08/06/2023
There is no one way or right way to grieve … loss comes in so many forms … the physical death of a significant person or animal we loved, the end of an important relationship, career or parenting role, coming to terms with the impact of relational trauma and living with life limiting long-term chronic illness to name only a few.
So much of the work in therapy is recognising, acknowledging, allowing and expressing our grief in the company of a compassionate witness. Unfortunately in a Western grief avoidant culture we are so often left to grieve alone; without loving witnesses to hold the enormity and intensity of the waves of feeling and sensation that move through us at these times and attending to some of the uncomfortable associated feelings that often accompany grief - anger, guilt and fear.
These past few weeks I’ve been grieving the loss of an old friend in France, one of my partners best friends from childhood (S.W).
I first met S.W as a 24 year old backpacker in a bar in Turkey. He’s the reason I met my partner and over the years we’ve spent many nights together in gatherings around kitchen tables sharing drinks, conversation and laughter in the small town where they came from. It’s incomprehensible to imagine the world without him in it.
S.W was an animal lover, environmental protector and larger than life character with a wit, intelligence and charm all of his own. He was unapologetically himself in every way no matter where or who he was with.
And so each day I have fled to the urban wilds near my home and grieved wildly in the company of river, birds and kangaroos. Asked to be held by the strength and solidity of earth beneath me and tree behind me. Surrendered to the caress of icy Winter winds and waters. Embraced by boundless sky. This is what for me has the capacity to hold the enormity and intensity of it all. In times of grief we all need a large 'container' that can bear witness to the unbearable and support safe passage to digest the undigestible.
And at this time especially I dedicate this kinship with the greater web of life to S.W and revel in all that he loved in nature through my body ... relishing all that I can see, hear, touch, taste and smell. What a precious and fleeting gift this aliveness is.
“Grief and love are sisters, woven together from the beginning. Their kinship reminds us that there is no love that does not contain loss and no loss that is not a reminder of the love we carry for what we once held close.” - Francis Weller
If you are seeking a soulful perspective on grieving I highly recommend this book.
The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief by Francis Weller
If you are struggling with grief and seeking free, confidential support from trained professionals specialising in grief, then Griefline could be an option for you.
https://griefline.org.au
Online support for anyone grieving
National helpline (Australia) 1300 845 745
8am to 8pm: Mon-Fri (AEDT)
