After writing this I realised just how long it was, so I might cut it down and do an abridged version one day...
Once Upon A Time....or at least it feels that long ago, I met my now husband (Juz) in High School. Fast forward 6 years, and we’d bought our first home, gotten married and I’d finished my Bachelors and Honours degrees and was undertaking a PhD in plant physiology. My husband and I decided we’d like to have a baby and fell pregnant almost immediately! We named our baby ‘Tadpole’, because that’s what ‘he’ looked like at the point we found out about the pregnancy, and then I promptly started to research our birth options (because that’s what I do)! I decided that a natural, water birth with a doula was what I wanted, and then progressively I came to the realisation that the only way I could birth that way was at home (my local hospitals didn’t offer water birth at the time). I’d heard my friend’s stories of their births and I was frankly a little bit nervous about it all! However, when I spoke to my doula, who was also my childhood friend, she guided me towards an excellent, locally practicing, independent midwife who agreed to take me on (thank goodness)!
**************TRIGGER WARNING************** for anyone who has fears around pregnancy complications and medical procedures, please stop reading here and come back in further down the bottom. In short, we fell pregnant with and birthed a beautiful little girl, Willow Hope, and the care and support I received was beyond incredible!
Sadly, my first pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage, but I felt so beautifully supported throughout this journey that I couldn’t imagine having any other type of support for my pregnancy, birth and postpartum if we were blessed with another pregnancy. Just 2 months after our first loss we found out we were pregnant again! I had some scares during this pregnancy, but thankfully made it to 36.5 weeks - this babies nickname was ‘Hope’. Unfortunately, some medical issues came about that meant that the safest way for my baby to be born was going to be via emergency caesarean - so off we went to the hospital and met our baby girl that morning. For the full story, you can listen to my interview on the Circle of Birth Podcast, or I might share it on this page one day too :) Long story short, hello, Willow Hope
The support I received throughout this pregnancy, birth and postpartum was just incredible, and the continuity of care I received from my midwife was second to none. I would often rave to everyone about how even if they were going to birth in the hospital, they should get an independent midwife for the pregnancy and postpartum support alone! Despite really wanting to have a natural, water birth at home, and experiencing the opposite of that, I glowed after Willow’s birth for about 9 months. I felt so grateful to have this little bundle of joy, and so, SO happy!
When Willow was around 14 months old she started asking for a baby, “A baby sister, please!” Juz and I agreed that a baby (of any gender) would be lovely, but we had a lot of past ‘stuff’ to work through! I wouldn’t say I held any trauma from my birth, mainly because of the incredible support we received, but I did have a big seed of doubt in my body’s ability to bring a live baby into my arms. We decided to try anyway and didn’t fall pregnant for what felt like a really long time, despite trying all of the things (naturopathy, chiropractic, acupuncture, kinesiology, maya-abdominal massage, counselling...). After around a year of trying I realised that perhaps I was one of those women who just couldn’t fall pregnant while breastfeeding, so I asked Willow if she wanted b***y or a sibling more, and she said a sibling - cue the process of weaning Willow. Soon after we cut back to 3 feeds a day I fell pregnant, but about 2 weeks later I miscarried. I had expected this as I’d had a miscarriage prior to Willow, and my mum always had a miscarriage before a healthy pregnancy, so I wasn’t super rattled, but of course was quite upset. I cut back on feeding a little more, this time down to 1 feed a day, and we fell pregnant soon after. This time, I found out I was pregnant because Willow told me I had a baby in my tummy, and when I tested she was right! Sadly, Willow started telling me that this baby was sick, that it couldn’t stay with our family, and I miscarried again soon after. I was devastated - how could this happen, again? This wasn’t part of the plan (and I like plans!). I spoke to Willow and told her that I didn’t think I could try again, and she urged me to, so we stopped breastfeeding entirely and I cut out all of the things I’d been doing (naturopathy, acupuncture, kinesiology etc). We fell pregnant that month, and I found out because Willow said, “I hope this baby doesn’t die too, mummy”. As the pregnancy progressed, it became clear that this bub was sticking around - Willow thought so too. Willow also told me this baby didn’t like tomatoes and, what do you know, I felt dreadfully sick every time I ate them! We named this baby ‘Chicken Patty-Cake’, courtesy of Willow, and Willow told me the baby was a sister!
