Cynosure Counselling and Coaching

08/12/2025

We all experience stress from time to time.
Life can be challenging for all sort of reasons.

And we are designed to respond to stress and find a way through the circumstances that raise it.

The goal is not to eliminate the stress
but to recognise when it is present
and to work with your body's response to it
so that you stay well.

I teach people how to not be afraid of their response to stressful situations
and to manage it effectively so that it can resolve itself.
Reach out to find out more.

What are YOUR signals that tell you that your stress levels are rising?

For me, there are several cues that indicate that I'm carrying a heavier than usual stress load.

1. My usual consumption changes.
Drinking coffee has been a relatively recent thing for m.e
It's generally not a daily practice or one where I consume multiple cups when I have it.
Something is usually happening when I find myself reaching for coffee more frequently.
Or more than one glass of wine.
Or spending increasing time on social media.
Or skipping meals regularly.

2. My sleep becomes disordered.
This can be about taking more time to fall asleep
because of too much energy in my body or cycling thoughts,
waking up multiple times in the night,
irregular bedtimes or waking times,
waking early with unpleasant thoughts or disturbing dreams.
The result is that I feel less rested, which affects my energy and outlook on life.

3. The pace of my life feels faster.
This can include an increase in activity or busyness,
a sense of rising panic,
a dashing from one thing to the next,
and a general sense of a schedule that is too full.
In this space I will start to drop activities and practices
that would help me to slow down and gain more perspective.

Stress shows up in many different ways.
Noticing YOUR signals early gives you the power to do something to stem the tide
and keep it from becoming overwhelming.

08/12/2025

What are YOUR signals that tell you that your stress levels are rising?

For me, there are several cues that indicate that I'm carrying a heavier than usual stress load.

1. My usual consumption changes.
Drinking coffee has been a relatively recent thing for m.e
It's generally not a daily practice or one where I consume multiple cups when I have it.
Something is usually happening when I find myself reaching for coffee more frequently.
Or more than one glass of wine.
Or spending increasing time on social media.
Or skipping meals regularly.

2. My sleep becomes disordered.
This can be about taking more time to fall asleep
because of too much energy in my body or cycling thoughts,
waking up multiple times in the night,
irregular bedtimes or waking times,
waking early with unpleasant thoughts or disturbing dreams.
The result is that I feel less rested, which affects my energy and outlook on life.

3. The pace of my life feels faster.
This can include an increase in activity or busyness,
a sense of rising panic,
a dashing from one thing to the next,
and a general sense of a schedule that is too full.
In this space I will start to drop activities and practices
that would help me to slow down and gain more perspective.

Stress shows up in many different ways.
Noticing YOUR signals early gives you the power to do something to stem the tide
and keep it from becoming overwhelming.

05/12/2025

Your body remembers the things that affected you,
even if you can't consciously recall the situation
or don't realise how much impact it had.

Significant events don't have to involve huge external changes
- although they may -
for the body to be on alert at particular times of year.

Anniversaries of significant painful events
can trigger any combination of mysterious physical, emotional, cognitive reactions
that can feel out of proportion or even unrelated
to where you find yourself in the present.

This is a clue that the past may be exerting an influence on the present.

Unravelling these reactions and helping you find relief and healing from past wounds is part of what I help people to do.

Reach out to find out more.

I spent many years reluctant to engage in Christmas celebrations.

My thinking at the time was that it was a rejection of the commercialism and hype of the season, and there was (and is still) some truth in that.
But it wasn't the whole story.

For me, Christmas had become associated with the upheaval of loss
due to enough childhood relocations that severed access
to treasured spaces,
friendships,
communities,
and demanded re-establishing in unfamiliar environments
where I didn't know who was safe and how things worked.

No wonder December felt hollow and January felt flat!
My brain was working hard to protect me from experiencing further loss
or from reconnecting with the earlier ones,
which were unmourned and still affecting me.

It was not until I realised that I was still grieving
and made space for it
that my relationship with this time of the year shifted
to something more hopeful,
with room for joy.

For those who are struggling with this season (or other times of year)
for reasons they don't fully understand,
I've been there.

Talk to me about how I can help.

05/12/2025

I spent many years reluctant to engage in Christmas celebrations.

My thinking at the time was that it was a rejection of the commercialism and hype of the season, and there was (and is still) some truth in that.
But it wasn't the whole story.

