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Louise Pearson Counselling, 80 Mount Street, Melbourne (2025)

16/11/2025

Last week, you may recall, I talked about the importance of social connection. One of the things that I have been reflecting on this weekend then, is the power of communities, to build and maintain these connections. The words of the old song by the Brotherhood of Man come to mind; "united we stand, divided we fall." Today I myself again appreciated the value of working with others, towards a common goal.

So, what do I mean by this? Well it will come as no surprise to you I am sure, that the idea of finding better treatments which will improve the survival rates of people with Pancreatic cancer is now something dear to my own heart. With less than 15 per cent of those diagnosed making it to five years, despite the intervention of surgery, radio and chemotherapies, it's a fairly bleak picture really. This morning then, four friends and I took part in the Unite For Hope walk, to support Pancare, an agency which provides support to people with Pancreatic and other upper-gastrointestinal cancers. This organisation provides things like a counselling service, funding for a dietician's intervention, support groups and information to people with these cancers and their families. Just as importantly in my opinion, is the fact that it also provides funding to those researchers who are trying to find new treatments.

What I can say after doing the walk is that the rain that threatened, certainly didn't put us off. There we were with a huge number of other family and friendship groups just like ours, walking together and working towards the cause, so that those diagnosed after us can have a much brighter future. Some wore stickers or had writing on their t-shirts remembering those that they had loved and lost, and the feeling for me, was at once uplifting and reassuring. To think that people were prepared to take time out of their busy lives to make a difference for us (whether it be by walking or by donating to our team), is at once humbling and encouraging. I feel that we really did Unite for Hope.

Of course another point to make here is that communities come in all different shapes and sizes, and with a range of purposes only restricted by our imaginations. Sometimes a community can be much smaller in terms of numbers, but can create change just as effectively. For one of my clients as an example, this has meant joining a support group in the last week, which we hope is going to give her ideas for creating change in her life, in a space where people are not judgmental, and have been in her position before. Even after attending one meeting, I could sense a lift in her mood. It seemed to me that she felt both welcomed and seen, two of the ingreedients I think, which give us the impetus we might need, to be open to new connections.

While I think that involving ourselves in a community, large or small, is a fantastic way of building our connections, I do also want to acknowledge that when we are in the wrong sort of community, we can feel particularly alone and isolated. Sometimes we are a part of a community not by choice, but by necessity. I certainly had no great desire to join the world-wide community of those diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, for example. I am sure also that for many of us, our workplace communities might have both people we are connected to, and those whom we might even actively dislike in the same space. This might make that community less of a great fit than the ones I have described above, and lead to things like social anxiety about the idea of attending things together, like Christmas gatherings. The bottom line however, is that we do have choice over some of the communities that we participate in, and that there are so many communities out there to choose from. There are some who gather as dog-walkers, people who do Park Runs, while others attend choirs and book groups. A client recently told me about a knitting group which she has joined, where people sit in a pub or local cafe, and knit.

So, if you are feeling isolated as Christmas comes again, consider looking around for a community of people interested in some of the same things as you are, and remind yourself that you might have to try several, before you find one which you can relate to. Have a great week everyone! Take care of yourselves and of each other. Stay safe out there, and as always, stay connected.

09/11/2025

One of the things that I have been reflecting on in the last few days, is just how good connection is for us. Sometimes it can be challenging, I know. Sometimes, because we usually find it very anxiety-provoking, we tell ourselves that we don't need it. If however, we are able to suspend our judgment for long enough to put the anxiety and the negative self-talk to the side, then I believe that there is nothing like social connection for improving our moods.

Last weekend being an unofficial holiday weekend here in Victoria for example, was a busy one for me. I had several opportunities to connect with people. I caught up with some old friends for lunch at one point, and was delighted to be in their company. Another night I gathered with family to celebrate an important birthday, and I even fitted in a movie with two other friends on Sunday night. On Melbourne Cup Day itself, I had ten around my table to watch the Cup, to eat and drink and be merry.

