29/10/2025
It can feel confusing when your child behaves perfectly for everyone else but falls apart the moment they’re home with you. You may think you’re failing, but science says the opposite.
Child psychologist Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk explains that toddlers who release their emotions with their primary caregiver show stronger attachment security. Their meltdown is proof of trust, not poor parenting. Neuroscientist Dr. Bruce Perry calls this “restraint collapse.” Your child’s nervous system has spent the day suppressing impulses, following rules, and managing stress. When they see you, the safety of your presence allows that stress to release.
The prefrontal cortex, which controls emotional regulation, is still developing, so toddlers rely on caregivers to help manage strong feelings. Cortisol studies confirm that stress hormone levels drop when a trusted parent appears, even if behavior temporarily deteriorates.
Think of it like adults after a long day at work. We hold it together in public but release tension with those we trust most. Your toddler does the same.
Your child is showing you they feel safe. That meltdown is not a failure; it is a sign of deep trust.