**********NO MORE TRIGGER WARNING************** You can come back now :)
While waiting to fall pregnant with our next baby, I had the incredible opportunity of supporting one of my best friends through her labour and home birth. I cared for her son and soaked in all the extraordinarily ordinary nature of birth. I loved that experience so much, and I was on cloud 9 for about a month afterwards! I felt so grateful and honoured to have been welcomed to bear witness to my friend’s power, to watch her surrender and open to bring her baby earthside. I adored that I got to hold her son while she birthed her daughter, and got to talk him through the whole process as he witnessed his little sister be born, exclaiming “Baby!!!” as she slipped out of her mothers womb and into her arms. It was truly the most precious experience, and it planted the seed that this was where I wanted to be - supporting women and their families through these huge life transitions!
Soon after this beautiful birth I found out I was pregnant again! This pregnancy was incredibly uneventful, but I still held some doubts about whether I could actually birth this baby, how that was going to happen and whether I would be able to cope with the pain. I had the most incredible support, yet again, and everything was going beautifully well. At 40 weeks I told Juz that I felt this baby would be hanging in there for ages yet, that I was way too comfortable for it to come out any time soon...then lo and behold, my waters broke an hour later! I had the most incredible, healing, restorative and beautiful birth at home, in the water. I didn’t quite believe I would birth my baby until I could feel head coming down through my vagina...it was the most surreal experience! I scooped my baby boy into my arms and once he was screaming and breathing beautifully I said, “Wow, that was so much easier than I expected!!” I was beautifully held and supported by my midwife and doula. I felt safe, loved and cared for. I was home
As I drifted through life mothering my babies, and went back to work as a lecturer, researcher and unit coordinator at the university, I continually felt this PULL to birth work. I decided to do the Australian Breastfeeding Association’s breastfeeding counsellor course, to see whether I truly was as interested in this path as I thought. I gobbled up the information, wanted more, and finished the course in 4 months time! Given my passion for this type of information wasn’t slowing down, I figured I’d get involved in the birth scene. I became the editor for Homebirth Access Sydney’s Birthings magazine and co-founded the Homebirth Consortium Australia, organising a nation-wide rally in support of midwives.
I planned to just keep pottering along, being involved in birth advocacy and breastfeeding support, until my kids were a little more independent and capable of being without me, and then I’d pursue study to become a doula. Apparently, life had other plans! Denise Love, the queen of doulas, started offering online doula training. I saw this training being advertised, remembering that my midwife had done doula training with Denise many moons ago, and thoroughly respecting how my midwife provided me with support and care throughout my pregnancies. Soon after seeing it advertised, I was nudged (shoved-haha) towards starting training by my midwife and an incredible doula who I had done birth education with when pregnant with Willow, who then became my doula-mentor (thank you!!). I told myself I’d just start and see what happened, it didn’t mean I’d have to take on any births, and I was already lined up to support my friend through another home birth as part of my training, so that would work out fine.
Six weeks in to my training the stars aligned - I met a beautiful woman who was seeking a VBAC. After chatting for a while about her options I suggested she hire a doula, rattling off the benefits and sending her links to a few doulas local to her that I thought would be wonderful support. To my surprise she said she wanted me, and that’s where it all started! I finished my training prior to her birth, and then attended the gorgeous birth of her son. I was so awestruck by the incredible power of women, the beauty of birth in its various different forms, and the intuition that women house within themselves to bring their babies into the world in the safest ways possible. I loved this opportunity so much, and was just so honoured to have been included in such an extraordinary experience! I felt like I did nothing at all, and yet the family was so grateful for the support I provided.
This was the first moment that I realised I was on the opposite side of the curtain. I remembered saying the things that were being said to me to my own doula, and I remembered her replying with the same things I was saying. I realised that as grateful as I felt to be at this beautiful family’s birth, my own doula probably felt just the same. I felt humbled, amazed and so grateful, and that yes, this was the right place for me!
I guess the rest is history, or destiny. I adore being able to bear witness to women birthing their babies. I adore watching the transition a family goes through, welcoming and integrating their babies into their lives. I am constantly amazed that women are willing to welcome me into their space during these precious moments, and in awe of the raw power with which women birth. I am humbled by the opportunities and experiences I’ve been given, and so grateful to every person who has helped guide me here, and continues supporting me - doula-ing the doula. Mostly, I’m grateful to the women for teaching me so much! I’ve learnt more from them than any amount of study could ever teach me, not just about supporting women and families, but also about myself.
Thank you for reading if you got this far!
Aimee xx
