Cynosure Counselling and Coaching

05/11/2025

Unravelling the stories that hold you back from taking action is something that no one can do for you.

However, having an impartial witness WITH you
in your process of unravelling and reconstructing the stories
helps to ensure that self-protection doesn't prevent you
from doing what you CAN do
to make change.

This is one thing that guided reflective practice assists you to do.

Reach out to find out more.

Why do we make things hard for ourselves?

I do not like having to fix things around the house.
As my wife so eloquently puts it, it's not my happy place.

So when the water filter system under the kitchen sink
developed leaks after the filters had been replaced,
I was reluctant to get involved.
Just the thought of having to sort it out was making me feel stressed.

My brain, in trying to protect me
from negative experiences I have had in the past around DIY and repairs,
threw a lot of obstacles in my way to just getting the job done by telling me stories:
I'm not good at repairs.
I don't know how.
I'll mess it up.
It's too hard.
But after days of
emptying containers of water,
wiping water out of the cupboard,
and limited filtered water,
something had to be done.

Turns out that the stories my brain was telling me weren't really true.
*I found instructions that I could follow.
*I did the repairs.
*They were easier than I expected.
*The leaks have stopped.
*The filter is working again.
*We have access to filtered water.
Maybe I am better at repairs than I thought!

This can happen just as easily with difficulties in
our relationships,
our emotions and
big decisions we have to make.
Our brains - trying to be helpful - give us lots of stories
about how difficult it will be to deal with them
and encourages us to avoid the hard work
or to palm it off to someone else.
If we believe the stories, however, the problems never get resolved.

On the other hand,
if we find the courage to face the difficulty,
we may discover that we are more capable than we thought.

When did you last do something that you thought was going to be more difficult than it was?

05/11/2025

Why do we make things hard for ourselves?

I do not like having to fix things around the house.
As my wife so eloquently puts it, it's not my happy place.

So when the water filter system under the kitchen sink
developed leaks after the filters had been replaced,
I was reluctant to get involved.
Just the thought of having to sort it out was making me feel stressed.

My brain, in trying to protect me
from negative experiences I have had in the past around DIY and repairs,
threw a lot of obstacles in my way to just getting the job done by telling me stories:
I'm not good at repairs.
I don't know how.
I'll mess it up.
It's too hard.
But after days of
emptying containers of water,
wiping water out of the cupboard,
and limited filtered water,
something had to be done.

Turns out that the stories my brain was telling me weren't really true.
*I found instructions that I could follow.
*I did the repairs.
*They were easier than I expected.
*The leaks have stopped.
*The filter is working again.
*We have access to filtered water.
Maybe I am better at repairs than I thought!

This can happen just as easily with difficulties in
our relationships,
our emotions and
big decisions we have to make.
Our brains - trying to be helpful - give us lots of stories
about how difficult it will be to deal with them
and encourages us to avoid the hard work
or to palm it off to someone else.
If we believe the stories, however, the problems never get resolved.

On the other hand,
if we find the courage to face the difficulty,
we may discover that we are more capable than we thought.

When did you last do something that you thought was going to be more difficult than it was?

03/11/2025

Having an impartial space to unpack the expectations you carry
can be a significant resource
to work out what you need to do
to avoid burnout and to stay well.

Talk to me about how I can create this space with and for you.

One of the realisations I had about my experience of burnout
was that I had been carrying at least two sets of expectations.

The first set I had carried into the context with me.
This set was based on what I believed about
myself,
my role,
my relationship with authority,
what success looked like.

The second set was imposed from the work context itself -
sometimes explicitly, sometimes implicitly.

Both sets of expectations were largely assumed and unspoken.

Trying to hold both sets of expectations in tension
was creating enormous stress for me
that accumulated over time,
and which I carried largely alone.

The stress worsened
after I was blindsided with negative feedback
that left me feeling like a failure and a fool.

It took me getting sick
to realise how much that stress was affecting me
and how unsustainable it was.

And in trying to renegotiate the expectations of work,
I discovered that I no longer wanted to support the workplace
that had not supported me.

It was time to leave.

What sets of expectations are you carrying that are creating excessive stress for you?
Do you want to do something about that?

03/11/2025

One of the realisations I had about my experience of burnout
was that I had been carrying at least two sets of expectations.

The first set I had carried into the context with me.
This set was based on what I believed about
myself,
my role,
my relationship with authority,
what success looked like.

