Amazing Kids Occupational Therapy

07/04/2026

This is a great article and worth sharing!

PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance/Persistent Drive for Autonomy) is a profile within autism characterized by an intense, anxiety-driven need to avoid everyday demands and maintain autonomy. Individuals with a PDA profile can experience a fight, flight, or freeze response when faced with demands that threaten their autonomy.

This applies even to demands a person wants to fulfill, and even to internal demands like hunger or self-care.

PDA presents in two broad ways:

Externalizing PDA means the nervous system's protective response is visible and immediate. This can look like vocal refusal, taking charge of situations, needing to set the rules, intense emotional responses under pressure, or physically withdrawing. These are not choices rooted in defiance. The brain is detecting a genuine threat and the body is responding accordingly. Externalizers tend to get identified earlier because their behaviors are hard to miss, but they are also more likely to be met with punitive approaches that increase the sense of threat rather than reduce it.

Internalizing PDA is much harder to spot. It can look like over-compliance that hides distress, anxiety or stomachaches or fatigue around transitions, masking emotions or avoiding attention, meltdowns only at home or in private, and self-blame or perfectionism. Instead of refusing outwardly, these individuals may comply while experiencing intense anxiety, self-criticism, or physical symptoms.

Internalizers are frequently missed entirely because their distress is hidden, and they often go much longer without understanding or support.

A key distinction in how they feel internally: where externalizing PDA might look like "I won't do it and you can't make me," internalizing PDA often appears as "I should be able to do this, what's wrong with me?"

Most people are not purely one or the other and shift depending on stress levels, environment, and felt safety. The underlying wiring is the same in both presentations: a nervous system that needs autonomy, collaboration, and low-demand support to feel safe enough to engage.

The core shift when supporting PDAers is moving away from compliance-based approaches and toward safety, autonomy, and collaboration.

Reduce the perception of demands - Use indirect communication styles and depersonalize requests to minimize the perception of demands and reduce stress.

Prioritize felt safety over task completion - If you're choosing between trust and a task, choose trust. Letting go of the demand isn't giving up. It's actually the best way to support them in the long run.

Stay flexible and read the nervous system - When a child is more regulated, it may be possible to gently introduce more expectations. But as signs of dysregulation appear, it's crucial to lower demands, offer co-regulation, and focus on restoring a sense of safety.

Offer autonomy and equal status - PDA kids tend to resist hierarchy. Working together to co-create solutions for challenging situations and empowering decision-making builds confidence and reduces feelings of being controlled.

Build in decompression time - Ensure plenty of unstructured, low-demand time. Externalizers often need their co-regulator nearby, while internalizers may need more time alone.

Watch for the internalizer trap - Because internalizers look compliant, adults often assume they're fine. Check in on the quiet, "easy" kids too. Compliance fueled by anxiety leads to burnout and shutdown over time.

The whole approach comes down to this: Supporting a child with PDA in a way that honors their need for autonomy and safety is not "giving in" or "enabling bad behavior." It creates conditions where a child can gradually build capacity and resilience.

06/03/2026

Such a great post from Greg Santucci!

We're late!

I recently heard an interview with Ross Greene, who spoke about how our systems and policies are designed for us to be "late" when addressing concerning behaviors. Allow me to explain.

If a child gets put in timeout, or seclusion, we're late. We, the adults, are reacting to a behavior that already happened.

Sending a kid to the "calm down" corner? We're late. The dysregulation already happened.

Detentions, suspensions, expulsions? Late again.

"Consequences?" Late. Consequences are handed out after the fact, with the hope that we "teach them a lesson" through the punishment so they don't do it again. We know that's not working. Talk to any teacher and they'll tell you that the behaviors are worse than they've ever been.

Dr. Greene was right!

I had the opportunity recently to work in a classroom, with a paraprofessional, on being "early".

We saw a young student walking on their toes during a transition between activities. This child typically didn't do that. That extra proprioception he was seeking out was interpreted as a stress cue. He went to the rug to play and bumped into another child. Yep, he needed help. I positioned myself to support both students on the carpet playing with blocks.

