23/02/2026
When I was 18, I drove around with a heat pack pressed against my lower back.
At 18.
Most people that age are thinking about outfits and music and who’s going where.
I was thinking about how I was going to get through the day.
If I had a small window of energy — a rare moment where I felt almost normal — I’d grab it. I’d say yes. I’d go out. I’d try to be like everyone else.
And I would severely pay for it.
The next day (sometimes the next few days) my body would shut me down.
My lower back would flare.
I’d be back on the heat pack.
Back to cancelling plans.
Back to wondering what was wrong with me.
It felt like life was happening… and I was negotiating with my body just to participate.
I wasn’t lazy.
I wasn’t unmotivated.
I was exhausted from pushing through something I didn’t understand.
Looking back now, I can see it so clearly. My nervous system was overwhelmed. My body was bracing, protecting, holding onto stress I didn’t know how to release.
I have so much compassion for that 18-year-old version of me. She was trying so hard to live fully in a body that didn’t feel safe to relax.
If you’re in that cycle — good day, overdo it, crash — please know this:
Your body isn’t punishing you.
It’s asking for support.
And when you start listening instead of fighting it, everything begins to change. 🤍