Kym Madden Counselling

12/12/2025

Freedom from Rules that Kill our Day

As a local counsellor, I have a question for you.

Are you living by an internal rulebook that cuts you off from accepting others, and yourself?

We all have our 'rules'. They are ‘the shoulds’ that have been passed on through our families or have blown out from our experiences. Usually without our realising it. They show up in many different ways, for example, “I should be able to x”, “you should do y” or “It shouldn’t happen this way.”

They act as rules for what we or others must do, or be, or how situations must unfold. If not, we feel entitled to be annoyed or upset.

This is not to suggest that things can’t be improved….of course, there is always room to respond in a constructive way. We also need personal boundaries, and and as a society, there are behaviours that we agree keep us safe as a community.

What I’m talking about are expectations that quietly but surely rule our state of mind: we believe things must be a certain way. They really must. We hold these ideas to be reasonable, to be true. And so we end up battling others, or ourselves, or life in general.

Every day brings a struggle of one kind or another. Because things quite often aren't as they should be. No wonder we feel depressed or anxious sometimes.

There is good news: our rules can go. The first step to releasing them, and finding a lot more harmony in your day, is simply becoming aware of any rigidity in our expectations.

What are you saying to yourself when you are upset?
What are your ‘shoulds’?

Just noticing creates some distance from them. These rules have been used by you. They are not you.

Soren in his Wisdom 2.0 blog says this:

'Most of us carry around a mental model—a story—of how people ought to live, and then we offer that story to others in the form of a should.

“You should get a job.”
“You should exercise.”
“You should be more like this, less like that.”

We get “should on” all the time, often by well-meaning people who don’t realize they’re placing their story on us.

Of course, life needs rules, agreements, and shared structures. But should carries a particular energy. Should rarely asks questions. Should isn’t curious….it doesn’t think it has much to learn—because should already knows it’s right.'

Dismantling our rules doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process of asking if we need this one, or that one. Is it really helping us be happy in ourselves and in our relationships with others?

06/12/2025

What every young person needs to hear...

Subscribe to my newsletter: https://danielpink.substack.com/In this video I share 5 pieces of advice that we've all heard... but have the potential to ruin y...

01/12/2025

We can be strong, and still benefit from support.

10/11/2025

How healthy do you feel?

If you feel unhealthy most days, why is that? What's going on for you?

It can be difficult to know ourselves, if we have layers of self criticism, lots of explanations, lots of history we carry on our shoulders.

We can avoid some hard truths...we add layers of complexity that cover up our reality, like a cake that is beautifully decorated. We can fixate on the icing, the embellishments, and overlook our reality.

If you are feeling exhausted by seemingly wasted efforts to become healthier, you may be weighing yourself down by too much complexity. There's a lot of information out there. Lots of options. Everyone has advice. With so much noise about becoming healthier, it's hard to think straight.

All you know is that you are cut off from the better version of yourself.

Have you tried to become healthier....to eat better, to exercise, or stop an unhealthy habit like smoking...only to find your efforts fail you?

You may make detailed plans only to find yourself back where you were. Still feeling unhealthy. Or you ping-pong between times you feel healthy and times you feel unhealthy.

Do you know how common this is? We've overcomplicated our lives.

If this is a time to reset, I respectfully suggest giving up all the baggage, all the detailed changes, all the explanations.

What one or two things would make a difference to feeling healthy?

Yes, you may have many aspirations. But, putting aside for the time being all that you want to do, would do in a perfect world, what is not helping?

Gaining clarity on this is the perfect starting point to becoming a healthier version of yourself.

Focusing on one or two things ONLY will free you from being bogged down in trying to do too much at the same time.

You may be stuck by having too many 'shoulds' and 'musts' in your life. Are you willing to give yourself some freedom?

By letting go of all that you might do, and just holding in your mind's eye the one thing you can do something about, you are ready to be healthier.

Let go of all the various strategies that are 'over-egging' the omelette. Just get clear on the one or two things you know will make a difference, and you will clear the way to make a change for the better.

20/10/2025

Being Discerning

AI surprises us every day. It is a wonderful tool for accessing information about mental health and wellness. It can give us many useful ideas for coping with today and planning our future. We are only beginning to discover what is possible with AI.

The thing is AI has no heart (although it may be designed to suggest it does). Let's remember this.

We are not designed to live an isolated life. We need others emotionally. When we are healthy, our hearts do connect and support each other.

When we face times of change, and challenges in life, we also need to be truly seen and heard for who we are at our essence. It is better if we have a real person nearby. A warm, caring person who helps us make sense of our complicated experiences.

AI can't do this. Despite everything it has potential to do.

Can we learn to discern in our new world? We need human contact and support that is different from information and recommendations.

The heart will tell us this at 4am.

19/09/2025

Is your life changing? At times of voluntary or involuntary change, it can really help to have a caring professional to support you. Counselling is a sign of health and resilience, not weakness.

I endeavour to provide a gentle, clear, compassionate approach that meets you where you're at, and respects your needs and best hopes. I am a mature age counsellor who will not judge nor share any information. Sometimes all we need is to speak aloud what is in us.

I draw upon acceptance and commitment therapy, internal family systems and solution focused brief therapy to help you build greater meaning, connection, and fulfilment in times of stress and change.

In-person, telephone, and online sessions available. No obligation for number of sessions. Please see www.kymmaddencounsellingandcoaching.com for more information, or contact me on 0438 357 772

16/09/2025

Thoughts from a local counsellor ....

