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Louise Pearson Counselling, 80 Mount Street, Melbourne (2026)

08/03/2026

Well here we are at another Sunday, and this one feels a bit special, because it is International Women's Day. This is an institution which has been going now for 115 years, and I love knowing that because there are so many women to celebrate. This afternoon for example, just going to see the Diary of Anne Frank's Theatre production, reminds me of what a harrowing period that young teenaged woman lived through during the second World War, and the tragedy that her loss was in the week's before it's end.

As I reflect on it's meaning to me this year, I also think of the ordinary women who achieve incredible things with their lives, and yet are not celebrated in any major way. I think about the women of my own social circle for example, and find that there are so many women whom I could mention, that my mind is flooded with images. There are women who have shown incredible bravery at different points of their young lives, and either by themselves or with just one other for support, have packed up their lives as they had known them, and chosen to come to live in Australia. They've had to settle in an entirely new country, into a culture that was not their own, sometimes also needing to learn a new language. There are women who, regardless of their responsibilities in everyday life, find themselves dealing with the added trauma of having a life-limiting illness like MS. Firstly they are then are they dealing with their own fears for a future which is now uncertain. Just as importantly though, they can also find themselves coping with the ideas and expectations that those around them have about what they can and cannot achieve with their lives, regardless of how much they are loved by these people whose fear turns them into naysayer. Then, there are women who have discovered the career move that was right for them late in life, and have still had the courage to complete the requisite study, starting out again with new graduates many years their junior, and taking all of the steps necessary to pursue that dream.

I think that what we also need to see, is that for some women, everyday life without any of these challenges is still enough to make them remarkable. I have friends who are single Mothers for example, who have worked fulltime to pay the mortgage and the school-fees, while also trying to fulfil the role of both parents for their children. For other Mums who are partnered, it seems that there is still an imbalance of power and expectations in the home, regardless of how much things have advanced in recent years. How often is it the women for example, who are folding or ironing the washingand cooking meals, while they will also be the one still making the costumes for the school play, cooking the cakes for the bake sale, and getting children to basketball; not just the matches, but the training as well. They will be the Nanna or Grandma who puts aside her own interests only to donate a day or two each week of their time to look after their pre-school grandchildren, when twenty years ago they were the ones doing all of the childcaring themselves.

So as you think about the women in your life, I urge you to give some thought to whom it is that you find remarkable. Is it someone famous like Anne Frank, or someone who goes about her day quietly achieving so much, but also making it possible for others to reach their dreams because of the time she puts aside. And if you are reading this and are a woman yourself, think about some of the things that you achieve yourself, and consider raising a glass to yourself tonight, to recognise your own contribution.

Have a great week everyone, and enjoy the last warm day of this long weekend. Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe out there and as always, stay connected.

01/03/2026

Well here we are at the end of another Sunday, and one of the things that I have been giving some thought to this weekend, are the rules which exist within our society about how we grieve.

It is true of course, that rules govern a lot of what we do in life, not just how we grieve. They tell us how fast we can drive our cars for example, what time we should get to work each morning, how it is and is not appropriate to treat other members of our community, and what are acceptable ways to punish or reward our children. While some of these rules are backed up by appropriate legislation making them more of a requirement than a choice, others are supported by latest research or are just backed by popular opinion. Last night for example, I was listening to the range of foods that pregnant women are actively discouraged from eating. Anything from coffee, to cooked prawns and soft cheeses are off-limits now, and while it remains each prospective Mother's personal choice as to whether she follows these strictures, it is information so widely talked about that I think anyone choosing to blatantly ignore it would feel the judgment of those around her.

Grief is another subject about which people seem to have strong opinions that they are willing to share, some of them sensible and some of them not. While we now talk more openly about our grief experiences and in some cases seem better able to listen to the pain that people might be experiencing as they grieve, these societal rules still actively tell us whom we should be grieving for, what that grief should look like and for how long it should last. It is a popular view for example, that when someone in your family dies, you will be the hardest hit by this death. It is also the family who are expected to know about what sort of mourning rituals that a dying person would like to be remembered by. What we know as reality however, is that some people are not close to family members at all; in fact some people have family members whom they may not have seen for many years. These people might be much closer to the friends whom they choose as their family, and yet most workplaces won't recognise this, nor give them days of bereavement leave at the time when one of these friends dies. Further, whereas when someone's partner dies we expect them to wait what we define as a respectful amount of time before that person moves on to a new partner, if they are still waiting five or six years later, we might be impatient with them to get out and meet new people.

