Clover Psychology

30/09/2025

05/06/2023

The inner child in us unconsciously re-creates the childhood environment by projecting roles of significant others such as parents and siblings on current relationships. The unmet need of the wounded child wants to get met and re-creates the situation in the hopes of making that happen.

22/05/2023

According to schema therapy, there are 5 emotional needs:

1. To feel safe
2. To have purpose, autonomy and identity
3. To act spontaneously and play
4. To have realist limits, helping us to apply self control

To start identifying your needs, try and slow down your mind and ask yourself "what do I need right now?"

04/05/2023

Self love is a daily practice. It is giving yourself compassion that you show others. This can challenge your inner critic.

28/04/2023

Deep belly breaths is one of the best ways to regulate your nervous system when you feel stressed out or anxious.

This simple and quick exercise can improve your emotional control, your ability to pay attention and sleep.

13/04/2023

People pleasing attempts to control the situation to avoid uncomfortable emotions.

We have a need we want to be met (we want to be liked, we want to feel needed, we don’t want conflict, we want to keep someone in our lives).

People pleasing others can be damaging to ourselves and, potentially, to our relationships when we allow other people’s wants to have more importance than our own needs.

02/04/2023

While the sympathetic nervous system drives the 'fight or flight' response. The parasympathetic relaxes your body after periods of stress. When you cry, it is your bodies attempt at recovery (or turning off the sympathetic nervous system). The effects of crying is not immediate, however, after several minutes you will feel the soothing effect of crying.

30/03/2023

Often the root of perfectionism is the desire to be accepted.

To overcome perfectionism, It is learning that we don't have to be perfect to be valued and loved.

27/03/2023

Factors in the development of schemas include not having your core emotional needs met as a child.

Schema Therapy concludes that early maladaptive schemas develop from the interaction between core emotional needs not being met as a child and an individual's natural temperament.

Everyone will have had experiences that mean their core emotional needs were not met at some point in their childhood. Even the best parents will make mistakes or life circumstances may get in the way.

22/03/2023

Part two: Remaining Schemas:

Entitlement: The sense that you are special or more important than others, and that you do not have to follow the rules like other people even though it might have negative effects on others. Also, can manifest in an exaggerated focus on superiority for the purpose of having power and control.

Insufficient Self Control: The sense that you cannot accomplish your goals, especially if the process contains boring, repetitive or frustrating aspects.

Subjugation: The belief that you must submit to the control of others or else punishment or rejection will be forthcoming.

Self- Sacrifice: The belief that you should voluntarily give up your own needs for the safe of others, usually to the point which is excessive.

Approval Seeking: The sense that approval, attention and recognition are far more important than genuine self-expression and being true to oneself.

Negativity: The pervasive belief that the negative aspects of life outweighs the positive, along with negative expectations of the future.

Emotional Inhibition: The belief that you must control your self-expression or others will reject or criticise you.

Unrelenting Standards: The belief that you always need to be your best, always striving for perfection or that you must avoid mistakes.

Punitivness: The belief that people should be harshly punished for their mistakes or shortcomings.

19/03/2023

Dr. Jeffrey Young, PhD, first developed a list of 18 schemas. He described schemas as unhelpful patterns that develop if emotional needs are not met as a child. Schemas can affect you throughout life and contribute to problematic coping methods and behaviours if they are not addressed.

Most people tend to develop more than one schema.

This post discusses 9 out of 18 schemas;

Abandonment: The belief and expectation that others will leave, that others are unreliable, that relationships are fragile, that loss is inevitable and that you will end up alone.

Defectiveness: The belief that you are flawed, damaged or unlovable and you will therefore be rejected.

Mistrust: The expectation that others will hurt, abuse, humiliate, cheat, lie, manipulate or take advantage.

Emotional Deprivation: Expectation that one's desire for emotional support will not be adequately met by others. The sense that no one will nurture, care for, guide, protect or emphasise with you.

Social Isolation: The feeling that one is isolated from the rest of the world, different from others, and/ or not part of any group or community.

Dependence: The belief that you are unable to make your own decisions. that your judgment is questionable, and that you need to rely on others to help you through day- to- day responsibilities.

Vulnerability to harm: The sense that the world is a dangerous place, and disasters can happen at any time and that you will be overwhelmed by the challenges that lie ahead.

Failure to achieve: The expectation that you will fail or the belief that you cannot perform well enough.

16/03/2023

The inner child can be defined as the impressionable and vulnerable part of ourselves wounded and shaped throughout the earliest experiences and stages of our lives. The term inner child was originally coined by Carl Jung and recognised as an archetype or unconscious sub personality. Its potential manifests through our behaviours and interactions with the external world. In our adulthood, some of these behaviours can stem from the trauma, pain, difficulty, and emotional and psychological neglect we experienced as children. Many of us try to protect ourselves from this suffering by burying these unresolved feelings and pain deep within our unconscious mind. Yet, they can return disguised as withdrawal, passive aggression, fear of abandonment, enabling, and much more.

Reparenting the inner child focuses on making sure it feels the value, love, and protection it lacked during childhood.

To open the dialogue and start the healing process, writing a letter to your inner child can be helpful.

You might write about childhood memories from your adult perspective, offering insight or explanations for distressing circumstances you didn’t understand back then.

A letter can also give you the chance to offer messages of reassurance and comfort.
A few questions can also help keep the dialogue going:

• “How do you feel?”
• “How can I support you?”
• “What do you need from me?”