Too much of a good thing? An antidote for you to consider

We have come to rely on our minds for getting through our days, organising ourselves and our families, assessing how we are doing, fixing things that go wrong, and planning our future.

Our minds are indeed wonderful in so many ways.

However, problems will often come from how we are thinking about ourselves, a relationship, or a situation. How we are looking at something makes a significant difference to what we experience. Yet changing this lens can seem impossible.

Also, we can restlessly turn over things in our mind. Trying to figure out what's happened and what the best solution might be. Many of us have all seen firsthand how our minds can entrap us.

What can we do when we are struggling? One antidote I put to you is this: see if you can find your heart in all of this.

The first step is to shift from your mind to your body. Notice what discomfort or pains you have, and where you feel it most. Are you carrying stress or tension in your muscles? if yes, which part is feeling it the most? If you scan your body, what do you notice? Can you acknowledge these sensations and feelings for just a moment or two? Just notice them there and let them have a little space so that they can move through you when they are ready to do so. By resisting them, we are locking them into our bodies.

The second step is to gently turn your attention inwards to your heart area. What emotions are you feeling right now? If you can, name each as you notice that feeling. Sadness, fear, anger, frustration. Whatever is there is your heart, notice it.

The last step is to ask your heart what heart quality will help you at this moment. Our hearts have natural qualities that support us.... qualities that connect us with our spirits and most essential self. For example, trust is a heart quality.... trust in yourself, in people, in situations, in the way life is unfolding. There are many pure heart qualities: love, compassion, hope, gratitude, forgiveness, openness, and respect. They come without conditions, when from the heart. It is only the mind that adds conditions or limitations to them.

This is a time to be gentle with yourself, to ask open questions. What heart quality do you need right now? What is in low supply? What would support you in this present moment if you opened more fully to it? Again, name it and allow it, to the extent you can.

Invite clarity, be willing for it, but set it aside. It will come when you are ready. There is no need to hunt for how to make it happen. Opportunities will arise. Simply return to your tasks.

When you sit in your heart space like this, you are opening to more of you. You are honouring the whole self. This will support you.

I hope this suggestion might work for you when you are caught in life's many challenges.

Please know that I offer a friendly shoulder if you'd like a counselling session for whatever reason. More about this at www.kymmaddencounsellingandcoaching.com

Illustrator unknown: credit to the creator and a thank you.

12/09/2025

Not old and not young. How fortunate to have this gap in life. A place of gratitude and opportunity. Meryl Streep puts it like this...

20/06/2025

What if AI meant this?

What if the new era of AI means that we as humans are being challenged to become more human and less like robots ourselves?

To find new ways to open our hearts, be more compassionate, wiser, more connected with ourselves and others, accept our unique human qualities and value them, to transform our grief over life's many losses into a deeper meaning of life? To make a more humane world than the world has yet known.

Can we step up? Let the robots do the 'boring' work.

18/06/2025

No matter how hard life gets, waking up with an open mind and open heart is what counts. Even 1% improvement is to be celebrated. Thanks for the photo, Sam Samantha Palmer

16/05/2025

SPECIAL OFFER

Are you at a crossroad?

If you are wishing to speak with someone about something important...I am offering online sessions at a lower price in June.

Just $80 per hour (no rebate available, normally $120).

Note: Online only – telephone or video counselling sessions only using What’s App. Will need to download this app (free). Fully encrypted, private sessions.

Individuals only, not couples

Valid only between June 1 - August 31, 2025

Free initial consultation available – see if I am right for you

I am an experienced local counsellor (in my 60s) with wide life experience. Offering compassionate counselling, no judgement, treating you as a whole person not just the issue you wish to discuss.

Work at your own pace. Flexible how often, and how many sessions.

Offering sessions on weekends as well as during the week.

For more information, see https://www.kymmaddencounsellingandcoaching.com

Message anytime - kymmadden1@gmail.com
0438 357 772

11/05/2025

What KIND of 60-year-old do you want to be?

You may not want to be 60. Maybe you like being 50, or 40 sounds much better to you.

However, being 60 will be your fate unless you have a worse outcome.

So what kind of 60 is for you?

Here are three questions to consider.

1. How old do you want 60 to be?

How will you identify yourself….young or old (or in-between)? How will you refer to yourself and others at 60? How will you see your capacity, your attractiveness, your weaknesses? Will you treat changes you see in yourself with compassion? Will you see yourself improving in important ways? Will you be ageist in your thinking and your words? Will you notice the benefits of your age?

2. What qualities do you want in your 60s?

Which of your personal qualities and characteristics would you really like to cultivate or ‘dial up’, once you are past the high-pressure years of career and family? What specific strengths and abilities will serve you best over the coming years, in the face of change and opportunities. How can you best deal with inevitable losses in life? What qualities are you pleased to have, and want to shore up:

3. How will you keep growing?

What are you going to be open to, and be flexible about, in your 60s? Will you allow for new pleasures? What new ways will you expand your mind? How will you look after your body? How can you give to yourself and others?

Deciding the kind of 60 you will be can be life-changing.

Yet most of us just fall into old ways of doing things. We allow ourselves to run down, to get just a bit stale. We see the best years as behind us. We communicate this and are treated like this. What a waste of this decade!

Let's give ourselves much more grace than this.

Turning 60 is an opportunity to live with intention and adopt a growth mindset. To live more fully. The 60s can be the best decade of your life if you let it.

If you are ready to give some thought to your 60s, consider counselling. I keep time each week for new clients because it's no fun waiting months for an important conversation.

www.kymmaddencounsellingandcoaching.com
kymmadden1@gmail.com