09/03/2025
DIFFERING CONFLICT RESOLUTION STYLES
It is thought that the manner in which people resolve conflict (their conflict resolution style) is related to the styles displayed by their parents in their families of origin (Strong & Cohen, 2017). This is because children often learn to resolve conflict by the example set by their parents. Weiten, Dunn and Hammer (2014) explain five main ways that an individual may respond to conflict:
1. Withdrawing/avoiding.
Withdrawing or avoiding conflict will present in avarietyof ways. For example, a partner may pretend they didn’t hear a comment or question, or they may change the subject. Alternatively, they may use humour to respond in an attempt to minimise the conflict, refuse to take a position during discussions, or they may simply walk away from potential arguments. Individuals with a withdraw/avoid conflict resolution style are uncomfortable with conflict. By withdrawing, avoiding, or ignoring conflictual communication they are trying to terminate the conflict. If this behaviour is accepted by their partner, the conflict will not be resolved and the existing behaviours and problems will be reinforced. A partner engaging in withdrawal is considered to have low concern for themselves and their partner.
2. Accommodating.
In accommodating, the partner prefers to hasten the end of the conflict. They choose to obligingly comply with their partner’s remarks. Accommodating may appear as a partner responding with short statements, such as “Yes, that’s right” or some other action designed to soothe the other person. Through accommodating and bringing a hasty end to the conflict, they are avoiding their feelings and simply surrendering. They may feel they will not measure up or they may have become accustomed to playing the role of a martyr. In contrast to the withdrawal style of conflict resolution, accommodating indicates low concern for self and high concern for others.
3. Forcing/competing.
This is a win/lose conflict resolution style. This partner considers themselves to be in competition with their partner. They can be hostile, devious and obstinate, and use threats, intimidation or duress to win. The conflict is black and white to them. They will win at any cost. It is an abusive style of conflict resolution and not helpful for resolving conflict within a relationship. In fact, it is more likely to increase tension and resentment. The competitive partner has high concern for themselves and low concern for others.
4. Compromising.
This is a practical perspective of conflict. It indicates a view by the partner or partners who are compromising that the resolution to the conflict needs to meet their mutual desires. In compromising, the partner does not relent or surrender. They choose to have their needs met in a way that is acceptable to them while relinquishing part of their requirements in favour of their partner’s needs. There is partial satisfaction for both partners. These partners have moderate concern for themselves and others.
5. Collaborating.
In this style of conflict resolution the problem is viewed by both partners as a mutual issue. They will collaboratively work towards a solution that is satisfactory and the most favourable for each. By collaborating on a resolution the discrepancy is clarified and the similarities are brought into focus. It encourages honesty and sincerity which will enhance the trust in their relationship. Partners who collaborate display high concern for themselves as well as others.
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