Well because of the symptoms that I experience as a part of my cancer, it is rare now that I allow my calendar to become so full. Further, because that it was so full, I certainly found it challenging at times. Whereas I am someone who loves opening my home to new people, starting off new friendships and so on, by Tuesday it is fair to say that I was exhausted. As much as I didn't like doing it, I accepted people's offers to bring in a lot of the food. Perceiving my tiredness, friends cleaned my kitchen, put out desserts, got drinks and so on. What I then needed to accept was that nothing had changed. It was still a fun day at my house, and we were focussed on enjoying our day, not on what I could or couldn't do.

My point here then, is that although we may feel that what we perceive as our social inabilities or downfalls hold us back in social situations, often this is because of the critic inside our own minds, which is telling us that we are not enough! Often these things which we feel and tell ourselves are glaringly obvious to everyone, are not even noticed by those we are connecting with. While we then become very anxious or downright miserable in these social situations, we need to stop that chatter inside our heads, and talk gently to ourselves. If we feel close to particular people at the gathering we are attending, we might even find that talking about our feelings to those people will allow them to keep us in mind when the room is full of people, and when we are feeling like the odd person out. My point though, as we approach the silly season, is that opting out of these gatherings, can mean that we close off some great possibilities for reconnecting with old friends and making new ones.

My final point tonight, is that connection doesn't always take the shape of a large gathering. Sometimes it can be a call or a text, which changes everything, and motivates us. On Tuesday morning for example, as I stood in my kitchen with a potato peeler contemplating a massive pile of potatoes and feeling despair at my exhaustion, I noticed a text come in from an old friend. She had noted that I had not done one of these posts last Sunday night, and wanted to check in with me. Was I okay? As I responded and we established that we did indeed need to catch up, I realised that of a sudden I was okay. I'd forgotten all about the potatoes. They'd get peeled, tiredness or no, and I was buoyed up by just hearing from my friend. So, even if you haven't been in touch with that friend for ages, and wonder if you'll have anything to say to each other now, remember that the only way to find out is to make that call, or send that message.

Have a great week everyone and keep looking for those opportunities to connect. Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe out there, and as always, stay connected.

26/10/2025

Something which I have been reflecting on in the last couple of days, is the idea that taking small steps towards our own self-care can change things up for us. I know that I often talk about small steps here, but it seems that everywhere I go this weekend — whether it be listening to 3aw's overnight talk show, attending sessions at this year's Mental Health Summit for professionals, or even flicking through the things that come up on my Facebook feed, everywhere seems to want to share insights with me about self-care. So, I figured, it might just be a topic worth revisiting!

The idea that people seem to be trying to get across at present, is that without attending to our own self-care needs, we won't actually have the resources that we require to care for others. We need to fill up our own cup essentially, so that we can keep on giving, or we'll have no energy left to raise that coffee-pot and fill up someone else's.

So the second point here, and perhaps the one which has me most interested, is that there seems to be greater recognition that for many of us, by necessity this happens in smaller acts, rather than in what feels to be large steps which take a lot of programming, time and effort. Listening to a psychologist speaking on that overnight program for example, she was acknowledging that as a busy Mum, she can't just plan an hour in a spa-bath once a week, and may not find time to start that mosaics project that she keeps looking at, because it's just too time-consuming to even start. Yes, it might be a fine point that we need the time out, but depending on circumstances it may not be an option for us which is easy to organise.

So, then we need to look at — in a situation like this, what are her options? Can she play some music in the bath-room while she fits in a three minute shower? Can she decide as someone who loves reading, that whatever else happens in her day, she's going to read five pages in her current book? Might it be that — feeling like she has no great desire to exercise, she sets an alarm on her phone for every hour when she is at her desk working from home, and when it goes off, she stands up and does ten squats on the spot? Can she set the iPad up so that her Mum can watch the children for just five minutes, while she takes the time to reset her breathing and shows herself some compassion for her exhaustion? For this woman, some of those options, although very small tweaks to her life, have made a real difference. I know that for me, just stopping beside my digital piano for a minute and picking out a clumsy tune (which is currently the best I can do), really lifts my spirits.

