Helen Barnett Certified Intuitive Eating Coach, Nutritionist, Dietitian APD

15/11/2025

More Than a Meal: The Hidden Power of Eating Together

The Memories We Make at the Table
Take a moment to think about your own memories of mealtimes. Whether from childhood or just last night, these experiences are powerful. The unique "smells and the sights" of a shared meal can bring back warm feelings of connection, but they can also recall moments of stress and conflict. These memories colour our perceptions and shape our expectations for every meal that follows.

I remember Sunday nights at my granny’s house when I was growing up, and in more recent times, as a parent, I have treasured times with my parent’s in law as they have focused on family togetherness over food. While most of the time my immediate family was present, on occasion the extended family would visit from across the country, and we shared food around a table of love, joy, togetherness and connection. As a child, I treasured these times, as my granny would “bring out” the special recipes, and I could try new foods if I wanted to, or leave them if I didn’t like them. The focus was always on us just being together. My parents-in-law have continued the same approach, and my children have learned about family togetherness, about welcoming others, and about being generous. They learned that a meal is where family life happens.

"The benefits of sharing time together at the end of the day cannot be measured in calories alone."

Let's explore what families are truly serving when they sit down to eat together.
1. The Real Menu: What We're Serving Besides Food
Mealtimes are a classroom for life. For many families, dinner is the only time when everyone is together in one place, making it a critical opportunity for connection and learning. Beyond the food on the plates, a rich menu of emotional, social, and developmental benefits is being served.

The Five Core Benefits of Sharing a Meal:
• Stronger Connections: At its heart, the feeding relationship is about attachment and bonding. Shared meals provide a dedicated time to communicate, socialize, and strengthen family relationships in a safe, predictable environment.
• Learning Family Values Children are keen observers. At the table, they learn about core family values like togetherness, welcoming others, being generous, and the importance of shared routines.
• Developing Social Skills: The dinner table is a natural training ground for social skills. Through role modeling, children learn the rhythm of conversation, how to listen, how to share, and the basics of table manners.
• Boosting Health and Well-being: Research highlights significant health benefits linked to regular family meals. Families who eat together are more likely to:
◦ Eat more fruits and vegetables (twice as likely to eat five servings a day).
◦ Have children with higher self-esteem and greater school success.
◦ Have children with fewer at-risk behaviors, such as substance abuse.
• Nurturing a Healthy Relationship with Food: Positive mealtime experiences are essential for developing healthy eating habits. When children see adults making healthy choices in a supportive context, they learn what to eat and develop their own food preferences based on positive exposure, not control.

Achieving these benefits isn't automatic; it depends on creating an environment that feels safe, calm, and connected.

2. Creating "Mealtime Peace": Your Guide to Happy Tables
The concept of "Mealtime Peace" is the foundation for a happy, healthy table. This doesn't mean your meals need to be perfectly quiet or serene. Instead, it’s about creating an atmosphere free from conflict or power struggles. We can understand this concept by looking at the word itself: it’s about creating Freedom from pressure, a sense of Tranquillity and calm, emotional and physical Security, and a feeling of No War—just pleasant togetherness. Here are three principles to guide you.

Give Everyone a Role: Clarity reduces power struggles. The adult's role is to decide what food is served, when it is served, and where it is served. The child's role is to decide if they will eat and how much they will eat from what is offered. This "division of responsibility," a concept developed by feeding expert Ellen Satter, is the cornerstone of building trust at the table.

Serve with Trust: Serve meals "family-style" or "buffet-style," where serving dishes are placed on the table for everyone to help themselves. This empowers children by giving them the autonomy to decide what goes on their plate, which is a key part of creating a pressure-free environment.

Change the Conversation: Shift conversations away from a child’s eating. Avoid prompts like, "Have another bite," or "You liked that yesterday." Instead, focus on anything else—what happened at school, planning a weekend activity, telling a family story, or remembering a fun vacation.

The most important element in creating this peaceful atmosphere is actively removing the one ingredient that can spoil any meal: pressure.

