06/04/2021
A few years ago Victoria Harries and I did some research into the impact of baby care books that suggest parents should put their baby in a strict routine. We were particularly interested in whether parents felt these books worked, how they made parents feel and if they impacted upon interactions with their baby.
As part of this we found that some books were telling parents not to always respond to their baby or to reduce the interactions that they had with them.
We found that about a quarter of parents said that the books led them to delay responding to their baby when they cried or when their baby indicated they needed something.
Around one in six parents also said that the information led to them not always picking up or cuddling their baby when they wanted to.
Now, if a parent makes an informed decision that they want to minimise contact with their baby that is one thing. But, many of the parents who attempted to do this were then saying that they felt terrible for doing so. Trying to ignore and avoid their baby’s cries left them feeling anxious and guilty. When many of them invariably ‘cracked’ and went to their baby, they then felt like failures.
Babies are pretty much tiny helpless mammals. They are born needing everything done for them and have a huge survival instinct to stay close to you. When they cry, it’s their main way of communication. They cry when they need something – whether that is food, comfort, connection or simply ‘it’s a bit scary on my own’. They’re incapable of trying to ‘manipulate’ or to drag you out of bed simply for kicks.
So much research shows that responding to babies helps them feel more secure and confident. It teaches them that when they need something, their needs will be met. And that is a very good thing in helping them see the world as a good place.
Never, ever feel bad for responding to your baby. Never let a book override your instincts. No one lies on their death bed going ‘you know what, I really wish I hadn’t cuddled my baby so much’. You are the expert in your baby. Listen to you.
Research paper here
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1111/mcn.12858