Change Thinking 2020

10/12/2025

What Could a Life Coach help you with?

How to maintain good mental Mental Health
How to stop OVERTHINKING
How to be master of your emotions
How to motivate yourself when you need to.
How to change state from pi**ed off to happy in seconds
How to speak so people will believe you.
What to do if you suddenly find yourself single
What to do if you are being abused in any way.
How to escape from your life with a narcissist.
How to thnk in ways that suppiort you, not hinder you.
How toi act, behave and believe positivly
How to clean up negative self talk
How to write goals out properly. How to plan achieving those goals
How to introduce yourself and build rapport with strangers
How to maintain rapport with your spouse
How to negotiate with kids for great outcomes
What to do about your procrastination habits
How to resolve arguments with your spouse
What books to read and what speakers to listen to.
How to develop your life philosphy
How to develop your skills speaking to groups.
How to address a touchy or sensitive issue with a good friend
How to tell if people are thinking in pics, sounds or feelings
How to adjust your language when you know how others think.
How to remove anger from your life completely
How to turn on confidence when you need to.
How to stand your ground with your spouse
How to set up a mental health safety net
How to approach anxiety
Lifting your self worth and self respect
Strategies for alienated Dads.

Keeping you accountable for what you say.
Nobody does it all on their own.
Enlisting good help is a smart move.

09/12/2025

Hey Folks, Christmas is typically a time when emotions blow over and angry outbursts can occur for some families. If you are concerned about your tendency to lose your s**t and you need to sort it out, here is my solution. It's called the Composure Program.
Tried and tested by many X-Hotheads. Enrol today and be Cool Calm & Collected by Christmas.
https://brightertomorrow.kartra.com/page/composuredetails

08/12/2025

Men, are you stuck in the Land of Overthinking, letting your emotions run wild? Understanding your nervous system is the missing manual for taking back control and finding solid ground.

I work with a lot of blokes who tell me they feel "wired wrong."

They lose control. They explode at their partner or the kids, and ten minutes later the guilt sets in heavy. They know they shouldn't have done it. But in that moment, something just took over and the logic brain shut off.

Here is the truth: You aren't broken.

Your nervous system is just doing exactly what it was conditioned to do.

It runs 24/7 regulating your heart rate, your stress response, and deciding whether you react with anger or stay calm—all without you ever reading a single page of instruction.

Think about it. We teach men to drive cars, operate heavy machinery, or manage complex finances. But the most sophisticated system you will ever operate comes without training. We expect men to "just calm down" without teaching them how their biology actually works.

Researchers call it the "window of tolerance."

-> Inside that window, you can think clearly and make good choices.
-> Outside that window, you're in fight-or-flight or total shutdown.

Most of the men I see have been living outside that window for years.

The constant tension feels normal because it's been the baseline for so long. But downregulating that stress response is a skill, like a muscle you have to build. If you weren't taught these skills growing up, that is not a personal failure. It is just a missing skillset.

You can learn it.

My "Change Thinking" program deals with the hardware you are running. When you learn to regulate, you stop reacting on autopilot and start building actual space between the trigger and your response.

The manual exists. You just never got handed one.

If you're ready to get out of the Land of Overthinking...

Like this post if that makes sense to you? Or drop a comment if you've ever felt that "switch" flip without warning.

04/12/2025

I replace beliefs the same way I replace tires.

When they're worn out and causing problems, I don't sit around debating whether they were good tires once.

I just get new ones.

Most men I work with have been carrying the same limiting beliefs for decades. Beliefs formed during some moment of pain or confusion when they were young, and those beliefs became automatic defense mechanisms.

You decided something about yourself at twelve. Maybe that you're not good enough, or that people will leave, or that you can't trust your own judgment.

That belief protected you from disappointment back then.

Now it's just stopping you from taking the risks that could actually change things.

Here's what shifts everything in my coaching sessions...

When a man realizes that a belief is just a judgment he made at some point, not a fact about reality.

Two guys witness the same event and walk away with completely different beliefs about what it means. The difference isn't in the event. It's in where they were standing when they watched it.

Once you see that, you can start separating what actually happened from the meaning you assigned to it.

And that's where choice lives.

The question I ask isn't "Is this belief true?"

It's "Is this belief useful to you right now?"

That reframe changes everything because it removes the identity threat. You're not admitting you were wrong. You're just doing maintenance on your mental equipment.

You wouldn't drive on bald tires because you're emotionally attached to them.

Your beliefs deserve the same practical attention.

When they stop serving their purpose, replacing them isn't betrayal. It's self-respect.