3. The Secret Ingredient: Removing Pressure
Pressure, even when well-intentioned, is the biggest obstacle to a happy and healthy mealtime. When parents worry about their child's nutrition, they often resort to tactics that feel helpful but ultimately backfire, dampening appetite and creating negative associations with food.

There are two main types of pressure to be aware of:
1. Obvious Pressure This includes direct and forceful actions like making a child eat, using bribes ("three more bites and you get dessert"), expressing anger or frustration over what is or isn't eaten, and constant verbal prompts to "take a bite."
2. Subtle Pressure This form of pressure is less direct but just as powerful. It can look like excessive praise for trying a new food, which teaches a child to eat for approval rather than hunger. Using dessert as a reward for finishing vegetables also falls into this category, as it frames the healthy food as a chore to be completed.

The core problem with pressure is that it shifts a child's motivation from internal ("I'm hungry and this tastes good") to external ("I need to do this to please my parent"). This process disrupts a child's ability to listen to their own body, creates stressful memories, and can even physically change digestion due to the emotional upset it causes.
By removing pressure, you create space for a child's natural curiosity about food to emerge.

4. An Invitation to Explore: Helping Kids Try New Foods
The goal is not to get a child to eat something new, but to "dilute their worry" through positive, low-stakes opportunities for them to learn about different foods at their own pace. One of the most powerful tools for this is simple role modeling. Research shows that children eat more and try more when they see their parents eating and enjoying the same food.
Beyond that, you can create what are called "Fun, No-Pressure Food 'Rehearsals'." A rehearsal is any positive, non-demanding interaction with food that builds familiarity and comfort without the expectation of eating. Think of a toddler exploring a banana for the first time: watching someone else eat it, reaching for it, touching it, squishing it, bringing it to their mouth and then away, in their mouth and then out, over and over, until they finally decide to take a real bite. That entire sensory exploration is a rehearsal.

• Make Them a Helper: Inviting a child to participate through "mealtime jobs" allows them to interact with food without any pressure to eat it. They feel like a celebrated and important part of the mealtime process. Simple jobs include:
◦ Being the "Napkin Colorer"
◦ Helping to wash fruits or vegetables
◦ Setting the table
◦ Passing serving bowls to others
• Let Them Serve Others: Ask a child to help by putting a garnish on someone else's plate or serving a scoop of salad to a sibling. This allows them to see, smell, and touch a new food in a safe context where the food is moving away from them, not toward them with an expectation to eat.
• Play with Your Food: Incorporate food into simple academic or play activities away from the table. Using different colored vegetables for sorting, crackers for stacking, or grapes for counting can build familiarity in a fun, pressure-free way.
These gentle invitations create a bridge of trust, helping a child feel brave enough to eventually try new things on their own terms.

5. Celebrate the Connection, Not Just the Calories
Family meals are one of the most consistent and powerful rituals for building a strong family identity. The true value of eating together lies not in the number of calories consumed, but in the connections forged, the conversations shared, and the positive memories created.
Ultimately, creating "Mealtime Peace" comes down to asking one simple but profound question: Does my child feel like a celebrated and important part of our family at the table? That feeling is what truly nourishes them, far more than any single food ever could.

NEED MORE INFORMATION?
If you are a parent struggling with family mealtimes and would like a new way to approach feeding your children that is based in up-to-date, neuro-affirming research, then reach out to me for more information.

Appointments can be made by calling my rooms in Dubbo on 6884 1804.
I work in Orange/Bathurst Mon-Tuesday
I work in Dubbo Wed-Friday
I offer Telehealth appointments, and also accept participants under the NDIS who are self or plan managed.

