07/02/2026
Screaming/crying meltdowns multiple times a day for 30 mins - 120 mins each time.
Communicating through grunting, growling or yelling whenever anyone tries to talk to her.
Absolutely refusing/fighting to go to sleep and being up for hours in the middle of the night.
Not wanting to go to the playground or leave the house.
This is what my daughter's burnout looked like. And she was only 2 years old.
There is a lot of information out there about the "terrible two's" and how throwing tantrums is normal and age-appropriate. So lots of people think that this is just part of toddler behaviour.
But it's not.
They were signs that my daughter was overwhelmed and not coping. When "tantrums" last longer than 15 mins, something is going on and we need to look at what is going on underneath. I can be things like sensory overwhelm, chronic overtiredness. Neurological differences etc.
In our situation it was a build up of too many demands. This is the reality for PDA'ers (and other Neurodivergent individuals). It is never the one thing that triggers a meltdown. Because we do do things! We don't always avoid everything (despite the name indicating that we do) and love going out into the world and spending time with others. But everything we do, all the places we go, is full of demands. And each time there is a demand or expectation, pressure or a loss of equality & autonomy, we feel threatened. And this keeps building until we do something to come back to ourselves.
This is how PDA'ers burnout. It has happened to me multiple times over the years. And it just happened to my then two-year old.
What do you?
REST
Lower demands wherever you can. School & work just have to wait. Outings with friends can wait. If you don't feel up to it, it's OK not to go. Good friends will understand and be there when you're ready. It's OK to let hygiene slip for a little while. You do what you can when you want it. It's OK. It won't be like this forever.
We kept our daughter home from daycare for a couple months, and she is a different child. We lowered demands. No more having to sit at the table for dinner. We can skip the teeth brushing and bathing. Let her walk around with her nappy a bit longer. Let her sleep in a dress and we even let her decide when she was ready for bed. The only demands/boundaries we placed on her were around risk of harm, but otherwise she didn't have to do anything she didn't want to.
And now she is regulated.
Regulated she is happy, friendly, kind and caring. She says hi to people, invites kids to play and looks after others. She wants to go places. She tells us when she feels cross or upset. She still cries or yells when things are hard, but she allows us to comfort her and help her. And her upset doesn't last longer than a couple minutes. She is back at daycare and making friends.
Kids need us to see past the outward behaviour. Behaviour is just the expression of their internal world. My daughter couldn't tell me with words that she was not OK. That the pressure was too much. The demands were too high. Behaviour is communication. And once we listen, we can truly support our kids and set them up for a great future.
Through this experience, my daughter learned she can always rely on us. We help her through the tough times, we will never judge her for not coping in this world that is too asking too much. She now knows she is worth having her needs met and hopefully learns that we need to honour our body in order for us to be OK!
