Consciousness Formula

14/01/2026

I was reading about Kohlberg’s stages of moral reasoning recently, the one with the Heinz dilemma about whether a man should steal medicine to save his wife. It lays out how people think about right and wrong in terms of punishment, rules, approval, and ethics.

But working with men in family violence and behaviour change programs, I often see another layer that doesn’t show up in those examples.

In psychology, a lot of moral theories focus on the individual. What is right, what is fair, what is safe, and what protects people’s rights. That makes sense in individual-focused cultures, where people are taught to think in terms of “me”, “my choices”, and “my responsibility”.

But many of the men I work with don’t come from that kind of cultural lens.

In many family- and community-focused cultures, behaviour is not just about the individual. What a person does reflects on their parents, their family, their community, and sometimes even their whole culture or country. Honour and shame are shared. Guilt is carried by a much bigger circle.

So when a man from these backgrounds is asked to face his use of violence, he is often dealing with more than personal guilt. He may be carrying the fear that admitting harm will shame his family, disappoint his community, or make his people look bad. That creates a deep moral conflict inside.

This is one of the reasons some men in Men’s Behaviour Change or Caring Dads programs appear defensive, withdrawn, or minimising. It can look like a lack of accountability, but often it is a struggle between taking responsibility and protecting their sense of belonging and identity.

As practitioners, this matters. Behaviour change is not just about teaching skills or enforcing rules. It is about helping men move through these moral and cultural tensions in a way that allows them to own their behaviour without feeling like they have to lose who they are, or fear being rejected by their people.

When we can hold both accountability and cultural context, we create the conditions for real and lasting change.

11/01/2026

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on karma, not as fate, punishment, or something woo woo happening to us, but in its most literal meaning.

Karma means action, literally.

What I’m noticing is that most action doesn’t begin in the world.
It begins internally:
👉🏽In the thoughts we repeat.
👉🏽The meanings we attach to them.
👉🏽The way the mind reaches for certain experiences and pushes others away.

From one angle, it’s cause and effect.
From another, it’s spiritual law.
Either way, the mechanism is simple.

A thought arises.
We attach to it.
That attachment shapes perception.
Perception drives response.
Response creates consequence.

That unfolding is karma.

What keeps the cycle going isn’t the experience itself, it’s attachment.
- Attachment to being right.
- Attachment to pleasure.
- Attachment to pain.
- Attachment to how things should be.

Through a karmic lens, attachment to positive and negative experiences is treated the same.
🤷🏽‍♂️Wanting something to stay and wanting something to go are two expressions of the same movement.
Both bind the mind.
Both create momentum.

Suffering, from this view, isn’t caused by life being difficult.
It’s caused by the GRIP we place on experience.

Most of our karma is quiet.
🧠 Mental.
♾️ Repetitive.

It’s the same inner reactions playing out again and again, shaping our lives without us realising we’re participating.

I want to be clear:
I’m not a guru.
I’m not teaching a philosophy.
I’m just a dude paying attention to where I’m attached and taking responsibility for what those attachments create.

Some days I see it clearly.
Some days I don’t.
But the practice, for me, is honesty rather than performance.

Spirituality, as I’m living it, isn’t about transcending life.
It’s about loosening the grip.
Unlearning things that keep us stuck in that loop. 🔁

Change hasn’t come from forcing different outcomes.
It comes from becoming AWARE where the action really starts, and learning, slowly, to hold a little less tightly.

That’s the work.

Love,
Haran

07/01/2026

Fear rarely announces itself as fear.

It shows up as logic.
Overanalysis.
Justification.
I need more time.
I’m not ready yet.
Let me research more and understand this fully first.

That is not wisdom.
That is protection.

Most of us do not say I am scared.
We say it does not make sense, the timing is wrong, I need certainty.
We build clean mental arguments to avoid a messy truth. Moving forward threatens an identity we have already outgrown.

Change activates fear because it asks for loss.
Loss of familiarity.
Loss of who we have been.
Loss of the story that kept us safe.

So we think harder instead of feeling honestly.
We get into our head, instead of our heart.
We analyse instead of deciding.
We wait for confidence instead of acting with integrity.

