23/09/2025
It's been an interesting time in my private practice....
As a counsellor I do not diagnose or hand out labels, but it is interesting when we stop and listen... Not just to the words, but actions, and our felt sense.
How do I feel after I have been with a certain person?
Is the connection real? Is it mutual?
Is it genuine?
As an empath myself I do always stop and look at what needs healing within myself, as only then can I truly support my clients.
They already carry all the inner wisdom to their healing, but sometimes just need some guidance, and tools to access it.
Empaths and narcissists usually attract one another as a result of trauma bonding. This bond is rarely coincidental—it is forged in the unseen echoes of past pain and unhealed wounds. Both empaths and narcissists often emerge from childhoods marked by trauma, neglect, or emotional chaos. Yet the paths they take in response to that early suffering could not be more different. Empaths, despite enduring their own hardships, manage to preserve their light. They grow with hearts that are tender, perceptive, and deeply attuned to the emotional states of those around them. Their experiences cultivate in them a profound desire to protect others from pain, to offer comfort where suffering exists, and to be a steady, healing presence in a world that often feels cold or indifferent.
Narcissists, conversely, respond to trauma by internalizing it in a way that twists their perception of the world and others. Instead of learning to heal, they conform to the darkness that surrounds them, shaping their lives around control, manipulation, and self-preservation. Inflicting suffering becomes a mechanism to feed their wounded egos—a way to assert power, mask vulnerability, and maintain a sense of superiority. Their interactions are often transactional, strategic, and devoid of genuine empathy, though they can mimic caring behaviors to lure in those they sense will support or elevate them.
The dynamic between empaths and narcissists is magnetic and destructive. Empaths are drawn to the narcissist’s charisma, confidence, or apparent vulnerability, believing they can offer the healing and compassion that the narcissist never learned to receive. Narcissists, in turn, are drawn to the empath’s openness, sensitivity, and unwavering compassion, which they exploit to fill the gaps in their own sense of worth. This creates a cycle of intense connection, confusion, and emotional turbulence. The empath gives endlessly, hoping to awaken the good they sense buried beneath the narcissist’s mask, while the narcissist takes relentlessly, perpetuating the empath’s old wounds and reinforcing the trauma bond.
Breaking free from this cycle requires recognition, boundaries, and self-awareness. The empath must remember that their light is precious and not meant to be used as a tool to prop up another’s ego. The narcissist, if they are ever to change, must confront the darkness they have hidden from themselves and seek healing that is genuine, not manipulative. Until such awareness exists, the dance between the empath and narcissist continues—a poignant reminder of how early trauma can shape lives, attract unlikely pairings, and test the resilience of those whose hearts remain open despite the pain they carry.