For me, Christmas had become associated with the upheaval of loss
due to enough childhood relocations that severed access
to treasured spaces,
friendships,
communities,
and demanded re-establishing in unfamiliar environments
where I didn't know who was safe and how things worked.

No wonder December felt hollow and January felt flat!
My brain was working hard to protect me from experiencing further loss
or from reconnecting with the earlier ones,
which were unmourned and still affecting me.

It was not until I realised that I was still grieving
and made space for it
that my relationship with this time of the year shifted
to something more hopeful,
with room for joy.

For those who are struggling with this season (or other times of year)
for reasons they don't fully understand,
I've been there.

Talk to me about how I can help.

03/12/2025

You grieve the absence of the ones you love.

This year marks the third Christmas season since a family member and a close friend unexpectedly passed away.
I still have moments where I want to reach out to both of them and share events of our lives.

There is a sharp pain when I recall that they are no longer physically present for such contact.
That sharp pain is an indication of how much these people have meant and still mean to me.
Their loss feels like a wound that is taking time to heal.

And yet I can still live with gratitude for their presence and continuing influence in my life, and remember them as I celebrate the life I now have.

The scar of their absence may twinge,
but I am able to accept what is
and find the joy that is still available.

How about you?



Who is absent from your celebrations with whom you would want to share the occasion?

Perhaps it is someone who has died.
Or someone who is estranged from you and with whom contact is limited, if not impossible.
Or someone who was once important to you who has drifted out of your life.

Celebrations can bring reminders of painful separations.
It can be hard to engage with happy events when significant relationships are not a part of them.

Joy and pain don't have to be mutually exclusive,
yet finding a way to hold them both simultaneously can be challenging.

I help people to navigate the grief of separations
that are affecting their ability to find joy in the life they now have.

Reach out to me to explore how I can help.

03/12/2025

Who is absent from your celebrations with whom you would want to share the occasion?

Perhaps it is someone who has died.
Or someone who is estranged from you and with whom contact is limited, if not impossible.
Or someone who was once important to you who has drifted out of your life.

Celebrations can bring reminders of painful separations.
It can be hard to engage with happy events when significant relationships are not a part of them.

Joy and pain don't have to be mutually exclusive,
yet finding a way to hold them both simultaneously can be challenging.

I help people to navigate the grief of separations
that are affecting their ability to find joy in the life they now have.

Reach out to me to explore how I can help.

01/12/2025

Facing loss at any time is difficult,
yet at this time of year it can be complicated
by expectations of the season.

I offer a space for people to step aside,
to offload,
to take a breath and
to work out their next steps
as they navigate the loss,
the season,
and the monumental changes that are in progress.

Reach out to access this space.

I have been having conversations recently with a number of people
who are facing the imminent loss of a loved one.

Witnessing someone's decline as their body shuts down is challenging
and can be a lonely experience few people make the time to understand.
There can be a feeling of helplessness
in witnessing the loved one disappear by degrees
- physically, mentally, emotionally.

Equally difficult can be having the conversation with others to let them know what the situation is. Retelling the story and dealing with the reactions of others can be draining
when the emotional weight of expected loss is already heavy.

These common elements of a grief process are often overlooked or downplayed,
yet they shape your experience of loss
and can have significant effects on your physical, mental and emotional state.

From personal experience, here are some things to remember as you navigate this space:

1. Ask for what you need if you can.
Maybe it's space for yourself, or more time with the loved one, or an opportunity to talk about
your experience, or help in managing the details.
Whatever it is, make sure you ask for it.
Others won't necessarily know what you need without you telling them.

2. Let go of others' expectations to respond in a particular way to the situation.
Losing someone is hard and it will affect you in ways that you may not expect.
You don't have to be anything other than what you are in this moment.

3. Give yourself grace.
Facing this loss demands things of you that may be outside of your experience.
There will be times when it will feel like you've got nothing left to give,
when you will wonder if you are doing the right thing.
You are doing the best you can with what you have, and that is enough.

01/12/2025

I have been having conversations recently with a number of people
who are facing the imminent loss of a loved one.

Witnessing someone's decline as their body shuts down is challenging
and can be a lonely experience few people make the time to understand.
There can be a feeling of helplessness
in witnessing the loved one disappear by degrees
- physically, mentally, emotionally.

Equally difficult can be having the conversation with others to let them know what the situation is. Retelling the story and dealing with the reactions of others can be draining
when the emotional weight of expected loss is already heavy.