Just as importantly, we also seem to have a lot of unwritten rules about how we should and should not feel when someone is dying or has recently died. As I have mentioned here before, one of the things that I have noted since my diagnosis with cancer is that people who don't know me well ask questions in very hushed tones, with people often fearful of asking straight questions. Chatting to a client a few days ago, we were also remarking on the ways in which when someone has died, they automatically become a likeable person to those around them. We are expected to talk of them as a "great bloke" or a "good wooman" - whereas in reality we may not have known them well, or liked what we did know.

So how do we help ourselves to deal with all of these rules? Well I think that there are two points worth making here. Firstly, I think it is important for us to be able to talk about our experience and our feelings, openly and honestly, at least with someone. If we are being expected to grieve someone whom we didn't much like in life for example, we need to be able to express our feelings as they truly are, even if our main feeling is one of frustration about the expectation. When that person who has died is a close family member and we are feeling the weight of that social expectation to grieve, we will require some support from people who know how it truly is for us. Of course we also need to remember that our feelings are our feelings, and don't have to be acceptable to other people.

This of course links with my second point, which is that open and honest conversation on all of these grief rules is the only way that we will change them. If we talk openly, we can give people different perspectives. Further, if as we negotiate things like Enterprise Bargaining Agreements in our workplaces, we can talk about the fact that family are not the only people that we grieve for, then we might change the rules that currently exist about which relationships are included in bereavement leave.

Have a good week everyone and remember that if we ask others questions, we will learn a lot more about their experience of particular life events. Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe out there, and as always, stay connected.

15/02/2026

As regular readers of these posts will be aware, one of the topics that probably gets mentioned here more often than most, is self-care. I think it is something that in these uncertain times, makes sense. What I see in my counselling room, is that some people are experiencing a lot of anxiety at the moment, whether it be caused by the cost of living rising, the crime rate, the protesters on our streets, the changes in political figures or dealing with anxiety about mortgages and the uncertainty of employment. It stands to reason then, that we need to take any steps that we can to help ourselves. Well I am raising it again tonight because of a conversation that I had with a friend a few days ago.

This woman, is someone who has great presence about her. Although I have not known her a long time, she strikes me as someone who is often happy, and someone who sees the joy in situations. She has had many adventures in life, which she shares with me from time to time. The mother of two adult children, she and her husband have, she tells me, never stayed in one of their homes for longer than five years at a time. Instead they have moved around to different areas in Melbourne, gone to live in London for years on end, and are just in the middle of orchestrating their latest move at almost seventy. This time they have sold their lovely four-bedroom home and moved into their one-bedroom flat in the inner suburbs, while they await inspiration for where they might want to buy next.

Now I appreciate, that it's what to some, sounds like hardly a problem to have at all. Being able to wait for that creative inspiration or to meet the next house which just whispers into your unconscious mind the words "buy me now, I'm the next house for you", is often not the only thing that drives us as we look to buy a house. Instead we are constantly doing sums, worrying how much those rates might rise and what that might mean to our mortgages. Still, to move house every five years? It would be beyond my worst nightmare. Imagine all that packing, let alone negotiating new loans, working out proximity to work or to local amenities, and so on. Then, once it is done, knowing that I'd be doing it all again so soon? As I said, my worst nightmare! For my friend however, it makes her tick, and when I asked how she avoids some of this anxiety, she said simply "well I practise a lot of self-care, and I have a self-care buddy who keeps me on track!"

To her, the self-care does not always take a lot of organising! It might be getting up every day and deciding to take a walk with the dog. It might be setting aside fifteen minutes to meditate. It might be taking time out to read a book which interests her, or setting off with the daily intention of doing at least "this" much packing, to help with the latest moving plans. Whatever daily intensions she sets out with however, she and one of her close friends have gotten into the habit of sending a text to each other each morning, outlining what they will do which is just focused on their own self-care, for that particular day. She says that while of course they are able to hold each other accountable to their plans, just the act of thinking and planning is enough to ensure that she makes time to do it.

