16/12/2025
in 2026, I'm offering the Awareness Informed Foundation Program for schools. Early consultation available now.
There's an old story about a lighthouse keeper's daughter who lived on a rocky island off the coast. Every night, she'd watch her father climb the spiral stairs to tend the light - trimming the wick, cleaning the lens, making sure ships could find their way safely through the dark.
One stormy season, ships kept running aground despite the lighthouse burning bright. The harbour master blamed the keeper - "Your light isn't strong enough" he said. "Burn more oil. Make it brighter."
So the keeper burned more oil. The light blazed. And ships still ran aground.
It was the daughter who finally climbed to the top and looked not at the light, but at what the light was revealing. The rocks had shifted in the winter storms. The safe passage had moved. The light was doing exactly what it was designed to do, but the question everyone was asking was wrong.
They kept asking: "How do we make the light brighter?"
She asked: "What is the light showing us? What's changed that we're not seeing?"
For 20+ years as a clinical psychologist, I've watched schools ask the same question the harbour master asked: "How do we fix this student's behaviour?"
More consequences. Stricter rules. Better behaviour management systems. Brighter lights.
And like those ships, students keep running aground.
Because we're asking the wrong question.
Neuroscience shows us that behaviour is communication about brain state.
When a student can't sit still, acts out, shuts down - their nervous system is communicating something. It's often not about the child being "difficult," but about unmet sensory, relational or systemic needs.
The rocks have shifted. The safe passage has moved. And the behaviour is the light showing us where..
If you're a principal, wellbeing coordinator, or educational leader who's tired of asking the same question and getting the same results, I invite you to ask a different question.
Not "How do we fix this behaviour?"
But "What is this behaviour showing us?"
Let's look at what the light is revealing - together.
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