What happened? Nothing. The kids played. I helped them delegate who gets what blocks. I "noticed" what each student was building and encouraged either imitation or collaboration from the other. I re-directed the one student to a different set of blocks to knock down when demolition was more appealing than construction, as he was certainly eyeing his friend's structure to knock down. They played for about 15 minutes and then moved to snack. No issues. No sadness. No fighting. I was early.

What would have happened, as has always happened in the past? The two kids go to the carpet and fight over blocks. An adult comes in and separates them (late). Then, the demolition-desiring student manages to sneak over and knock down his classmate's structure. He gets put in timeout and the victim is crying because his work was destroyed (late). A tough moment for everyone (including the teacher).

Just think about how many big behavioral events would be avoided if we were "early". But, as Dr. Greene expressed, as parents and teachers, we're usually late, albeit unintentionally. It's how our systems, and society in general, are set up.

How can we do better at being early? This is going to sound like a giant plug for occupational therapists, but on some level, I think we all can step back and 'notice' some stress cues. Noticing those stress cues can help us solve problem proactively, before big behaviors occur.

Parents can notice when their child had a tough day at school, or they're tired, or their sibling is driving them a little bit crazy. Those are opportunities to be early, to communicate to them that you 'notice' the difficulty, and set them up for success.

Teachers have to deal with classroom disruptions multiple times a day. We lose millions of classroom days every year because of disruptions in learning. If a teacher 'notices' the dysregulation, pauses teaching to address the dysregulation, and returns to teaching once they are regulated, many of those (late) 'behavior management' tools (clip charts, loss of recess) wouldn't be necessary.

In the example I gave, toe walking was a stress cue. The loss of body awareness was another. Leaving your desk to walk around the room, deeper breathing, a furrowed brow, intense fidgeting, all could be stress cues and an opportunity to be early, if we recognize them.

The other thing I noticed is that being early was much more regulating for ME than being late. When we (the adults) are late, we often come in hot 🔥. We're mad, or really frustrated. Kids feel that. WE feel that. When we're early, we are in helping mode, which feels so much better (and calmer).

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. As parents and teachers, we are late...a lot. 🙋‍♂️ I am certainly guilty of that. But, many of the big behaviors that occur are predictable and can be addressed proactively if we commit to it and have the right tools. I knew my proprioceptive-seeking, demolition-desiring friend wanted to knock down his classmate's tower. That's a huge dopamine sq**rt for him. He needed my help. He needed me to be early. When I was early, everything went smooth. When I'm not early, "stuff" happens. I can own that, and I can work to be early more often. The consequence isn't necessary, but being early so I can teach them strategies and skills to play reciprocally with their friends is really important.

This is a longer post that usual for me. If you're still reading, I hope you aren't 'late' to whatever you were planning to do next. 😉

I appreciate you being here! 🥰

26/02/2026

I am very privileged to be one of only a few Australian OTs participating in Robyn Gobbel’s year-long Immersion Training Program for Kids with Big Baffling Behaviours. This program is a deep dive into the neuroscience of how nervous system states impact behaviour and explores practical strategies for parents. The image below summarises co-regulation, which is one vital component of this work.

24/02/2026

Children with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) experience emotional pain from perceived rejection far more intensely than their peers.

For these kids, a small correction, a change of plans, or not being picked first can feel overwhelming — not because they’re “too sensitive,” but because their nervous system genuinely experiences rejection as threat.

RSD is often associated with neurodivergence particlarly in ADHD & ASD where the childs brain tend to notice patterns, differences and social cues more intensely.

These children aren’t dramatic. They’re wired for deep connection — and with the right support, they can build resilience without losing that beautiful sensitivity.

21/02/2026

I love this! Such a simple strategy that can really help to shift your child's nervous system. When adults can use their "x-ray vision goggles" to see what's beneath the behavior, it enables them to truly see what their child's behavior is communicating.

