Dr Claire Mayers

12/11/2025

https://www.instagram.com/p/DQ4-mAaEjkK/?img_index=7&igsh=dmVobXZoc3AzcXN4

10/11/2025

https://www.instagram.com/p/DQNeXPukum0/?img_index=6&igsh=ZXJlNzQ5eXRxd2tt

10/11/2025

Who abandoned who?⁠
⁠
For many childhood trauma survivors, cut-offs and setting boundaries with toxic parents can be excruciating because the inner child gets flooded with guilt and shame around letting the family down. ⠀⁠
⠀⁠
When I'm working with a client in that position, I know they're caught in a battle between their adult part, which knows to continue with the toxic parent means to be: ⠀⁠
⠀⁠
*used ⠀⁠
*not seen⁠
*shamed⁠
*triangulated⁠
*severely triggered⁠
*guilted⁠
*and again be put in their childhood family role (the resource, the scapegoat, the parent)⁠
⠀⁠
And the inner child is only focused on not wanting to be bad. ⁠
⠀⁠
In connecting with our inner child, our adult part's job is to hold space for the pain and undo the brainwashing. However, inner children need a lot of help seeing who the toxic parents are and what is the truth about what happened in childhood.⠀⁠
⠀⁠
Two big inner child traits: ⠀⁠
1) Inner children hold out hope that the family will "get it" until we are fully healed.⠀⁠
2) Inner children have built-in forgetting about what happened to them.⠀⁠
⠀⁠
I'll ask a client who is struggling with their toxic parents in the present and ask, "Who abandoned who?"⁠
⠀⁠
Who didn't show up for you when you were bullied?⁠
Who left you with the perpetrators?⁠
Who modeled a one-way street?⁠
Who let YOU be the parent?⁠
Who left you to figure it out on your own without safety?⁠
⠀⁠
"Who abandoned who?"

09/11/2025

Sometimes the diagnosis...⁠
⁠
Is being an asshole.⁠
⁠
Sometimes the clinical diagnosis is asshole.⁠
⁠
We spend or, we have spent, a significant amount of time⁠
self-diagnosing ourselves, as well as trying to figure out⁠
why a family member or ex is so abusive. ⁠
⁠
Are they? (insert any DSM criteria as to what you're seeing and are looking to match up or confirm)⁠
⁠
Then what?⁠
⁠
This is a gentle reminder that figuring out why someone might⁠
be abusive doesn't keep you safe or change things. The change is ⁠
up to the abusive person, and it usually isn't looking good.⁠
⁠
As childhood trauma survivors, our inner child struggles with the reality that someone is bad for us. This is a function of our codependency. As small children, we rooted for abusive or unprotective parents. We had hope, and it's still a problem.⁠
⁠
If we know they struggle with a mental health issue, we become more compassionate, which means we might still subject ourselves to abuse.⁠
⁠
Our inner child needs help reclaiming that not everyone is for us. Some people don't deserve a second chance, or even a first one.⁠
⁠
What matters most is your peace, safety, and dignity.⁠
⁠
Am I saying everyone with mental health issues should be shunned or deserve the stigma? Of course not!⁠
⁠
This post is about no longer allowing people to be as****es to us and not getting caught up in why they are abusive.

03/11/2025

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DPo3dB8Ej0a/?igsh=Z2Y3ZDNsZHZhYW10

02/11/2025

💕

01/11/2025

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DQaIAVfkvyH/?igsh=MW5mN3VzNjAxeHNhdw==

31/10/2025

28/10/2025

https://www.instagram.com/p/DP3z17vAscP/?img_index=19&igsh=MXhxaXBrazU1ajRzcg==

28/10/2025

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DNxzcYPWIqf/?igsh=NG90amRwcWZlNGll

27/10/2025

Might take myself thru these questions too 💗
https://www.instagram.com/p/DQSHp2rjONW/?img_index=12&igsh=aXRlYjgyMmY5YzQ=

26/10/2025

'Just do one thing' they say. But the other things get very loud when you try to 'just do one thing'!