24/02/2026
My son and my best friends son were killed late in the afternoon on a sunday .
That night was spent with forensic investigators, coroners , police , ambulance , helicopters flying above like vultures trying to get a glimpse of a family in utter despair , and a priest .
I remember being asked who do you want us to call , my answer was simple
A priest💛
That night for me was spent with numbness that filled the universe , deep into the pit of my soul .
A numbness that still remains today .
For me It was spent in absolute silence,internal chaos , and a confusion that is utterly unexplainable
Trying to fathom what had just happened .
As the bodies lay on the ground late into the night , i just remember feeling numb .
Unaware of the harrowing internal journey that lay ahead .
The next few months were a blur , i now realise just how much God was carrying me through.
And without him i surely wouldn’t have survived .
I’d have gladly laid on the ground beside my son and died too .
But i didn’t , and im glad.
It has been 20 long years since that day , with so many storms and ever changing emotions.
I have been fortunate enough to meet an amazing man who has walked with me through so much darkness in the last 17 years.
Supporting me through horrific CPTSD and loving me and all my struggles ive endured being a bereaved mother.
Together we have two amazing , kind , loving empathetic Children , who have also had to endure the pain of being the rainbow children to a bereaved mother .
A journey that has not been easy for any of us .
The wounds that are ingrained in the hearts of parent’s whos children have died are heavy and not without great suffering .
These days my heart is full , my body is healed from the physical impact and i am so grateful to have been able to find grace in the loss of my life , as well as my son Patrick.
Even still it goes without saying , i do still walk between two worlds.
the one that aches for the life i had where my son was and the one where he is not .
But the love of my family carries me through every single moment.
So much is lost when you loss a child
And sometimes grace is not so easy to embrace .
My heart goes out to all the bereaved parent’s, siblings and families.
May your hearts be filled with love in all the broken places .
Much love barbie 🩷
