Consciousness Formula

20/12/2025

Some services or colleagues may not agree with what I share here, and I’m okay with that.

This is my perspective on family violence, shaped by working in the sector since 2008. There has always been a strong emphasis on “not colluding” with men who use violence. In many workplaces I’ve worked in, we were expected to challenge men from the beginning. If we didn’t actively challenge them, it was often seen as collusion.

I remember, in one of my supervisions, I was told not to nod my head when a man was sharing his story or justifying his behaviour, that nodding itself could be seen as agreement. The expectation was to challenge and hold men accountable.

I understand the intention behind this. Accountability matters. Impact matters. Harm must be named.

But something about this “approach” never fully sat right with me.

If we challenge men from the very start, without first listening, and empathising are we modelling something different or are we unintentionally replicating the same dynamics of power, dominance, and dismissal that we are asking them to unlearn⁉️

As professionals, what sorts of behaviours are we modelling❓

I believe this approach is, in itself, a form of collusion. 🤷🏽‍♂️

For me, nodding my head does not mean agreement. It means I am listening. I am present. I am paying attention. Empathy is not endorsement. Understanding is not excusing.

I believe men are more able to take responsibility when they feel heard and held accountable, not shamed, shut down, or met with force.
👉🏽 Accountability without empathy hardens defences.
👉🏽 Empathy without accountability minimises harm.

The work lives in holding both. That balance matters, for men, for partners, and especially for children.

🌟I share this openly here because I am values-driven, and I choose to work only in environments that align with my personal and professional values.

16/12/2025

Turn off all the screens for a moment.

Feel the ground beneath your feet.
Let the sun touch your face.
Look at the flowers and smell them.
Say hello to strangers.
Offer your heart some kindness.
Hold the people you love close.
Sit without doing anything.
Laugh freely with friends.

Be present- right here, right now.
This is the only place where love can truly take shape.

We are all HUMAN.

15/12/2025

What happened in Bondi is sitting heavy in my heart.

Having lived through war and witnessed loss, and then coming to Australia as an asylum seeker, I don’t take safety for granted. I love this country and feel deeply grateful for the life I have here.

At the core, we all share the same need for safety, belonging, care and dignity.

Moments like this remind me how important it is to come together with compassion, rather than division.

💐💙 My heart is with everyone affected.

29/11/2025

28/11/2025

I took part in the Walk Against Family Violence today, alongside more than 10,000 people.

In Victoria, this walk is a key event during the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence – a global campaign focused on preventing and ending violence against women.

It was powerful to stand with so many individuals, families, and organisations committed to creating safer communities. Ending family violence requires all of us, and today was a strong reminder of what we can achieve when we come together.

19/11/2025

𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐌𝐞𝐧’𝐬 𝐃𝐚𝐲: 𝐄𝐱𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐁𝐞𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 “𝐌𝐚𝐧 𝐁𝐨𝐱”

Today is International Men’s Day, a moment to reflect.
For generations, boys and men have been shaped by the unspoken rules of the “man box”:
- Don’t show weakness.
- Stay in control.
- Sort it out yourself.
- Don’t talk about feelings.
- Be successful

Anger is acceptable, vulnerability is not.

These beliefs don’t make men stronger, they make them silent and often detached.

When emotions are pushed down long enough, they often come out through aggression, defensiveness, shutting down, or other harmful behaviours. Not because men are “bad” or “toxic,” but because they were never given safe pathways to express or reflect on their trauma, fear, grief, stress, or shame.

Aggression is often unspoken pain.
Defensiveness is often fear of not being enough.
Silence is often protection from judgment.

When men are given space to talk honestly, without pressure to “perform” masculinity, something powerful shifts.
👉🏽 Connection grows.
👉🏽 Responsibility becomes grounded.
👉🏽 Harmful behaviours begin to change.

Healthy masculinity is not about being aggressive or invulnerable.
It’s about the courage to take responsibility, self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and stepping outside the limits of the man box.

Today, I acknowledge the men who are learning to become the best version of themselves, unlearning what they learned from the patriarchy and our society about what it means to be a man, and choosing growth, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Let’s keep creating spaces where men can show up as their full, human selves.

Happy International Men’s Day

14/11/2025

04/11/2025

💔𝐋𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐫 𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐈𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚
Trauma isn’t always loud or obvious. It can quietly shape how we think, feel, and respond to life, often without us realising it.

It can look like…
- Feeling uneasy when things are going well
- Guilt for resting or relaxing
- Changing yourself to avoid conflict
- Avoiding silence because it feels unsafe - Refusing help because you’ve learned to survive alone
- Downplaying dreams to avoid disappointment
- Carrying tension in your body without knowing why
- Escaping into daydreams just to cope

As Dr. Bessel van der Kolk says in The Body Keeps the Score, “The body keeps the score, it remembers what the mind forgets.”
But new research from trauma experts like Dr. Stephen Porges (Polyvagal Theory) and Dr. Peter Levine reminds us that we don’t always need to revisit or analyse the past to heal. We don’t have to keep talking about it to heal. There are new tools available.

True healing happens when our nervous system learns to feel safe in the present moment.

Healing isn’t about reliving the story, it’s about helping the body remember that it’s safe to live now.💙
☀️Rise & Thrive💙

31/10/2025

Gratitude like this reminds me why I do what I do.
Seeing clients grow, heal, and find peace in their everyday lives is truly fulfilling. It’s not just about overcoming challenges, it’s about becoming the person you’ve always wanted to be.

Every moment of awareness, reflection, and self-compassion adds up to lasting transformation. 🙏🏽✨

30/10/2025

❤️

28/10/2025

𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁, 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻’𝘁 𝗯𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱.

Working in the family violence sector, I often see this, many people believe that being “right” will bring resolution.

But every time we try to be “right”, we are directly or indirectly saying, “Who you are or how you feel right now isn’t acceptable until it matches my view.”

True connection requires letting go of the need to win. When you stay focused on winning the argument, you lose that relationship.

We often think that, if we can just explain clearly enough, argue well enough, or fix what’s wrong, the relationship will finally feel safe again.

But relationships aren’t built through logic, they’re built through connection.

👉🏽When we focus on being right, we stop listening.
👉🏽When we focus on fixing, we stop seeing.
❓What are the impacts of this on your partner and your relationship?

The need to fix often comes from discomfort, our nervous system feels unsettled by someone else’s pain or difference. So we reach for control instead of curiosity.

When you invite curiosity and empathy, you choose understanding and connection.

Healthy relationships aren’t about agreement, they’re about safety, empathy, connection and the willingness to stay open even when it’s uncomfortable.

☀️Rise & Thrive💙

27/10/2025

𝗦𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝘄𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗵 𝗶𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗱. 𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗺𝗲𝗱.

Many people try to build self-worth through constant achievement, working harder, giving more, helping everyone else first.

It works for a while.
Until exhaustion sets in… and the question quietly appears: 👉🏽 “When is it ever enough?”

The truth is, self-worth doesn’t grow through performance.
💥 It grows through alignment, when what you do matches who you know yourself to be.

Building genuine self-worth involves:
👉🏽 Honouring your boundaries instead of people-pleasing.
👉🏽 Valuing rest and reflection as much as productivity.
👉🏽 Recognising that your worth isn’t measured by output, but by presence, integrity, and growth.

When we stop chasing worthiness, our nervous system finds rhythm.
We start creating, leading, and connecting from stability -not survival.

You don’t need to prove your value.
You need to remember it.

🤔 What’s one way you can honour your self-worth this week❓