25/10/2025

The Counterintuitive Science of Eating: Why Willpower Isn't the Answer

The Willpower Trap
For millions of people, the experience of dieting follows a familiar, frustrating pattern. It begins with a firm resolve to restrict certain foods or cut calories. This restriction is soon followed by a growing preoccupation with the very foods that are off-limits. The mental battle intensifies until, eventually, you "give in" and eat the forbidden food, often in quantities that feel out of control. The cycle concludes with feelings of guilt and a renewed belief that the problem is a personal failure—a simple lack of willpower.
But what if this cycle has nothing to do with willpower? What if the problem isn't a lack of mental fortitude, but a fundamental misunderstanding of how our brains are wired to think about and react to food? A growing body of scientific research suggests that the act of dieting itself triggers a cascade of predictable psychological and neurological responses that make overeating not just possible, but probable.
This article explores four surprising scientific findings that explain why traditional dieting often backfires. By understanding how your brain instinctively fights back against restriction, you can begin to see that the war with food is not one you need to win through sheer force, but one you can end by understanding the battlefield.

1. Your Brain’s “Don’t Think About It” Button Is Broken
The simple instruction to "not think about something" is one of the least effective commands you can give your brain. This phenomenon, known as thought suppression, was famously demonstrated in a seminal study by psychologist Daniel Wegner. When participants were told not to think of a white bear, they found it nearly impossible to do so. In fact, after the suppression period ended, they experienced a "rebound" effect, thinking about the white bear even more than a control group that was told to think about it from the start.
This principle applies directly and powerfully to food. Studies have shown that when people are instructed to suppress thoughts about a particular food, they experience an immediate and significant increase in those very thoughts. The act of trying to push a thought away makes it hyper-accessible, bringing it to the forefront of your mind with ironic precision.
This effect is especially pronounced in people who are currently dieting. Research shows that women and individuals on a diet are more likely to report using food thought suppression as a weight control strategy. However, rather than helping, this technique actively works against them. Food thought suppression is a powerful predictor of binge eating, food cravings, and other disordered eating symptoms. By forbidding a thought, the brain paradoxically makes the target of that thought—the food—more alluring and desirable.

2. Forbidden Foods Literally Become More Rewarding in Your Brain
The "forbidden fruit" effect isn't just a metaphor; it's a documented psychological and neurological reality. In one telling experiment by Jansen et al., 5- and 6-year-old children were presented with identical snacks in two colors: red and yellow. The children in one group were forbidden from eating the red snacks but were allowed to eat the yellow ones. This simple prohibition significantly increased their desire for the red snacks. When the ban was finally lifted, they ate a significantly higher proportion of the previously forbidden red snacks compared to the control group.
This predictable behavior in children begs the question: what is actually happening inside the brain to make that forbidden snack so irresistible? Neuroscientists have found that caloric deprivation fundamentally alters how the brain's reward system responds to food. Using fMRI scans, a study by Stice et al. found that both short-term fasting and longer-term, self-imposed caloric restriction increased activation in brain regions associated with attention and reward, such as the orbitofrontal cortex and caudate. This heightened response occurred when participants saw, anticipated, and consumed palatable food. In essence, restriction primes the brain to experience forbidden food as more intensely rewarding.
As the researchers of that study noted, this creates a difficult paradox for dieters:
"Ironically, our findings imply that the more successful people are at caloric-restriction dieting, the greater likelihood that it will not last."
This brain science helps explain the common phenomenon of "last supper" eating—the tendency, as described in research by Keeler et al. and others, to overeat right before a diet begins. Your brain, anticipating the impending deprivation, has already begun increasing the reward value of the foods you're about to put off-limits, mirroring the very neural changes seen in the fMRI scans of calorically-restricted individuals.

