25/05/2025
Gentle Parenting or Hostage Negotiation? This s**t is REAL
Parenting is hard. Parenting a neurodivergent child? That’s a full-contact emotional sport requiring a level of patience, that no one actually has, Google Scholar qualifications, and a stash of emergency snacks you’re legally not obligated to share. I’m not on the spectrum, but parenting a child who is has taught me more about negotiation, emotional resilience, and power outages than I ever anticipated.
Let me take you on a ride through the beautiful, unpredictable, and often side-splitting world of being a spectrum mum, where gentle parenting looks a lot like hostage negotiation… but with less SWAT and more weighted blankets. The Most use saying in our family “I Will not negotiate with a terrorist” We watch a lot of SWAT, NCIS in this house!!!!
Gentle parenting isn’t for the faint-hearted. It's not just whispering kind affirmations while your child attempts to body slam you over incorrect toothpaste or even the suggestion they clean their teeth. It's about calmly talking through choices making it feel like it is their idea of course, even while dodging whatever object is close by for them to throw.
We're told it’s about setting firm boundaries with kindness and empathy. In practice? It’s more like:
“I understand you feel disrespected because the chicken nuggets had the wrong crumb, and yes, I agree, the packaging was suspiciously different. But saying the company has done it deliberately and only to your nuggets and you will sue them might be a little strong. Let’s breathe through this, after an hour of discussion around the differences and why they would target him in particular!!!!
It’s active engagement with a splash of desperate inner screaming. It’s the art of remaining calm while your child stages a protest over toilet-flushing logistics during a blackout (spoiler: yes, it can flush, but only after a full briefing with diagrams and a backup torchlight).
And it’s about navigating moments when a simple bedtime routine ends with the police knocking at your door. Why? Because our darling called them to report being “made to go to bed and pushed down forcefully on his bed” at 8:30pm. The officers, bless them, had a good chat about domestic discipline laws. Again another line that is common in our house is “It’s Called Domestic Discipline”
When You Have to Laugh or You’ll Cry (Or Both)
Humour isn’t just a coping mechanism in this house, it’s survival.
Like the time his older brother had absolutely had enough and decided the best response was to duct tape his younger sibling to a chair. I walked in, frozen in parental horror, only to be met with a casual, “He said it was fine.” Nothing to see here, Mum. Life is normal.
Or the genius moment, and I do mean genius, when he was locked out of his classroom. While some might sulk, not this one. No, he found a way to hack into the school’s speaker system and got his music to play through the entire school. It was giving DJ-turned-revolutionary vibes. Low-key iconic. In My mind it wasn’t the why it was “F**k yes that’s genius and HOW”
Then there are the high-stakes food situations. Chicken nuggets? A staple. But if the company dares switch the crumb and slap on some trendy new branding, all hell breaks loose. That night we weren’t just dealing with “wrong dinner.” We were navigating a breach of trust and the injustice!!!!
But Beneath the Madness … is magic.
Because what others see as defiance or drama, I’ve learned to see as deep processing, cleverness, and communication in its rawest form.
There’s intelligence in the chaos. Wit in the wildness. Beauty in the breakdown over packaging design and classroom speaker hacks.
Gentle parenting here isn’t about being permissive. It’s about navigating emotional hurricanes while teaching your child that they are safe, heard, and deeply loved. Even when the chicken is wrong.
In Case You Need to Hear It
To the other spectrum mums and dads out there, standing in the kitchen trying not to sob into your tea: I see you.
To the ones negotiating over pants, Pokémon facts, or why the fan can’t stay on during a thunderstorm blackout: you’re doing sacred work.
And to anyone who's ever gently explained why duct taping your brother is not an ideal solution, while also admiring the sibling cooperation? You're nailing it.
We are the calm in the storm. The eye in the cyclone. The parents who know that when everything goes sideways, sometimes the only thing you can do is laugh… then write a blog post about it.
So, whether you’re sipping cold coffee, Googling “can I survive on nuggets and tears,” or hiding in the car for five minutes of silence: you are not alone. You’re a legend. You’re doing the impossible.
And if you’ve made it this far, just remember, it’s not giving in.
It’s advanced negotiation… in glitter-covered pajamas that you have probably been wearing for a week now.
It's an honour that they have chosen us to guide them through and teach us the lessons we have needed.
For our younger mums and dads with only a year or two into this amazing journey just remember that you’ve got this and when people tell you there is something wrong or you aren’t doing this and aren’t doing go into your heart and let your intuition give you the answer!!! YOU made these beautiful little people (Most days you will feel that) so let them be exactly who they need to be.
All the Therapies in the world will not make your little person someone else who may or may not be accepted by society. News Flash they really don’t care if they are accepted or not!! Unlike us they are happy exactly how they are because they don’t have the ingrained patterning. It’s not in their programming!!
Feel free to share this with anyone who needs a little pep up!!
Much Love
BB
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