Here is the uncomfortable part.
Fear does not mean stop.
More often, it means this matters.

Every real shift in life creates internal resistance. A new direction, a new boundary, a new version of self will unsettle the system. That is not a problem to fix. That is a signal you are crossing a threshold.

The work is not to eliminate fear.
The work is to stop disguising fear as reason.

At some point, clarity does not come from more thinking.
It comes from choosing, even while fear is present, and letting action reveal who you are now.

This is not about motivation or positivity.
It is about self-honesty.

What are you losing in your life when you let fear run your life?
How do you think your life will change when you really live your life without fear controlling how you live your life.

03/01/2026

Most people don’t need another insight.
The issue isn’t awareness.
It’s misalignment between who you are now and the internal systems still running the show.

They need to stop operating from an identity that kept them safe and helped them survive but now keeps them small.

When that gap exists, life feels heavier than it should.
Decisions drag.
Momentum fragments.
Feel exhausted.
Money and direction wobble without obvious crisis.

That’s not a motivation problem.
It’s an outdated internal map.

This work is about recalibration, not self-improvement.

A short, contained period designed to reorganise identity, nervous system, and decision-making so movement becomes clean again.

No hype.
No emotional escalation.

Pressure decreases.
Clarity becomes embodied rather than conceptual.

❌This is not for people looking to be held.
❌This is not for people looking for more information.

✅This is for people who already understand whats happening in their life and are done carrying identities built for survival.

The structure is intentional.
Limited duration.
Small numbers.
Direct engagement.

Long enough to shift what matters.
Short enough to prevent overprocessing.

This begins early Feb.

If this resonates, you know what to do.

🔆 Reach out when you’re ready to move forward.

28/12/2025

This year, the word that kept returning to me was “authenticity.”

Not as a personality.
Not as some spiritual badge of honour.

Just… a mirror 🪞

And honestly, I didn’t like it at first.
Because authenticity meant seeing myself clearly - including the parts I was still performing.
Including the parts that I didn’t want to acknowledge or accept…

It meant catching the places where I was still pretending I was okay.
Where I said I was “aligned” but my body was tired of being negotiated with.
Where I was teaching clarity I hadn’t fully embodied.
Where I was betraying my nervous system to stay in identities I’d outgrown.

So I’m not going to stand here and say
“I’m finally authentic now.”

That would be another performance 🎭 and I’m done with that.

What shifted is this:
I learned how to catch my own bu****it 🐂 without turning it into a personality flaw.
Without the shame spiral.
Without abandoning myself for messing up.
Without trying to be “perfect” or beating myself up about my mistakes.

Just truth → accountability → adjustment.
Not perfectly.
Just honestly.

🛑 Authenticity isn’t a trophy.
It’s not a destination.
It’s the moment I stop negotiating with what I already know.

It’s the moment I return to my body before I return to the world.
Learning to honour myself…

So next year⁉️
👉🏽 I’m not doing resolutions.
I’m not upgrading myself like an app.
I’m not trying to become “the next version” on command.

I’m choosing something quieter:
To stop performing who I think I should be, and to live as who I actually am -even if that’s messy, slow or incomplete.

That’s my soul’s call.
To build from truth, not from pressure.
To guide without pretending to be above the work.
To serve without performing the persona. 👺
To step into more of me, not more of what looks good. 💙

If this year felt like you outgrew a version of yourself and you’re not sure who you’re becoming next:
🌟You’re not behind.
🌟You’re not late.
🌟You’re not failing.

You’re just becoming incompatible with self-abandonment.
♨️That is self-respect in progress. 🫡

If your body softened reading this - even a little - I see you.

May your next year feel like coming home 🏠

☀️Rise & Thrive💙

27/12/2025

𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲.
I help them find clarity in their body first… before the mind tries to negotiate it.

My work isn’t about “being better.”
It’s about no longer abandoning yourself.

We stabilise the nervous system.
We release the identity built for survival.
We rebuild the identity that can actually live.

Not perfectly.
But honestly.
In the body.
At the pace of clarity — not pressure.

If you’re in a season of undoing, unlearning, or remembering…
and you don’t want to do it alone:
my door is open.

DM: 𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌 if you want support in this work.