Well this struck a chord with me. Although I haven't set up anything quite as formal as my friend has, I have notebooks allover my house, or files in my computer which I have started at one time or another, all aimed at bringing my focus back from feeling negative, towards the positive, which are again just examples of self-care. When I began chemotherapy in 2021 for example I had a ritual of noting down five things from each day which had made me happy. At other times I have noted down things that I am grateful for, or broken goals down into very small, achievable steps. So, if you feel like your mood is low, and like your self-care is either non-existent or not well maintained, remember that sometimes small steps can help us here. If you like my friend's idea, look around for a self-care buddy, remembering that what that leads us too is another regular connection in our lives, and this I believe, is key to our mental health and wellbeing. The other point is that through self-care, we are extending ourselves some self-compassion. We are recognising a need in ourselves, not trying to push it down and out of sight. At different times, we all have these needs!

Have a good week everyone, and try to pay some special attention to your self-care. Take care of yourselves and of each other; stay safe out there, and as always, stay connected.

08/02/2026

And as we come to another Sunday night, I find myself reflecting on something which I find to be fairly incredible, really! In the last five weeks, I have been lucky enough to attend the birthday celebrations of two extraordinary women. Both of them are extraordinary in my mind for different reasons, but they had one thing in common; both were celebrating a hundred years on this earth.

As I write that down, it feels surreal to even think about. Cards from the King? The Governor-General? The Prime Minister, and even a blessing from the Pope? These were ways in which they were publicly recognised, just as they should have been. Still, they also had proud family standing behind them, to talk of their achievements and to acknowledge the important parts that they had played in people's lives. Knowing both women, I think that this recognition from granddaughters and great-granddaughters and other family members, will have been what remained with them, as family is something that they both truly value.

As I stood in the crowd on both occasions, I couldn't help but feel inspired! A hundred years? A full century? I think about the ways in which the world has changed in that time, the events that have taken place. Both of them were old enough when it happened, to be able to remember the second world war very well, for example!

In one situation, one of these women was living and working in Townsville, when orders were being made to evacuate the women and children from the town in 1942. The fact that that evacuation was called off at a moment's notice, came courtesy of the American soldiers who arrived under General McCarthur the day before they were due to go. They were saved by the bell as it were, from being moved down to Brisbane, and my friend was able to go back to serving in one of the local cafes, and listening to the dreams of young soldiers who soon enough would be shipped out to war.

The other woman, yesterday's birthday girl, was one of the voices of my childhood, and someone we always called Auntie. She is feisty and strong and has a laugh which is both happy and infectious. She too was affected by the war, and upon meeting the right man at his end, found herself married to him and gone within six weeks of their first meeting. Yesterday, her flower girl Joan was among us and delivered one of the speeches; herself now a woman in her early 80s. As I stood listening yesterday, I also found myself being amazed by how these women may be a hundred years old, but they are still in so many ways their glorious selves. My Aunt was just as interested in news of our family as she always is, and I had to stop and remind myself that up until COVID times, when she was in her early nineties, she was still involved in looking after her great-grandchildren. She may be in aged care now, but to live out on your own, still cooking and still doing until you're 98? I think that's very impressive.

I came home feeling delighted, that I had been lucky enough to be a guest at that party, and inspired anew by the quiet achievements of both of these women. I believe that when we truly feel inspired, it's a restorative feeling, and can lift us out, even if only temporarily, of whatever might be troubling us in our lives. So, I encourage you to think about who or what really inspires you; and not to be tied down to things that you feel "should" inspire you, or inspire others. Sometimes the smallest acts from individuals can make a difference, and even though others might not notice those, you do. That you do notice, is absolutely reason enough to be inspired. Have a great week everyone! Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe out there and remember as always, to stay connected.