The second set was imposed from the work context itself -
sometimes explicitly, sometimes implicitly.

Both sets of expectations were largely assumed and unspoken.

Trying to hold both sets of expectations in tension
was creating enormous stress for me
that accumulated over time,
and which I carried largely alone.

The stress worsened
after I was blindsided with negative feedback
that left me feeling like a failure and a fool.

It took me getting sick
to realise how much that stress was affecting me
and how unsustainable it was.

And in trying to renegotiate the expectations of work,
I discovered that I no longer wanted to support the workplace
that had not supported me.

It was time to leave.

What sets of expectations are you carrying that are creating excessive stress for you?
Do you want to do something about that?

30/10/2025

Burnout is more than just physical depletion,
and the mental-emotional impact
is a significant component to the physical exhaustion
that is experienced.

Recognising the signs of burnout early
gives you the chance to avoid significant debilitation
and a long recovery.

Talk to me about how I can help.

When do you cross the line between simply being stressed out to being burnt out?

All stressful situations affect
your body,
your thinking,
your emotions and
your behaviour.

While stress is generally reacting to something outside of yourself,
burnout begins with an emotional investment in where you are.

The gradual emergence of any combination of
disappointment,
disillusionment,
powerlessness, or
loss of hope for change
subtly erodes this emotional investment,
making you question
yourself,
your performance,
your perception of the environment.

For me, the burnout grew out of a collision between
my own high expectations of my performance and
a different set of high expectations in my work environment
that had not been clearly communicated.

That first year I
worked hard,
believed in the work that I was doing,
thought I had made a good start yet knew I had room to improve,
and assumed that I would be supported to be successful by my employer.

The unexpected negative feedback at the end of my first year
completely shattered my trust in my work environment,
affected my confidence to keep performing, and
made me wonder if I had made a mistake in my career choice.

The downward mental and emotional spiral consumed my energy
and started to affect me physically within a few months.
Time off from work did not seem to have any effect
in reducing the stress I was living with.
When I made the decision to resign, I felt like I had failed.
The ripples of burnout took a long time to settle.

If you have had (or are having) a similar experience, don't suffer alone.
Reach out and explore how I can support you to recover from the experience
and rebuild a life that you want to live.

30/10/2025

When do you cross the line between simply being stressed out to being burnt out?

All stressful situations affect
your body,
your thinking,
your emotions and
your behaviour.

While stress is generally reacting to something outside of yourself,
burnout begins with an emotional investment in where you are.

The gradual emergence of any combination of
disappointment,
disillusionment,
powerlessness, or
loss of hope for change
subtly erodes this emotional investment,
making you question
yourself,
your performance,
your perception of the environment.

For me, the burnout grew out of a collision between
my own high expectations of my performance and
a different set of high expectations in my work environment
that had not been clearly communicated.

That first year I
worked hard,
believed in the work that I was doing,
thought I had made a good start yet knew I had room to improve,
and assumed that I would be supported to be successful by my employer.

The unexpected negative feedback at the end of my first year
completely shattered my trust in my work environment,
affected my confidence to keep performing, and
made me wonder if I had made a mistake in my career choice.

The downward mental and emotional spiral consumed my energy
and started to affect me physically within a few months.
Time off from work did not seem to have any effect
in reducing the stress I was living with.
When I made the decision to resign, I felt like I had failed.
The ripples of burnout took a long time to settle.

If you have had (or are having) a similar experience, don't suffer alone.
Reach out and explore how I can support you to recover from the experience
and rebuild a life that you want to live.

28/10/2025

Involvement in projects and performances of any kind
require you to mobilise extra energy
in order to participate in and complete them.
This extra energy mobilisation is a positive side of stress activation
and can be very useful.
However, without corresponding recovery time,
you will burn through your energy reserves,
with negative long-term impact on your health, wellbeing and future output.

I help people work with performance stress
so that they have the energy they need
to live through and beyond their projects
and enjoy the fruits of their labour.

Reach out to find out more.

Many years ago I was involved in a live theatre production.
We spent months in rehearsal
preparing for three performances in the middle of the year.

At the end of the these performances,
which received positive responses,
there was a request by the producer
to put on several more performances. 😱

One of the things I observed about myself and fellow cast-members was that
we were jarred by the request to give more
when we had not been prepared for it.
We had paced ourselves for three performances
and had nothing left. 😫

Unsurprisingly, the extra performances did not end up going ahead.