These common elements of a grief process are often overlooked or downplayed,
yet they shape your experience of loss
and can have significant effects on your physical, mental and emotional state.

From personal experience, here are some things to remember as you navigate this space:

1. Ask for what you need if you can.
Maybe it's space for yourself, or more time with the loved one, or an opportunity to talk about
your experience, or help in managing the details.
Whatever it is, make sure you ask for it.
Others won't necessarily know what you need without you telling them.

2. Let go of others' expectations to respond in a particular way to the situation.
Losing someone is hard and it will affect you in ways that you may not expect.
You don't have to be anything other than what you are in this moment.

3. Give yourself grace.
Facing this loss demands things of you that may be outside of your experience.
There will be times when it will feel like you've got nothing left to give,
when you will wonder if you are doing the right thing.
You are doing the best you can with what you have, and that is enough.

30/11/2025

Last day to book in an appointment in 2025 is 22 December 2025.
Reopening 7 January 2026.
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

28/11/2025

Interruptions to daily life can be both recreational and stressful for you and your family.

Proactively preparing for these interruptions where possible
can help you to minimise the stress and
maximise the enjoyment
of a break from life-as-usual.

The three tips below give tools for your preparation.

Reach out if you need a space to unpack them in your context!

This time of year we are inundated with reminders
of various civic and religious holidays and celebrations.

These reminders can raise stress levels
with expectations of how to engage with them.

Here are some stress-reducing tips that can make a difference between
a season of chaos and
a season of calm:

1. PRIORITISE your energy and wellbeing over expectations to participate.
Only commit to those things for which you are willing to invest your time and energy.

2. PLAN for the non-negotiables - those things that you most want to experience in this season.
This is tied to the things you most value about this time of year.
Having a plan is powerful in preventing being swept up in other people's expectations.

3. PASS on those activities that have little or no importance and will only lead to
overfilling your calendar and depleting your physical, mental and emotional energy.

Hope these tips help you to reduce the stress load this year and to enjoy the season of celebration.

28/11/2025

This time of year we are inundated with reminders
of various civic and religious holidays and celebrations.

These reminders can raise stress levels
with expectations of how to engage with them.

Here are some stress-reducing tips that can make a difference between
a season of chaos and
a season of calm:

1. PRIORITISE your energy and wellbeing over expectations to participate.
Only commit to those things for which you are willing to invest your time and energy.

2. PLAN for the non-negotiables - those things that you most want to experience in this season.
This is tied to the things you most value about this time of year.
Having a plan is powerful in preventing being swept up in other people's expectations.

3. PASS on those activities that have little or no importance and will only lead to
overfilling your calendar and depleting your physical, mental and emotional energy.

Hope these tips help you to reduce the stress load this year and to enjoy the season of celebration.

26/11/2025

I remember several memorable occasions where I resisted the expectation to spend Christmas with family or friends.

Sometimes it was really difficult to hold my ground.
And yet I was aware that there were things in me that needed to be attended to
that meant I just didn't have the capacity
for engaging in the expected Christmas spirit.

It helped to realise that I had a choice in that decision,
that other people's disappointment over my disengagement was actually not my problem,
and that my decision on each occasion did not have to constitute a permanent disengagement.

I gave myself the gift of being able to breathe,
and to engage with the season in a way that was life-giving. That was priceless.

Where have you had to intentionally resist expectations that were placed upon you?
What was that like?



I find myself navigating the pressure of expectation
in my business,
my work,
my relationships
ALL.THE.TIME.

Some of these are thrown at me from the outside
through interactions with other people, the media, the environment.

Others are self-imposed,
based on my ideals, my history, the way I make sense of the world.

Many expectations are assumed and unspoken,
making them difficult to identify.
They often generate feelings of guilt, obligation, and anxiety
that can interfere with being able to function effectively.

Two challenges with expectations are:
(1) Recognising their presence, and
(2) Evaluating their validity.

One give-away clue for an expectation is the use of the word SHOULD
(sometimes replaced and amplified with the word MUST for added intensity.)

Some questions I find helpful in identifying and challenging an expectation are:
What am I ACTUALLY being asked to do?
Who says that I should or must do this thing?
Do I have capacity to meet this expectation?
What might the consequence be if I don't meet it?

Regular guided reflective practice can be an incredibly useful tool
in pinpointing the expectations you are willing and able to meet,
working out how to resist the expectations that are not yours to carry, and
giving yourself the freedom to choose the life you want.

Talk to me about how I can help.