01/02/2026

Well here we are at another Sunday night, and the Aus Open is almost over for another year. As the women slogged it out on the court last night, I stood alone for a moment at a social gathering I was holding, listening to the chatter going on around me. While I rejoiced in the sound of people enjoying each other, I was also reminded of how you can find yourself gaining a new perspective on something, just by listening to the conversation going on around you.

In this instance, I was listening to two good friends of mine chatting together in the crowd. They were talking about the reality of what it is like to need a new kidney, how difficult it can be for family and friends to provide support at that time, and then also about what it can be like when you have actually received your organ.

One of my friends has been on dialysis for five years now for example. She had not been eligible for a kidney during this time because of some skin cancer, and waited with incredible courage and patience to be able to go back on the waiting-list again when this time had passed. In the middle of December last year the wait was over however, and after completing a barrage of tests and paperwork, she is now awaiting a call from the hospital. While it is wonderful that that is now a possibility for her, she is also now living a waiting-game which must at times be incredibly frustrating. She cannot be but steps away from that phone at any time for example, because it won't ring twice, when time is of the essence. The thought made me shiver at the time; how must it be for her, every time a private number comes up on her phone? She must have a bag ready to go to hospital immediately should she need it, and in the meantime she must continue to live with the difficulties of dialysis; of meeting with nurses four times per week, of it taking up so much time in her day, the need to be careful any time she eats anything, while her drink is made up of ice-cubes now, and very little clear liquid.

The friend that she was chatting too is one step ahead of her however, in that she is supporting her brother, who in his sixties has recently been given a new kidney. She is trying to negotiate different challenges because of this. For him, it has not been a magical transition to life with a new kidney. He has had difficulty accepting that he needs to continue taking anti-rejection drugs for the rest of his life, so that his body can tolerate the new kidney for example. Someone for whom money has been a problem for years now, he is struggling to pay for all of the supplements that he needs to keep his weight up and has therefore lost 30 kilograms in a few months. Having done that myself with cancer, I winced, as I listened. While I joke about how much I am enjoying being thin again, it has also required me to kit out a whole new wardrobe because things are just too big to wear now, and I can only imagine how frustrating this must be for him. Living alone, he is also exhausted by the need to support himself on a daily basis, and has been readmitted to hospital on a couple of occasions now. He has not been helped out at those times by nurses who have deemed themselves far too busy to give him a shower, and being too weak to do it alone, he has on one occasion waited for almost a week, before his sister stepped into advocate for him.

As I listened, I found myself thinking about how necessary it is for us to hear these sorts of conversations, and to be educated to the difficulties faced by others in their everyday lives. We all know of people who are struggling, some with medical problems, some in the cost of living crisis, some in their working lives, and so on. While some of us are happy to ask the difficult questions — to find out about pain levels, and other difficult symptoms for a cancer patient for example, in reality what I often see is that people don't want to hear the detail. We are human. We don't necessarily know what to say, when someone's situation is hopeless. Instead, we like the happy stories such as my friend now being eligible for her kidney transplant. While the fact that she is back on the list is indeed a happy eventuality, we skim over what that wait period is like for her; how challenging it must be to spend time hoping that the next time the phone rings it will be her turn. Both of these beautiful friends of mine are not complainers; they are simply making the best of a bad deal, and will benefit from people in some way acknowledging their struggle, as they were able to for each other last night.

So, as you go about your week, I urge everyone to think about what it feels like for us to have the experience of really being seen and listened too. If you have people in your life struggling in some way like these friends of mine are, remember if the time feels right, to ask some more questions and to hesitate before you rush in with comments, but really listen to the answers. Take care of yourselves and of each other; stay safe out there, and as always, remember to stay connected.

25/01/2026

Last week you may recall, I was reminding us all that when we want to make a change in our lives, often it takes reflection on our part to think through what is working for us, and just as importantly what is not. When we know the answer to that question, then however hard it is, I think we owe it to ourselves to commit to taking that first step towards change. Whether it be to ditch that relationship because it isn't working, to take up a hobby or to plan a holiday, it might take us out of our comfort zones it is true to take that step, but in time we might be very glad that we have done it.