The men in my Change Thinking program get this. They're past blaming or justifying. They're honest enough to say "I need help" and then actually do the work of examining what's running in the background of their decisions.

That honesty is where real change starts.

So what beliefs are you still driving on that haven't been useful in years?

Like if you've caught yourself repeating the same patterns. Comment "maintenance" if you're ready to look at what's actually running your decisions and see if it still fits where you're trying to go.

04/12/2025

Therapy keeps you stuck in the past.

I ask a man "what's stopping you from getting where you want to be" and he freezes. Completely blank.

Nobody's ever asked him a future-based question before.

Traditional therapy trained him to excavate the past, talk about the trauma, process the event over and over. When I redirect him forward, he literally can't see what's preventing him from moving. That blank look explains why 44.8% of men drop out of traditional therapy.

Here's the first complaint I hear from men who've tried it: "I wasn't given tools."

They got asked to talk about it. Go back into it. But they weren't shown how to face what's ahead. If you've been through trauma that fundamentally changed how you think, asking you to relive it doesn't help... it re-traumatizes.

Better approach? Look at where you are and ask what's stopping you from getting where you want to be.

180 degrees different.

Take a man who's single after 20 years of marriage. Traditional therapy would have him processing that grief for months, circling the same pain week after week. I help him realize he can choose to feel excited about the future. Curious where it might lead. Happy about the increased freedom that comes with being single again.

I'm not dismissing his pain. I'm giving him a framework.

Here's a specific tool I use: I give clients a sheet of 60-70 values and ask them to highlight any values their ex had a fundamental influence on. They come up with about 10. They can't take the person with them, but they can take the values that person brought to their life.

We're taking treasures from the relationship into the future. Not focusing on what brought out negativity.

Another one becomes a pattern of thinking. What's preventing you going for a walk in the morning? Too cold. What's preventing you putting on an extra jumper? Usually nothing.

This one question shifts how they approach everything. What's preventing me calling that client? What's preventing me doing research into investments? What's preventing me paying it forward?

When a man internalizes this framework, he stops waiting for permission to move forward.

Traditional approaches give men awareness and coping strategies. I give them intervention tools they can use in real time. The man who can cope with his mental health is the man who can intervene in his own thinking, who's conscious of what he's automatically thinking and makes a conscious decision to think differently.

I don't treat the brain as something that needs healing.

I treat it as something that needs training.

The brain is pretty amazing when you teach it how to think more efficiently. That's just what the brain will do.

Men don't need months of processing. They need frameworks that let them start moving today, not six months from now after they've talked about their childhood for the hundredth time.

Like this if you've felt stuck in therapy that only looked backward. Comment below if you've experienced the difference between processing the past vs. building the future.

02/12/2025

The silence screams louder than any argument.

When separation happens, most fathers think the hardest part is the conflict. The shouting, the legal papers, the division of everything you built together.

But that ends.

What doesn't end is the silence that follows.

And fathers don't just sit in that silence. They fill it. They replay every moment, every look, every word their child said or didn't say. They create entire narratives about what their ex is telling the kids, building certainty around meanings they've never actually verified.

A father shows up to school on Father's Day. His daughter gives him a look.

He interprets it as hatred.

That interpretation becomes his reality. He carries it home, replays it for weeks, builds entire cases around it in his mind. But there's a massive difference between what you notice and the meaning you assign before you check.

You noticed a look. You decided it meant hatred. But you never got to ask what was actually behind it.

At twelve, a child's thinking is heavily shaped by the parent they live with. At eighteen? That influence drops significantly. I work with fathers who've been cut out for years... and what I see is this: the ones who spiral treat the silence as permanent when it's actually temporary.

The silence might last years. I won't pretend otherwise.

But filling that silence with stories that destroy you doesn't change the timeline. It just guarantees you're broken when reconnection becomes possible.

The fathers who survive separation do something different:

→ They document their attempts at contact
→ They prepare for the long game
→ They manage what they actually control: their own thinking

They don't pretend the pain isn't real. But they also don't let interpretations become facts they have to carry.

Because one day, that child will be old enough to seek the truth. And when that happens, you want to be the father who stayed sane... not the one who let the silence destroy him first.

The truth always surfaces. Your job is making sure you're still standing when it does.

Like this if you've ever caught yourself filling silence with meanings you never verified. Comment "document" if you're committed to playing the long game.

24/11/2025

And how will I speak? I will laud mine enemies and they will become friends; I will
encourage my friends and they will become brothers. Always will I dig for reasons to
applaud; never will I scratch for excuses to gossip. When I am tempted to criticize I
will bite my tongue; when I am moved to praise I will shout from the roofs.
Og Mandino

Call now to connect with business.

