16/12/2025
Thank you Karen Young - Hey Sigmund for sharing this in light of the horrific events that occurred at Bondi on Sunday
When terrible things happen, we want to make sense of things for our kids, but we can’t. Not in a way that feels like enough. Some things will never make any sense at all.
But here’s what you need to know: You don’t need to make sense of what’s happened to help them feel safe and held. We only need to make sense of how they feel about it - whatever that might be.
The research tells us so clearly that kids and teens are more likely to struggle after a tr@umatic event if they believe their response isn’t normal.
This is because they’ll be more likely to interpret their response as a deficiency or a sign of breakage.
Normalising their feelings also helps them feel woven into a humanity that is loving and kind and good, and who feels the same things they do when people are hurt.
‘How you feel makes sense to me. I feel that way too. I know we’ll get through this, and right now it’s okay to feel sad/ scared/ angry/ confused/ outraged. Talk to me whenever you want to and as much as you want to. There’s nothing you can feel or say that I can’t handle.’
And when they ask for answers that you don’t have (that none of us have) it’s always okay to say ‘I don’t know.’
When this happens, respond to the anxiety behind the question.
When we can’t give them certainty about the ‘why’, give them certainty that you’ll get them through this.
‘I don’t know why people do awful things. And I don’t need to know that to know we’ll get through this. There are so many people who are working hard to keep us safe so something like this doesn’t happen again, and I trust them.’
Remind them that they are held by many - the helpers at the time, the people working to make things safer.
We want them to know that they are woven in to a humanity that is good and kind and loving. Because however many people are ready to do the hurting, there always be far more who are ready to heal, help, and protect. This is the humanity they are part of, and the humanity they continue to build by being who they are.♥️