10/12/2025
Connection vs Authenticity in the Perinatal Period
One of the most confronting parts of early parenthood is realising that some of the connections you’ve carried through life weren’t truly built on you.
They were built on who you had to be to stay connected.
The perinatal period has a way of stripping things back.
Sleep deprivation, the intensity of caring for a newborn, the sudden expansion of responsibility, the hormonal rollercoaster, the identity shift—all of it makes masking and self-abandonment so much harder to sustain.
Your nervous system won’t let you ignore your needs the way you used to.
Your baby’s needs force clarity.
Your capacity shrinks.
And for many people, that’s when the truth of their relationships starts to surface.
You may begin advocating for yourself, your time, your rest, your boundaries—sometimes for the first time ever.
You might speak up where you used to stay quiet.
You might push back where you used to over-function.
You might protect your child in ways no one ever protected you.
And suddenly… some connections feel shaky.
Not because you’ve done anything wrong, but because the version of you those relationships relied on is disappearing.
This is where the grief lands.
Grief for the friendships that don’t survive when you stop overgiving.
Grief for the family relationships that feel different now that you won’t play the old role.
Grief for the parts of your identity that feel foreign or lost.
Grief for the safety strategies that once worked, even if they cost you pieces of yourself.
None of this means you’re failing at connection.
It means you’re moving toward authentic connection—the kind that can hold the real you, the messy you, the newly-expanded you.
The perinatal period isn’t just about becoming a parent.
It’s about becoming someone who can’t lie to themselves anymore.
And while that honesty can shake things apart, it can also build something sturdier, truer, and far more connected than what came before 🫶🏻
