29/11/2025
For anyone looking at the stats Iāve been sharing this week, the rates of violence, coercive control, medical gaslighting, financial exploitation and burnout in autistic women, I want to be honest about something:
Iāve lived every single one of them.
Not in theory.
Not in research.
In my actual life.
Iāve had my generosity exploited.
Iāve been emotionally abused by people who knew exactly how to use my trust, openness and literal interpretations against me.
Iāve been verbally and physically abused, including in my work, and even by people who positioned themselves as āsafeā in my life.
Iāve been financially exploited, had things taken from me and turned into someone elseās personal gain.
Iāve been on the receiving end of third-party DV behaviours, manipulation, intimidation, and reputational threats the moment I started naming the harm and saying, āThis is wrong.ā
And for years, I genuinely believed I was the problem. And then I started the peer reviewed, evidence base research, and I also expanded my circle to include incredibly successful, heart centred woman who absolutely set me straight.
Because thatās what autistic women are conditioned to think.
Weāre trained from childhood to take responsibility for everyone elseās discomfort.
To absorb other peopleās projections.
To keep the peace.
To never name harm because āmaybe we misunderstoodā, āmaybe itās our toneā, or āmaybe weāre too sensitiveā.
But hereās the truth Iāve had to face:
When your nervous system goes into full alarm because someone has verbally attacked and projected their own s**t onto you, thatās not you being dramatic.
Thatās your body recognising danger before your brain has time to rationalise it.
And maybe, instead of piling more shame onto autistic women, we need to start looking at the micro-aggressions, dismissals, minimisations, and entitlement that so many people direct towards autistic women without ever naming it as harm.
Because Iām not the only one.
Iām just one of the ones willing to say it out loud, which is very uncomfortable for the people who have benefited from taking from me, silencing me, or standing by while harm was happening.
What Iāve been through has been horrendous.
And I refuse to pretend that this is ānormalā, āmiscommunicationā, or āpart of the jobā.
I donāt want this for the next generation.
I donāt want this for any autistic woman.
In truth, I donāt want this for any human.
And Iām done carrying the blame for violence that was never mine.
If any part of this resonates:
Youāre not imagining it.
Youāre not overreacting.
And youāre not alone.
What Iāve learned the hard way is this:
Discernment about who you allow into your life isnāt optional for autistic women, itās crucial.
I see you.
And Iām standing with you, loudly, because silence is how this continues. And I am about to make a whole lot more noise about it too.
