely to stay in toxic and abusive relationships.
βββββββββββββββββββββ
But we can also see this response during birth.
βββββββββββββββββββββ
A mother, as informed and strong as she went into the birth, can feel stress and pressure from her provider and she ends up agreeing to unnecessary interventions that she never wanted to begin with.
βββββββββββββββββββββ
Her βtend and befriendβ response takes over because she subconsciously is frightened for herself and/or her baby. She wants to stop the attack.
βββββββββββββββββββββ
This is why support, people directly on your team, is vital to the birth.
βββββββββββββββββββββ
As your body responds to threat, and you may feel like you need to submit to your provider, your birth partner can help bring you out of survival mode and remind you of your original choices.
βββββββββββββββββββββ
Doulas are great in navigating this slippery slope of spotting a fearful response from mommy and guiding her back into a normal physiological state of birth while identifying what is a true need for intervention or an unnecessary intervention coupled with the mothers desires for her birth and bodily autonomy.
βββββββββββββββββββββ
PhotoCred: