25/07/2024
Why is monogamy the default?
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How decolonising your values rather than relying on the “good and bad” binary can lead to healthier relationships.
The word ethical sets us up to fail from the beginning. I always cringe when I hear people say ethical non-monogamy or ENM. I hear people to it to differentiate themselves from garden variety non-monogamy, like there is something inherently bad about it. That non-monogamy is unethical by design. Monogamy isn’t all it’s cracked up to be either.
I’ve met few ethically monogamous people in my time. In fact, as a S”xologist monogamous people cheating on their partner is common. Maybe I should start calling them unethically monogamous? I’m sure it would go down a treat.
When you set up a binary of ethical and unethical, you fall into the good and bad trap. These are set up to compete against each other, like one way of living is better than the other. For many, this is not the case. When you remove the binary, you can see the full experience of what it means to be a human who wants to relate to others.
By incorporating the practice of decolonising into how you view romantic relationships, it takes you off auto pilot. It encourages you to think about your own values. What matters to you most, it gives you another option instead of the patricidal and colonial option of one partner.
Have you ever stopped and asked yourself why monogamy is now the default?
***r