Well this week I was trawling through a Facebook group in the hours before dawn, when I noticed that a young woman was asking for suggestions of other women. She'd just ended a relationship wherein she felt unsupported and like she could never do anything right in her partner's eye. As she thought about taking a step towards what she hoped would this time be love, she was wanting to make sure that she didn't make the same mistakes. As I flicked through the answers, there were a lot of great responses. Someone suggested she write a list of what qualities she wants in her next partner and then commit to sticking to it. As I reflected on their answers, I thought that the advice was good. She could benefit from making a list of behaviours that she would and would not tolerate it is true, just as she could give some thought to "what do I value, and do our values really align?" or "Do I feel safe in his or her company?"

I also think that she should perhaps take it one step further than this however. I think she should give some thought to writing a list called "what behaviours do I see in myself when I am around this person that I like in myself, and what behaviours do I avoid thinking about because they have me cringing internally?" She needs to ask herself: "do I laugh a lot in his or her company?", or "Do I see myself running around as a people pleaser always trying to make him or her happy?" "Do I take too much responsibility when he or she is unhappy?" "do I feel comfortable taking up some conversational space when we are in front of his or her friends and family?", and "do I feel sure of him or her when we are amongst other people, and that I can call behaviours which are causing me concern?" I also think that one of the things that is so often left out of our thinking about partners, is "do I seek him or her out among my close people, when something goes wrong?" "Do I feel supported by him or her?", and "Do I get to talk about my day too, or is it all about them?"

If we can observe ourselves and pay close attention to some of the answers that these questions give us, we might well be saddened by their answers it is true, but we will also not be setting ourselves up to fail, when our needs are not being met. I am sure that most people who have ever been in a relationship will agree with me here; issues that are a problem when the relationship is beginning, are unlikely to go away without work from both partners, as time passes. Despite your best efforts, you will not be able to change the behaviour of a partner. You will however, with time and effort, be able to change your own behaviours, and make a life for yourself where you feel more confident about what it is that you want, what it is that you deserve.

Here's wishing everyone a relaxing long weekend however you are spending it. Spare a thought for our people fighting floods and fires and for those who have lost so much in recent weeks and days. Have a happy Australia Day tomorrow and remember to take care of yourselves and of each other. Above all, stay safe out there, and as always, stay connected.

18/01/2026

Well here we are at another Sunday night, and for me it's hard to believe that it is already the middle of January. However, with the Australian Open now having replaced The Ashes on my tv screens, this year of 2026 is well and truly under way, and I wanted to come and wish all of my readers the happiest of New Years.

While these sentiments roll off the tongue very easily, I have been reflecting on the fact that for many people, things have been incredibly difficult over the Christmas period, and early summer. Some for example, have been devastated by bush-fires, again. Others have experienced freak weather episodes which have caused flash-flooding and washed camp-sites away, to say nothing of the mental trauma they have caused. Even in my own community during these holidays I have heard about a lot of deaths. One was a beautiful cousin of mine who died too soon, of cancer. Another is a man in the prime of his life who experienced a medical emergency and did not survive it. For someone else, it was one of her much-loved cats, who has been in her life for eighteen years and whose death is hurting as much as any human family member's ever has. Of course with each of these deaths often comes unbearable suffering and loss for the nearest and dearest. What we also need to keep in mind is that there is a ripple affect caused by every death, and for those who are not so close or who may be impacted by the events rather than by the loss of individuals, it can still be incredibly painful.

Often at these times, we are reminded of our need to keep in mind just how fickle life is, and therefore of our wish to make the most of the moments we still have to live through. It is something that we often talk about, when someone close to us dies. We say things like "I'm going to remember to use the good glasses", or "we should talk more often than we do at funerals", or "I'm definitely going to make an effort to see more of him, this year". Well although statistics tell us that New Year's Resolutions are forgotten about each year by the middle of February, there is still something to our desire to change things, which I think we can harness.

This thought has me remembering an afternoon which I spent here in my kitchen with a lovely friend on the first day of the year. My friend said simply that this year, she wants to change one thing. When she thinks of something she'd like to do, what she wants to do differently is to take action more quickly than she usually does, towards making it a reality. Instead of being caught up in thinking "they won't want to do that", or "yes I must remember to read that book or ring that person", for example, she wants to think about whether she really does want to do it, and then take the steps necessary to make it happen with more immediacy.