3. Your Brain Gets Bored of Food on Purpose (But TV Won't Let It)
Ever wonder how you can feel completely stuffed after a big dinner, yet suddenly have room for dessert? The answer lies in a psychological principle called habituation. According to research by Epstein et al., habituation is the natural process where our enjoyment of and motivation to eat a food decreases the more we’re exposed to it in one sitting. This decline in pleasure is a primary signal for satiation—the decision to end a meal—that is driven not just by stomach fullness, but by mental boredom.
However, this natural "off-switch" is easily disrupted by our modern environment. Two key factors jam our habituation signals, encouraging us to eat more:
Our brains are novelty-seeking machines. This explains the "variety effect": a buffet, with its endless new stimuli, effectively prevents us from habituating to any single food. Each new food—from steak to potatoes to green beans—acts as a novel stimulus, renewing our interest and motivation to eat. This is why you can feel full after a large main course but suddenly have an appetite for a slice of cake; the novelty of the dessert resets your habituation clock.
Our brains can also be tricked by non-food novelty. This is the "distraction effect." Research has demonstrated that watching a continuously changing television show while eating slows the rate of habituation and significantly increases energy intake. Your brain’s attention is captured by the new information on the screen, preventing it from fully processing the repeated food cues and registering the "boredom" that signals fullness. This is the science behind what we call "mindless eating."

4. The "Food Addiction" Story Isn't What You Think It Is
Terms like "sugar addiction" have become common, but the scientific reality is highly controversial. According to systematic reviews, the concept of "food addiction" lacks a formal definition, and its existence as a distinct clinical condition is actively debated among scientists.
Much of the evidence cited in favor of food addiction comes from animal studies showing that rodents can develop addiction-like behaviors in response to sugar. However, these studies reveal a crucial detail: the behaviors only emerge under a specific condition of intermittent access (in other words, a cycle of restriction followed by a binge, precisely mirroring a human diet). This pattern more closely resembles a diet-binge cycle than a true substance dependency.
Furthermore, studies in humans consistently show a very high diagnostic overlap between a "food addiction" diagnosis (as measured by the Yale Food Addiction Scale) and Binge Eating Disorder (BED). This has led researchers to question whether "food addiction" is simply another way of describing a severe form of BED, rather than a separate condition. This suggests the issue may not be the food's chemical properties, but the psychological pattern of restriction and moral judgment placed upon it. As Intuitive Eating co-creator Evelyn Tribole explains, the battle is often about our mental framework, not the food's molecular structure:
"And the make peace with food is really about emotional health and the idea that once we start adding morality to our eating the good bad food mindset that that in itself is problematic... We are not talking about nutrient components when we talk about making peace with food. We're talking about our psychological health..."
This leads to a startling, counter-intuitive conclusion. The evidence suggests the problem isn't an addiction to a substance (like sugar), but an addiction to a behavior: the very cycle of dieting itself. The restriction, deprivation, and moral judgments create the intense cravings, preoccupation, and loss of control that feel so much like an addiction. The "addiction," in other words, may be a feature of the diet, not the food.

From Fighting to Peace
The persistent struggle with food and dieting is often framed as a personal failing of willpower, but the evidence suggests something else entirely. It is a predictable, powerful, and deeply human biological and psychological response to the act of restriction. The harder you try to control, suppress, and fight your brain's natural tendencies, the more intensely it fights back.
This review of the science reveals a clear pattern. Trying to suppress thoughts of food only makes them louder. Forbidding a food makes it neurologically more rewarding and harder to resist. Our brain's natural satiety signal—habituation—is easily disrupted by the modern food environment of endless variety and constant distraction. And the very behaviors that feel like an addiction are often a direct consequence of the diet-binge cycle itself.
This understanding offers a new path forward—one that shifts the goal from control to cooperation. What could change if you stopped trying to override your brain's fundamental wiring and instead chose to make peace with food?

Would you love to explore your relationship with food?
Yes, I am a different dietitian. I identify as Neurodivergent, nonconformist, anti-diet (but not anti-weightloss) and weight neutral.

I am passionate about providing trauma-informed, neuro-affirming care in a supportive and non-prescriptive way.
My approach may not suit all people - and I'm happy to chat with you beforehand to see if we would be a good fit.

Contact Dubbo Health Hub on 6884 1804 for all appointment enquiries (i.e for Orange, Dubbo and online appointments).