06/02/2026

This visual from The Contented Child highlights the importance of understanding a child's behavior through the lens of what is happening in their nervous system, empowering adults to unlock regulatory support that enables children with PDA to thrive.

15/12/2025

Interoception is the foundation for emotional regulation. A child must first notice their body signals before they can connect the body signal to an emotion (sensation) and then take action to regulate.

08/12/2025

This is an informative post that offers practical yet impactful strategies to help parents regulate their emotions in challenging moments and model appropriate responses for their child.

Regulating Your Emotions as a Parent

Parenting is full of moments that test our patience, and learning to regulate your own emotions is key to responding rather than reacting. Children mirror the adults around them, so when we manage our emotions, we teach them how to do the same. Start by noticing your triggers and taking a pause before responding — even a few deep breaths can shift your nervous system.

Self-talk can help you stay grounded: remind yourself, “I can handle this,” or “This is a moment, not a crisis.” Physical strategies like stretching, stepping outside for a brief break, or grounding exercises can help release tension and restore calm. Reflecting on your feelings after a challenging moment allows you to learn and prepare for next time.

Modeling empathy and calm presence shows children that all emotions are valid, and they can be managed safely. It’s okay to acknowledge your feelings to your child: “I’m frustrated right now, so I need a moment to calm down.” Consistency and patience in your own regulation helps create a predictable, safe environment for your child to express their emotions.

Remember, self-regulation isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up as a calm, supportive guide through life’s ups and downs.

20/10/2025

The posts from The Contented Child really resonate with me. We frequently encounter young neurodivergent students who appear to spend a significant portion of their school day masking. It is essential for the adults in their world to recognise these signs and provide the necessary co-regulation, compassion and supports to assist and avoid long-term struggles.

At school, some children seem to ‘hold it together’ all day — only to fall apart once they’re home.

That’s not manipulation or attention-seeking. It’s masking.

Masking means suppressing natural responses, mimicking peers, or pushing through overwhelm to appear "fine".

It’s exhausting — and over time, it can lead to burnout, anxiety, and loss of self.

Recognising the signs of masking helps adults see beyond the surface — and offer support that feels safe and authentic.

Available in our Resource Store

Masking – The Toolkit
Practical strategies to help schools and parents support children who mask their true needs.
After School Restraint Collapse, the Toolkit for Parents & Educators
Links in comments or via our Linktree Shop in Bio.

15/10/2025

This information can make a significant difference in understanding the vital role of coregulation.

It takes the body time to calm — not just a few deep breaths.

When a child is overwhelmed, their nervous system can take 20–60 minutes to fully settle after a surge of stress hormones. That’s why calm can’t be rushed. They need safety, patience and connection — not pressure to “get over it.”

Understanding this is at the heart of brain-based parenting. Regulation isn’t instant; it’s built through co-regulation and trust.

This also demonstrates why a child needs longer than 5 minutes out of class after an incident.

There is a full range of calming strategy prompts in our toolkit below.

NOW AVAILABLE IN THE RESOURCE STORE - to accompany our series on social media.

The Child Brain Explained: How the Upstairs & Downstairs Brain Shape Behaviour, a Toolkit for Parents & Educators - available for only £3.75 until 3 November 2025

Electronic download available at link in comments ⬇️ or via our Linktree Shop in Bio.

14/10/2025

Strategies to assist with de-escalating a meltdown!

13/10/2025

Yes, let's examine stimming from an Autistic perspective.

Let's talk about stimming.

The autistic community advocates that stimming behavior is a self-regulatory coping mechanism, and efforts to control this behavior could have negative effects for autistic people. Research exploring stimming from the autistic perspective supports this position and suggests these behaviors are actually incredibly beneficial.

There is a long history in both research and clinical practice, of efforts to reduce, minimize or eliminate stimming behavior in autistic people.

This article contains great information that can help in the movement toward acceptance >>> https://www.altogetherautism.org.nz/stimming-a-movement-towards-acceptance

Graphic via Mollys ADHD mayhem