Phil Bird Psychology

09/02/2026

Children are spending significantly less time with their parents compared to 30 years ago. 👪

What we do during our time with the has never been more important. ⏳️

They are spending more time online where MRI research shows a reduction in white matter in the brain in associated with increased screen time. White matter is essential for neural connectivity and development. 🧠

The absence of relational connection from the increased use of devices slows neural connectivity and brain development.

Children have less free time for unstructured play and curiosity. An essential process that creates agency, self-direction and development of the sense of self in the pre-frontal cortex 💡

Many schools and systems are still setup on a basis of behaviour management and control, with less space for relationship. 🏫🚸

This means our children are developing in an increasingly connection deficit society.

Their behaviours have already began to adapt, with increases in:
👉 Hyperactivity,
👉Impulsivity,
👉 Emotional reactivity,
👉Novelty seeking, and
👉 Oppositional behaviours.

These behaviours all have one thing in common...They are connection seeking behaviours.

These behaviours are often misunderstood in young boys especially, leading to an increase in what we call 'the nurture gap.'

The nurture gap is the space between what children need and what they recieve in our society. And we need to start talking about it. 🧠🌿

We will be writing more about this in our next article, but...

If you are a parent raising boys, we would love to hear what YOU think! 💡

Are the needs and behaviours of young boys often misunderstood?

Are children developing in an increasingly attention deficit society?

References:
Image from In Plain Sight report (released 2025); Queensland Family and Child Comission.

Hutton, J. S., Dudley, J., Horowitz-Kraus, T., DeWitt, T., & Holland, S. K. (2019). Associations between screen-based media use and brain white matter integrity in preschool-aged children. JAMA Pediatrics, 173(3), 244–250.

06/02/2026

Are boys really 'born to be wild?' 🤸‍♂️🤸‍♂️

The research says....
No!

They are born with the same nurture needs as girls. What differs is how they express their needs and how we nurture them. 🧠🌿

In our society, boys tend to recieve less nurture than girls.

We call this 'the nurture gap' and it can have a profound impact on development.💡

Boys need just as much warmth, regulation and connection as girls.
They may just show it differently.

If you are a parent raising boys, you can read all about the nurture gap in our recent article published in The Australian. 📰

Comment 'nurture' and we'll send you a copy! 🧠🌿

02/02/2026

The need for control and automony is an essential stage of development (as challenging as it can be at times 😅).

Often children will show a strong need for control as they begin to develop their sense of self and create new networks in their social brain. This can present as:
👉 Clinging to toys;
👉 Becoming more possessive of space and toys;
👉 Insisting on doing everything for themselves;
👉 More oppositional;
👉 Increase in 'sibling rivalry' during play.

This is an important building block to express their needs outside of the primary attachment system in social relationships. 🧠✨️

30/01/2026

Here are THREE powerful things happening inside your child’s brain when you read aloud:

1. Your 'storyteller' tone voice helps their nervous system to co-regulate with you and feel a sense of safety.

The rhythm and warmth of a storyteller’s voice activates the vagus nerve through their tiny middle ear muscles.

This sends the message of safety and regulation to their nervous system.

Reading becomes regulation. 🧠✨️

2. Creating connection in the limbic system

As safety and regulation increase, the brain releases oxytocin — the bonding hormone.

Oxytocin supports:

🌿 attachment
🌿trust
🌿 emotional connection

So the story isn’t just about entertainment…
It’s relationship-building at a biological level.

3. Curiosity and attention systems in the pre-frontal cortex

As your child imagines characters, predicts what happens next, and holds images in mind…

Their prefrontal cortex lights up — the part of the brain responsible for:

🌱 attention
🌱 meaning-making
🌱 curiosity
🌱 learning

When safety + connection + curiosity come together…

That’s the sweet spot for healthy brain development.

Their nervous system isn’t just hearing a story… You are helping them to develop their brain in these small moments. 🧠🌿

No wonder when the story ends they look up and say:

"Can we read it again?!” 😅

24/01/2026

Without sustained nurture, boys are at risk of becoming men who:

1. Appear intimidating when they become overwhelmed;

2. Dismiss the needs of others because their needs were never acknowledged;

3. Resort to control because they never learned that relationships are a safe place to be vulnerable and connect;

4. See anger as the only permissable emotion;

5. Struggle in relationships because vulnerability feels like danger.

We talk about the challenges of youth mental health, su***de and domestic violence as separate crises. But to those that work with children and families, they trace back to the same cultural fault line: a gap between what children biologically need and what boys in particular, are allowed to recieve.

We call it 'the nurture gap.' And we need to start talking about it. The nurture gap is not a personal failing of parents, it is a cultural blind spot, one we have the science and moral responsibility to correct.

Read the full article on the nurture gap by and in .australian.