☀️Rise & Thrive💙

20/12/2025

Some services or colleagues may not agree with what I share here, and I’m okay with that.

This is my perspective on family violence, shaped by working in the sector since 2008. There has always been a strong emphasis on “not colluding” with men who use violence. In many workplaces I’ve worked in, we were expected to challenge men from the beginning. If we didn’t actively challenge them, it was often seen as collusion.

I remember, in one of my supervisions, I was told not to nod my head when a man was sharing his story or justifying his behaviour, that nodding itself could be seen as agreement. The expectation was to challenge and hold men accountable.

I understand the intention behind this. Accountability matters. Impact matters. Harm must be named.

But something about this “approach” never fully sat right with me.

If we challenge men from the very start, without first listening, and empathising are we modelling something different or are we unintentionally replicating the same dynamics of power, dominance, and dismissal that we are asking them to unlearn⁉️

As professionals, what sorts of behaviours are we modelling❓

I believe this approach is, in itself, a form of collusion. 🤷🏽‍♂️

For me, nodding my head does not mean agreement. It means I am listening. I am present. I am paying attention. Empathy is not endorsement. Understanding is not excusing.

I believe men are more able to take responsibility when they feel heard and held accountable, not shamed, shut down, or met with force.
👉🏽 Accountability without empathy hardens defences.
👉🏽 Empathy without accountability minimises harm.

The work lives in holding both. That balance matters, for men, for partners, and especially for children.

🌟I share this openly here because I am values-driven, and I choose to work only in environments that align with my personal and professional values.

16/12/2025

Turn off all the screens for a moment.

Feel the ground beneath your feet.
Let the sun touch your face.
Look at the flowers and smell them.
Say hello to strangers.
Offer your heart some kindness.
Hold the people you love close.
Sit without doing anything.
Laugh freely with friends.

Be present- right here, right now.
This is the only place where love can truly take shape.

We are all HUMAN.

15/12/2025

What happened in Bondi is sitting heavy in my heart.

Having lived through war and witnessed loss, and then coming to Australia as an asylum seeker, I don’t take safety for granted. I love this country and feel deeply grateful for the life I have here.

At the core, we all share the same need for safety, belonging, care and dignity.

Moments like this remind me how important it is to come together with compassion, rather than division.

💐💙 My heart is with everyone affected.

29/11/2025

28/11/2025

I took part in the Walk Against Family Violence today, alongside more than 10,000 people.

In Victoria, this walk is a key event during the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence – a global campaign focused on preventing and ending violence against women.

It was powerful to stand with so many individuals, families, and organisations committed to creating safer communities. Ending family violence requires all of us, and today was a strong reminder of what we can achieve when we come together.

19/11/2025

𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐌𝐞𝐧’𝐬 𝐃𝐚𝐲: 𝐄𝐱𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐁𝐞𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 “𝐌𝐚𝐧 𝐁𝐨𝐱”

Today is International Men’s Day, a moment to reflect.
For generations, boys and men have been shaped by the unspoken rules of the “man box”:
- Don’t show weakness.
- Stay in control.
- Sort it out yourself.
- Don’t talk about feelings.
- Be successful

Anger is acceptable, vulnerability is not.

These beliefs don’t make men stronger, they make them silent and often detached.

When emotions are pushed down long enough, they often come out through aggression, defensiveness, shutting down, or other harmful behaviours. Not because men are “bad” or “toxic,” but because they were never given safe pathways to express or reflect on their trauma, fear, grief, stress, or shame.

Aggression is often unspoken pain.
Defensiveness is often fear of not being enough.
Silence is often protection from judgment.

When men are given space to talk honestly, without pressure to “perform” masculinity, something powerful shifts.
👉🏽 Connection grows.
👉🏽 Responsibility becomes grounded.
👉🏽 Harmful behaviours begin to change.

Healthy masculinity is not about being aggressive or invulnerable.
It’s about the courage to take responsibility, self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and stepping outside the limits of the man box.

Today, I acknowledge the men who are learning to become the best version of themselves, unlearning what they learned from the patriarchy and our society about what it means to be a man, and choosing growth, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Let’s keep creating spaces where men can show up as their full, human selves.

Happy International Men’s Day