10/08/2025

I was doing some feeding training over the weekend and this "Parents Bill of Rights" was presented as a reminder of how vital and fundamental parents are to feeding therapy.
So many therapies "do" therapy to the kids, with the aim of "getting" a child to eat, yet feeding therapy is far more about the parents, the feeding relationship and the feeding environment than it is about the child.
Children with feeding challenges often have these challenges for complex reasons, that are then reinforced by fear, anxiety, dread, and then often frustration at best or anger at worst at mealtimes. Supporting parents to untangle what is going on for their child - to help them understand the complex steps that have caused food aversions is the process to moving forward with feeding issues. It is not perpetuating trauma with the child by forcing them to try new foods that they have not chosen.

Thrive with Spectrum - Parents Bill of Rights.
Kiddos with a medically complex history often have many providers that each have a specialty in a different area. In order for this to work well, there needs to be someone who can pull it all together. In our program, we have had the privilege to work with another kind of specialist over and over. The parents. Every parent is a specialist in their child, and has a wealth of information that is needed to make appropriate medical decisions. They are also the ones that will be guiding their child into the person that they are going to be. Without that input, the picture of the child is incomplete. Parents need a place at the table, but sometimes it’s hard for them to find a seat!

Parents, it isn’t disrespectful to ask to be a part of medical decisions for your child. We hope that this bill of rights reminds you that you are a member of the team. Your child needs your voice, not just your ears, hearts and hands!

If it feels wrong, you should put a stop to it

If something feels wrong, it is important to identify and discuss that. During our evaluation process, we often have parents that share information about past therapy with the statement of “We know it’s wrong but…”. Unfortunately, parents often feel like they don’t have a say, but it is so important to speak up if something does not feel right. This can be hard for families since it is so important to have the support of your little one’s medical team, but it is important to remember that you are the expert when it comes to your child and family. The transition from being dependent on the medical experts to taking the reigns as the parent is not easy, but it can happen. If skills are going to be sustained and continue to build, it has to feel right for the family.

You should never be asked to leave your child alone with a therapist

It is basic best practice from what we see in the literature and what we know about how feeding and attachment are linked for the parent to be present for therapy. Children should not be asked to do hard and scary things without having their caregivers in the room with them. This is especially important when a child is learning to eat since this can be a new and scary experience.

You should be an active part of all therapies, not an afterthought

Parents should be always be at the center of the treatment plan. It is impossible to separate out the child and parent relationship when it comes to eating. It is a relationship that must happen together, and when that is taken away or the parent is seen as separate, that is a problem. It is important for the parent to be a part of therapy, express their concerns, and ask questions. Instead of a parent feeling ashamed of their parenting, we want families to feel empowered and confident when making decisions. The therapist is the expert in feeding, but you are the expert in your child. It is so important to have everyone at the family table when making decisions and recommendations.

You deserve to have all of your questions answered, so ask away

If you have a question, ask it! Make sure to ask about why a certain treatment approach is used or how do you know that it is effective? Asking therapists questions such as “Can you tell me why we are doing it this way” is not disrespectful, it is important to know. As a therapist, it is our duty to provide evidence-based practice, therefore therapists should be able to share information with you about the long-term impact of the therapy approach.

No feeding intervention is worth destroying the trust between you and your child

If it feels like the feeding therapy is impacting the relationship with your child and how you engage with them in areas outside of feeding, it is time to have a discussion. Therapy and tube weaning should feel like something that is in sync with who you are as a parent. There is a lot of research that shows that even a trusting relationship that is trusting in all other ways than feeding can be undermined if the feeding relationship is impacted. This relationship can be healed, but it is a good reason to reconsider moving forward with therapy if it doesn’t feel right.

This is an overwhelming process and many families or parents feel alone in this process, but remember that you don’t have to do it alone. There are therapists out there that can help provide you support and give you more information on evidence-based approaches for your child.

Kiddos with a medically complex history often have many providers that each have a specialty in a different area.  In order for this to work well, there needs to be someone who can pull it all together.  In our program, we have had the privilege to work with another kind of specialist over...

