Chatterbox Psychology

27/04/2026

Seize the day

15/04/2026

🤦‍♀️

03/02/2026

Let’s Talk About “School Can’t” — The Part Nobody Sees

Every time I write about school can’t, parents message me in tears, not because they’ve failed, but because someone finally put words to their lived reality.

School can’t is not:
✘ defiance
✘ manipulation
✘ entitlement
✘ “picking and choosing”
✘ a parenting issue

School can’t is a nervous system response.
It is the body saying, “I have reached my limit.”

And once you see it through that lens, the entire story changes.

What school can’t actually looks like?
It’s the child who wants to go but physically can’t get out of bed.
It’s the one who gets dressed, then collapses in tears by the door.
It’s the teen who tries to walk through the gate but freezes.
It’s the child who holds it together all day, then melts down the moment they get home.
It’s headaches, nausea, shutdowns, irritability, panic, overwhelm.
It’s the child who can’t explain why, because they don’t know either.

It’s a body-level NO, not a behaviour-level no.

Why school can’t happens (especially for PDAers):
✔️ Constant demands from the moment they wake
✔️ Transitions, unpredictability, noise, expectations
✔️ Being evaluated all day long
✔️ Social pressure + masking
✔️ Loss of autonomy
✔️ Executive functioning overload
✔️ Sensory overwhelm
✔️ Feeling misunderstood or unsafe
✔️ Burnout that nobody knew was building

School can’t usually arrives after years of coping, pushing, masking, trying, and absorbing more than their nervous system could hold.

The hardest part for parents:
It looks invisible to the outside world.
You hear things like:
“Just make them go.”
“They need resilience.”
“You’re enabling this.”
“They’ll fall behind.”
“Everyone has to go to school.”

But your child isn’t fighting school.
They’re fighting their nervous system.

And you’re the one holding it all, the guilt, the pressure, the fear, the judgment, the unknown future.

What actually helps?

Reduce pressure, not increase it
Force makes school can’t worse, not better.

Create safety first
No child learns, copes, or connects in fight-or-flight.

Look for early warning signs
Irritability, avoidance, shutdowns, lateness, tummy aches, school refusal mornings, these are communication.

Explore alternative pathways
Part-time loads, online learning, interest-led education, TAFE, homeschooling, flexible timetables, all valid.

Support recovery from burnout
Rest is not giving up.
Rest is the bridge back to stability.

Use collaboration, not compliance
“What would make school feel safer?”
“What’s the hardest part of the day?”
“How can we work together?”

Know that this isn’t always permanent
Children who experience school can’t can thrive. just not under pressure.

And to the families living this:
You’re not failing.
You’re not imagining it.
You’re not creating the problem.
You’re witnessing your child hit a limit that most people never see
and you’re choosing compassion over force.

That makes you a safe parent, not an enabling one.

17/01/2026

🙌🏼

17/01/2026

Contact us asap if you’re keen to join our next group. Scheduled to commence Wednesday 4 February. Places are limited. Email: info@chatterboxpsychology.com.au for details

13/12/2025

05/12/2025

A very helpful explanation

If I had to describe PDA in 60 seconds…

I’d say:

Imagine living in a body that constantly scans for control and safety.
Where everyday demands, getting dressed, going to school, brushing your teeth, can feel like someone’s grabbing the steering wheel of your nervous system.

It’s not defiance. It’s not manipulation.
It’s a deep, automatic survival response that kicks in when autonomy feels threatened.

So when you see avoidance, what you’re really seeing is protection.
When you see refusal, what’s underneath is fear.
And when you offer connection instead of control, you begin to see regulation instead of resistance.

PDA isn’t about won’t, it’s about can’t right now.
And when we shift from power to partnership, everything begins to change.

NOW.....If I had to explain what’s happening in the nervous system in 60 seconds…

I’d say:

A PDAer’s brain moves faster into survival mode than most people realise.
The amygdala fires quickly.
The prefrontal cortex, the part that handles reasoning, planning, flexibility, goes offline.
The body floods with adrenaline.
Their capacity suddenly shrinks.
And the only thing their nervous system cares about is regaining a sense of safety and autonomy.

This is why logic doesn’t land.
Why reasoning doesn’t work.
Why consequences backfire.
Why “just do it” feels impossible.

Their brain isn’t choosing avoidance,
their brain is choosing protection.

When we reduce the pressure, stay curious, and offer safety instead of force…
the nervous system re-regulates, the prefrontal cortex comes back online, and the child becomes available to reconnect.

PDA isn’t a behavioural problem.
It’s a nervous system response.

And understanding this is the key!

05/12/2025

If you are still unsure about what to purchase for your child's teacher or school executive, I’m sharing my gift choice. I am not joking and youre welcome 🙃

03/12/2025

Info for parents about the upcoming social media ban

03/12/2025

ADHD and working memory

03/12/2025

🙌

How Can We Help Raise the Voices of Our PDA Children?

Our PDA children are some of the least heard voices in decision making conversations, yet they are the ones most affected by decisions made in offices far away from their daily lives.

They don’t fit the standard boxes.
They don’t respond to traditional supports.
They are often misunderstood, misdiagnosed, or left out completely.

So, how do we help people truly hear them?

💬 We translate lived experience into language they can’t ignore.
We tell the stories, the missed school years, the sensory battles, the anxiety that looks like defiance, the joy that blooms when autonomy is honoured.

📚 We bring evidence to emotion.
We pair research with reality, showing that PDA isn’t a parenting issue or a discipline gap, but a nervous system difference needing compassion, not compliance.

🤝 We collaborate, not compete.
Parents, professionals, educators, advocates, we need to unite our voices, not fracture them. Collective advocacy is where systems begin to shift.

📢 We keep showing up.
In submissions, panels, community consultations, conferences, and social media....every time we speak, we make it harder for people to look away.

Because the truth is:
Our PDA children may not always speak for themselves in those decision making rooms, but we can amplify their truth.

And one day, when the world finally catch up,
it’ll be because of the parents, allies, and professionals who refused to stay quiet.

Change starts when understanding begins.
Let’s keep making their voices heard.

03/12/2025

This is where I got my sloth