When she shared this idea with a couple of her girlfriends, she found that they could see the value in it too and were soon coming up with plans of their own. Already she's been booked up for a girl's weekend away in the first couple of months of the year. She also has made arrangements for another group of friends to go to a free concert put on by the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra in at the music bowl, and so on.

Of course, for me, the idea has great appeal. It involves both the act of becoming socially involved, while also encouraging us towards taking steps towards change. Being a believer in the importance of human connection, I also believe that when by chance we are feeling lonely, questioning whether we are enough or where it is that we might belong, what new interests we could pursue, this is the time when we most need opportunities for connection.

So, if you have in any way been struggling through the beginning of your year, remember that small steps count as much as large ones ever do. If you've been thinking that you'd like to do this or that activity, break things down into bite-sized pieces, and then make sure your first step can be taken immediately and is not one which will cause you huge anxst. As you go about your week, I first want to thank you for taking the time to read these posts, and then to ask you to take care of yourselves and of each other. Stay safe out there, and as always, remember to stay connected.

21/12/2025

Well here we are, and I'm sure that for some of us, our groaning credit cards actually do have us believing that it is the Sunday before Christmas. So, before I leave your Facebook feeds in peace for a few weeks, I wanted to reflect a little, as I often do at this time of year, on the year that was.

For me, it started with the knowledge that we were fast running out of options for stopping this Pancreatic Cancer. When a drug trial became available to me in April, I gritted my teeth when I read it's side-effects profile, and then signed on the dotted line. Well one of my learnings for this year then became apparent; not all side-effects show up for everyone, and so for me it was well worth trying a new option. It had me able to attend a family wedding in June, get some work done to my house, go for a ride in a helicopter, read books with my Book Group, join a choir, and regularly catch up with much-loved friends and family. By year's end, the ground that I stand on might be a bit shaky, but I've still been able to go on an 80s cruise with one friend, plan an ocean holiday in Kiama (which I highly recommend as a way of releasing some stress), and have people gather in my home again for Christmas.

What I am also reminded of at year's end, is that it is also the small everyday things that we do, which we remember with as much joy as we do the bigger and more obvious events. I remember well an afternoon spent at a friend's farm recently for example, as I reacquainted myself with her Mum, who was visiting from Canada. It's the impromptu dinners with family or friends, the chance to rekindle old friendships, the nights spent with other friends talking about all manner of things, some trivial, some important. It's being witness to what my clients achieve in their lives, and being able to find meaning in projects such as writing my second book.

Just as importantly, it's about being able to notice what's going on in the world at large, which might leave us with particularly heavy hearts, but which also confirm for us how fortunate we ourselves are. Last week, I did not need to be on the ground at Bondi for example, to silently witness the devastation caused in just a few short hours, which will reverberate in many people's lives, for years to come. Things like all of the crime sprees in our city which seem to go largely unpunished currently, the countries devastated by war, and the rising costs of living, also has me recognising that for many people this year is a bigger struggle than anything I am going through personally.

My point then, is that we all have things that this year will be remembered for. If we look hard enough, we can find things which have constituted successes for us personally. They can be big, they can be small, but the point is that they mean something to us, and that's what makes them important. Like the idea of the Brag book which I talked about some months ago (where we take note of our work achievements and write down the positive comments that we have received), this reflecting too allows us to celebrate the things that have been important to us. For some of us it has been an incredibly hard year which may feel like we've had more hard times than good; reflecting on those times too allows us to find recognition for those difficult times. Feel free to write in the comments below, what you have found this year memorable for.

As we come into Christmas week and the last year of 2025, I want to thank you for reading along with these Sunday night posts for another year. The fact that you find some of them give you cause for reflection while others might give you some ideas to go forward with, is something which I find incredibly humbling. Take care of yourselves and of each other and if Christmas is not your thing, or is something that has you feeling anxious, try to remember that it is just one day, and often only a few hours. Remember that when we are feeling most alone, connection is the key that will most often get us out of that trough, so I urge you as always to stay safe, and to stay connected.

Louise Pearson Counselling

08/03/2026

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