17/11/2025

Go the gym to work the muscle and skeletal systems, watch what you eat for your digestive system, breath clean air for your respiratory system, manage you collesterol and and blood pressure for your cardiovascular system, put on sunscreen to protect your integumentary system, your reflexes protect your private parts of your reproductive system, but what are you activly doing to manage your nervous system. Its the one system responsible for your emotions. Its the interface between mind and body. Yet few people know how to drive this miraculous system of nature.

28/10/2025

https://youtube.com/shorts/hwvDA8TBMDQ?si=fuao27V3OBAJs-0y

22/10/2025

Recognise that anger itself isn’t wrong —
it’s a signal of violated boundaries, unmet needs or expectations, or injustice. Learning to express it safely gives you back your strength.

22/10/2025

From trigger to choice in real time.

That gap between feeling the rage rise and actually exploding?

That's where everything changes.

Most men I coach know exactly what they need to stop doing. The yelling. Bringing work stress home. Shutting down when conversations get difficult. They know what's broken.

What they don't know is how to actually stop it.

Here's what I've seen after years working with men in behavioral change... your body warns you before you lose control. Every time. Chest tightens. Jaw clenches. Thoughts start racing in circles.

These aren't random symptoms.

Your nervous system preparing for a threat response. Your brain thinks it's protecting you, so it floods you with stress hormones and locks you into reaction mode before you've even made a conscious decision.

The men who make lasting progress? They learn to catch these signals while there's still time to choose differently.

That's the real shift nobody talks about.

You go from "I don't know what happened, I just snapped" to "I felt it building, and I chose to step back instead of engaging." Sounds simple. Takes serious training to pull off when your system is screaming at you to react.

But when you can read your own protection signals...

Respect at home instead of your partner walking on eggshells.

Composure at work instead of reactions you apologize for later.

Control in your own head instead of shame about who you become under stress.

This isn't about suppressing anything or pretending you're fine when you're not. It's about understanding your nervous system well enough to interrupt the automatic response before it takes over your behavior.

In my Change Thinking program, we train this systematically because knowing you need to change and actually having the skills to recognize your signals in real time are completely different things.

The respect you want at home starts with catching the signal before the reaction.

The composure you need at work comes from the exact same place.

Like and share this if you've ever caught yourself after the fact wondering why you reacted that way 💪

21/10/2025

From why me to what now.

The men who come to me already know why they're struggling. They've traced it back... childhood trauma, brutal breakups, years of self-destruction. They can explain the origin of their pain with frightening accuracy.

But knowing why hasn't freed them.

I've worked with enough men in crisis to see the pattern. The "why" question sends your brain straight into the past, and for a lot of blokes, the past isn't a safe place to spend time. That's where the damage lives. Where the neurology got rewired in ways that now drive the behaviors they hate.

In Australia, men account for 75.3% of su***de deaths. That's 2,419 men in 2023 alone.

These men don't need more analysis of why they're stuck.

They need tools for how to move forward.

Traditional mental health approaches love the why question. Dig deep enough, find the root cause, and you'll heal. That's the thinking. But I watch men spend years in this trap, understanding their trauma perfectly, explaining their triggers with precision, knowing exactly why they lose control... yet nothing changes. They're still stuck in the same destructive patterns.

So I ask them something different.

What's preventing you from taking a step forward right now?

Most of them sit there and realize the answer is nothing. That single question shifts everything. It moves focus from past causes to present obstacles, and usually there aren't any real obstacles. Just the habit of looking backward instead of forward.

Your neurology has been fundamentally changed through whatever you've been through. Trauma rewires the brain, creates new pathways, alters how you process triggers. These aren't metaphors, they're physical changes in how your brain works.

Understanding why this happened doesn't automatically rewire those pathways back.

What actually rewires the brain? New behavior. Repeated action in a different direction, building new pathways through practice instead of analysis.

The men I work with don't lack insight.

They lack practical strategies for how to change.

They need presuppositions, useful statements that help them see how they're representing the problem is probably the problem itself. Not the past event. Not the trauma. The way they're thinking about it right now, the story they're telling themselves, the meaning they've assigned to what happened.

That's what keeps them stuck. And that's what they can change right now.

Rather than dive back into why, I ask them to look at where they want to get to. Then we start taking steps in that direction, immediately, no waiting until they've fully processed their trauma or understood every nuance of their psychological patterns before moving forward.

Just movement.

One step, then another.

The real question isn't why. The real question is: What's preventing you from taking a step forward?

And if the answer is nothing?

Then let's go.

Like and comment if you've spent too long asking why and you're ready to start moving forward instead.