19/07/2025

Super Excited to announce that Online Bookings are now available with me, Helen Barnett, Dietitian in Orange (Mondays) and Dubbo (Wed to Fri).

You can follow the link below, and there is an online booking page now in my website (I hope it works!).

https://helen-barnett-dietitian-and-nutritionist.splose.com/booking

08/06/2025

Responsive feeding therapy and the SOS (Sequential Oral Sensory) Approach to Feeding are both evidence-based strategies for supporting children with feeding difficulties, but they differ in philosophy, practice, and outcomes. Here’s why some professionals and families may consider responsive feeding therapy to be advantageous in certain contexts.

Why Responsive Feeding Therapy May Be Preferred
• Emphasis on Autonomy and Trust: Responsive feeding therapy prioritizes the child’s autonomy, internal motivation, and sense of competence. It respects the child’s hunger and fullness cues, avoiding any form of pressure or coercion, which helps build a trusting relationship between child and caregiver.
• Non-Pressuring Environment: The approach is rooted in responsive parenting, meaning caregivers are attuned and sensitive to the child’s needs and preferences. This reduces stress and anxiety around mealtimes for both children and caregivers, fostering a positive atmosphere that encourages healthy eating habits.
• Long-Term Benefits for Eating Behaviours: By focusing on the feeding relationship and self-regulation, responsive feeding therapy is associated with lower risk of disordered eating and obesity later in life. It supports healthy growth and development by promoting balanced dietary habits and a positive attitude toward food.
• Avoidance of Behavioural Manipulation: Unlike some adaptations of the SOS approach that may incorporate behavioural techniques (such as rewards or desensitization), responsive feeding therapy strictly avoids rewards, punishments, or pressure. This maintains the child’s intrinsic motivation to eat and explore food.
• Individualized and Flexible: Responsive feeding therapy is highly individualized, adapting to each child’s unique needs and developmental stage. It can be especially beneficial for children who are sensitive to pressure or have a history of negative mealtime experiences.

When SOS May Be More Appropriate
• Sensory and Oral-Motor Challenges: The SOS approach is particularly effective for children with significant sensory processing or oral-motor difficulties, as it systematically addresses these aspects through structured steps and sensory exposures.
• Structured Support: For families who benefit from a clear, stepwise plan, SOS provides a detailed framework that can be reassuring and measurable.

Responsive feeding therapy is often considered better for promoting long-term, positive eating behaviours and a healthy relationship with food because it respects the child’s autonomy, avoids pressure, and focuses on the feeding relationship.

The SOS approach, while effective for specific sensory and motor challenges, may involve more structured and sometimes behavioural interventions, which can inadvertently introduce pressure or undermine intrinsic motivation in some children. Ultimately, the choice between approaches should be individualized based on the child’s needs, but responsive feeding therapy is increasingly recognized for its holistic and child-centered benefits.

If you or your family would benefit from a holistic approach to feeding, that supports your child to be intrinsically motivated to eat the food they want to eat, and honours the person they are, then please give me a call. I am so lucky to collaborate with some great OT's, Speech Pathologists and Psychologists who are trained and knowledgeable in the philosophy of co-regulation and responsive parenting and feeding, and can assist with the multi-disciplinary aspects of feeding.
If your child is Autistic or ADHD - we are all Neuro-affirming, and passionate about supporting the unique human your child is.

Please contact me at
Helen Barnett - Dubbo Health Hub, Orange and Dubbo
PH: 5350 4861
email: admin@helenbarnett.com.au

03/06/2025

Over the last few months I have been so privileged to have small group supervision with Responsive Feeding founder and Expert - Dr Jo Cormack from the UK. This is such an amazing and paradigm shifting feeding therapy, especially for extreme selective eaters, kids with ARFID, kids with paediatric feeding disorders, and for helping us as clinicians, support parents regulate and respond to their kids in an intuitive and compassionate way.

Watch this space for information about a free-talk on how Responsive Feeding is perfect fit with Neuro-affirming approaches to dietetics.