21/01/2026

I have teamed up with the amazing Rachel Samson to write this article for a unified response to close the gap through meeting the fundamental nuture-based needs of safety, regulation and connection across every level of society.

Read the full article in the Australian today via the link in bio.

14/01/2026

The most meaningful change in the developing brain occurs through connection rather than correction.

Whether it is through parenting, early education, school settings, therapy or otherwise; it is imperative that relational safety and connection is the priority for every child across every level of society.

18/11/2025

Do we need to rethink the term "meltdown?" 🫠

They aren't really 'melting down.'

But they are always doing this behaviour for a reason...

And the reason is that their nervous system is seeking safety and co-regulation in that moment.

So perhaps we should just call it what it is...safety seeking or regulation seeking.

If we can shift our interpretation of these behaviours, it can help us to shift how we respond in these moments.

And what children need from us the most is a response that matches the need of their nervous system. 🧠✨️

Which do you prefer?




-regulation

05/11/2025

🌱4 things co-regulation and gardening have in common🌱

1. The needs of every plant (child) is unique.
Each plant has different needs for:
☀️ Sun (active regulation)
⛱️ Shade (quiet regulation)
💧Water (nurture and connection)

2. Every plant needs water to grow 💧
Neural connections can not thrive without relational connection.
It muse be foundational and never conditional.

3. We can't water plants with an empty watering can.
We need to regularly fill up from the tap of regulation and connection 🚰

4. Growth occurs below the surface before we see change above the surface 🪴
We need to continue to show up as consistently as possible even when we don't see changes to surface behaviours straight away.

Every child needs at least one watering can (co-regulator) to thrive. The more watering cans, the better!

Follow for more psychology, parenting and the needs of the nervous system 🧠🌱

14/08/2025

Secure your spot and unlock a new lens for trauma and neurodiversity 🧠✨️

Building New Pathways - Supporting children and families who have experienced trauma.

📅 2nd-3rd of October, 2025
🕐 9:30am - 4pm
📍Online event

The 2-day expanded Building New Pathways series will include:

👉Understanding the impact of trauma on brain development and the “Building New Pathways” model – nervous system repair strategies based on the Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics (NMT – Bruce Perry);

👉Learn about clinical applications of the Polyvagal Theory and how to apply practical strategies for safety in the home, school and therapeutic environments;

👉Explore the common behaviours that we might see as a result of compromised brain development;

👉Develop a renewed understanding of a child’s behaviour and family dynamics through The Window of Tolerance and the Needs Map for trauma-based symptoms;

👉Explore practical strategies to be used to prevent challenging behaviour;

👉Learn how to assess trauma-based symptoms and behaviours within the ‘Pathways’ framework to guide treatment planning and review progress;

👉Explore strategies to create safe and therapeutic environments for traumatised children and adolescents;

👉Explore trauma-informed strategies for common difficulties and behaviours such as anxiety, defiance, emotional outbursts, hyperactivity, sleep problems and aggressive behaviour.

👉Explore sensory-based and relational approaches to facilitate safety, regulation and relational security;

👉Learn how to develop therapeutic relationships with children and adolescents who have experienced early attachment ruptures;

👉Learn how to work with the child’s attachment network to develop safety, caregiver attunement and attachment security;

👉Develop skills and further understanding in supporting caregivers who are experiencing attachment stress and caregiver burnout.

👉Learn about the NEuroSensory Therapeutic (NEST) Program principles for supporting children and families who have experienced trauma.

👉Get access to exclusive assessment and therapeutic tools for supporting children and families within the ‘Pathways’ framework.

👉 Access to the recording if you

Building New Pathways is designed for those who need to support children and adolescents who have experienced early developmental trauma. Building New Pathways explores trauma and brain development, practical strategies for complex behaviours, and relationship-based strategies for improving connecti

25/07/2025

The Developing Brain Parent Workshop: Tomaree PS 🧠✨️

Thankyou to all the parents who attended The Developing Brain: Responding with purpose workshop on Monday night.

We explored some of the key concepts from the Needs-Based Approach to parenting, including:

⭐️ The key stages of brain development;
⭐️ How to identify the core needs behind behaviours;
⭐️ The core ingredients to respond and co-regulate through behaviours;
⭐️ The essential four R's to support sleep and the developing brain;
⭐️ How to respond to the need, rather than react to the behaviour.
⭐️ And lots of great questions from the audience.

Big thanks to for inviting me and Tomaree PS for hosting!

Stay tuned for the online parent series coming soon! 🧠✨️

20/05/2025

Thankyou to all the clinicians and educators who attended the Level 2 training over the last two days! 🌟

I hope you left feeling more empowered to understand the language of the nervous system and continue to make meaningful change in the lives of the children and families you are working with 🌱💡

✨️COMING SOON✨️
Stay tuned for the new series: Supporting Adult Nervous System within the Pathways Framework! 🧠