02/11/2025
I picked up Becoming Myself at a time when I was wrestling with the question, “Am I really living my own life, or just following a script others wrote for me?” It was late one night, my mind buzzing after another day of chasing deadlines that didn’t actually matter to me. I remember sitting on my couch with Yalom’s book, expecting a clinical psychology text—but what I found instead felt like sitting across from a wise elder who wasn’t afraid to be vulnerable. Yalom shares his own journey of aging, self-discovery, and even mistakes. It wasn’t a lecture. It was a conversation I didn’t know I desperately needed.
Here are 7 lessons that shaped me from this book:
1. Life is about becoming, not arriving.
Yalom stresses that we never really “arrive” at some final, perfected self. We’re always becoming. For me, this eased the pressure I felt to “have it all figured out.” It reminded me that growth doesn’t end at 30, or 50, or 80—it’s continuous.
2. Vulnerability is strength.
One of the most powerful parts of the book was Yalom’s honesty about his own aging and mortality. He doesn’t posture as the “all-knowing therapist”—he shows his own fears. That made me realize: hiding our struggles makes us weaker, not stronger. Vulnerability invites connection.
3. Death awareness can make life richer.
Yalom believes facing our mortality helps us live more fully. I used to avoid thinking about death—it felt too heavy. But when I let myself imagine the finiteness of life, my priorities shifted. Small annoyances mattered less, and time with loved ones felt more precious.
4. Authenticity beats approval.
He warns against shaping your life around what others expect. I saw myself in this—chasing roles and achievements to prove something. Yalom’s reminder to live authentically, not performatively, hit home. Approval fades; self-alignment lasts.
5. Therapy (and life) is about connection, not fixing.
As a therapist, Yalom emphasizes presence over prescriptions. It struck me how true this is in everyday relationships, too. People don’t always need advice—they need someone to sit with them, to witness their story. I’ve tried listening more deeply since, and it changes everything.
6. Regret can be a teacher.
Instead of burying regrets, Yalom suggests we use them as guides for the future. I once carried shame for not speaking up in moments that mattered. His perspective reframed regret: it’s not just pain, it’s information. And it can help us live differently moving forward.
7. Aging isn’t just decline—it’s perspective.
Yalom doesn’t sugarcoat aging, but he shows its gifts: wisdom, perspective, clarity. It made me less fearful of getting older and more curious about what lessons each stage of life can bring.
Book link: https://amzn.to/4olAy7a
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