It is important to have definite end points for performance-related activities.
This helps to manage energy to achieve the performance goal and
makes space for post-performance recovery.

Shifting time lines -
or moving immediately from one project to the next -
puts you in the position of having to find extra energy to keep going.
This maintains stress activation and depletes energy reserves further.

Without adequate recovery time,
this will work against well-being and good health.

Have you had experience with being asked
to extend your performance beyond the original deadline?

28/10/2025

Many years ago I was involved in a live theatre production.
We spent months in rehearsal
preparing for three performances in the middle of the year.

At the end of the these performances,
which received positive responses,
there was a request by the producer
to put on several more performances. 😱

One of the things I observed about myself and fellow cast-members was that
we were jarred by the request to give more
when we had not been prepared for it.
We had paced ourselves for three performances
and had nothing left. 😫

Unsurprisingly, the extra performances did not end up going ahead.

It is important to have definite end points for performance-related activities.
This helps to manage energy to achieve the performance goal and
makes space for post-performance recovery.

Shifting time lines -
or moving immediately from one project to the next -
puts you in the position of having to find extra energy to keep going.
This maintains stress activation and depletes energy reserves further.

Without adequate recovery time,
this will work against well-being and good health.

Have you had experience with being asked
to extend your performance beyond the original deadline?

24/10/2025

Stress is usually tied to performance expectations,
life change or
perceived danger.
I specialise in supporting people dealing with overwhelming stress
to reduce their stress and
to find ways that work for them to manage it effectively.

Check out my website to find out more
and then schedule a conversation to explore the ways I help. https://cynosurecounsellingandcoaching.com.au

Stress will knock the stuffing out of you -
particularly when it has been intense, prolonged or both.

It takes energy to maintain and work through a stress response.
That energy will need to be replaced -
otherwise the depletion will create additional problems
that will impact your health and well-being.

Making space for recovery in and beyond a stressful situation is not optional.

That being said, the shape of your recovery process
will be unique to you and to your context.

Let me help you to put strategies in place ahead of time
that will help you to access the what you need
to recharge and replenish your energy through stressful times.

24/10/2025

Stress will knock the stuffing out of you -
particularly when it has been intense, prolonged or both.

It takes energy to maintain and work through a stress response.
That energy will need to be replaced -
otherwise the depletion will create additional problems
that will impact your health and well-being.

Making space for recovery in and beyond a stressful situation is not optional.

That being said, the shape of your recovery process
will be unique to you and to your context.

Let me help you to put strategies in place ahead of time
that will help you to access the what you need
to recharge and replenish your energy through stressful times.

22/10/2025

Finding the right support in stressful times is essential.

Safe people listen without judgement,
are cautious about giving advice,
accept you even if they disagree,
trust you as fundamentally competent,
and are curious to understand rather than to fix.

To find out if I could be that person for you as you work through your stress,
schedule a complimentary call with me.
Details are in the comments.

You can easily feel isolated in times of high stress.

No matter how many others are affected by a stressful situation,
your response will be unique,
building upon your specific background and experience with this kind of stress,
as well as your values, beliefs, personality, and coping strategies
that have developed over time.

Reaching out to safe people for personal or professional support
gives you a gauge for your responses and
a broader perspective of not just the stressful situation
but also the impact of your responses within the context.

It also takes the pressure off having to manage the stress on your own.

Connection with and accessing support from others
can be a way to empty the stress tank enough
to reduce the overwhelm that can so often accompany high-stress situations.

This is a game changer in reducing the isolation and loneliness
that is so often a part of the experience of overwhelming stress.

I help my clients to identify the support they need
and where they might be able to find this support.

Reach out to find out more.

22/10/2025

You can easily feel isolated in times of high stress.

No matter how many others are affected by a stressful situation,
your response will be unique,
building upon your specific background and experience with this kind of stress,
as well as your values, beliefs, personality, and coping strategies
that have developed over time.

Reaching out to safe people for personal or professional support
gives you a gauge for your responses and
a broader perspective of not just the stressful situation
but also the impact of your responses within the context.

It also takes the pressure off having to manage the stress on your own.

Connection with and accessing support from others
can be a way to empty the stress tank enough
to reduce the overwhelm that can so often accompany high-stress situations.

This is a game changer in reducing the isolation and loneliness
that is so often a part of the experience of overwhelming stress.

I help my clients to identify the support they need
and where they might be able to find this support.

Reach out to find out more.