Importantly, some of these things might feel more achievable, than sitting down every day to write a list of ten things that we are grateful for. And the bottom line? If it works for you, it's worth doing! With AI one of the hottest topics on Facebook adds currently, this morning I downloaded two journal apps. One was called Pillowtalk and it allows you to chat openly with the AI bot, with it giving sometimes insightful questions about the subjects you choose. The idea here is that by clearing our minds at night, we will sleep better. Another was called Rosebud, and is very much into helping us to set daily intentions, to set short-term and long-term goals and so on. While both of these are paid apps, I also love the app Untold, which I have mentioned here before, and which does similar things but is, I am almost sure, free. My point here though, is that there are so many different ways for us to release our pent-up emotions, and work out our next steps; and while the old notebook and pen still works for me, every effort is being made it would seem, to create new things for us to try.

So, as you go about your week, if you are feeling a bit exhausted as we move towards the year's end, think about the small steps that you can make, that will help to recharge your batteries. Remember always that you are worth the effort, and that making even one small change can have an impact on how we are feeling. Have a good week everyone! Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe out there, and as always, stay connected!

19/10/2025

So, picture this! I was sitting with a client recently, and she was telling me about a situation wherein her confidence had been shaken in the workplace. Things are changing there. She is struggling to deal with these changes, is feeling like her considerable experience in this work-setting is being overlooked; like others are taking credit for work that she has done. When she tries to talk about this, she is quickly silenced by management. As she told me the story, I could all but feel her pain. I've been in too many workplaces myself, and like this person, am not easily silenced when managers are more about themselves than they ever were about outcomes for the client group whose interests they are supposed to be promoting.

Now what makes matters worse in these situations is that when my client receives feedback about issues which she has raised, she didn't receive any encouragement, only criticism. I found myself gritting my teeth as I listened, thinking, really? When does that ever work?

I'm sure most of us can relate to the situation. Whether in the workplace or in our family or friendship groups, we have all at some stage been the one on the receiving end of criticism. It might be that with that one family member, we feel like we can never get it right. It might be that when we think about criticism, we can immediately hear someone in our memories telling us that we are just "too outspoken", "too quiet", "too cynical" or a whole host of other "too's". The bottom line is that when we hear that sort of feedback, even when it is well-meant, it almost always hurts, and often shakes our confidence. How does the old explanation go? Positive feedback slides off us like oil. Negative words or feedback on the other hand, sticks in our mind like adhesive.

So, I have three brief points to make on this subject. The first, is that at all times, what we are listening too, is only an opinion. Now, if everyone in your life starts telling you something similar, I don't mean that it's not time to sit up and take notice. What I do mean though, is that it is information that you can evaluate. You might need to accept some of it, it's true; you might learn from what is being said and decide to make some changes. On the other hand, however, you might not. It's an opinion, and you can disagree with it.

My 2nd point is that this story reminds me that when you are giving someone criticism, it's all about the delivery. Personally I find that it works better to temper something that you know might be hurtful to hear, with some genuine positives. That friend might really have annoyed you for example. You might really want to get something said, but as you prepare to say it, remind yourself of what you like about the person. Remember also, that there will be things that they might not like about you, too, and that at times you too might have been hurtful, sometimes without meaning to be. In my experience, when all we hear is negative? We stop listening and start reaching for our defenses.

And finally, research now recognizes the benefit we can get from remembering times when people have expressed real gratitude for things that we have done. Well, I think we can also benefit from reminding ourselves of the positive feedback that we receive in our travels. There are lots of ways to set this up. It might be that you have a word document on your desktop, and you jot down things that people say to you, cut and paste from emails or texts, etc. You could alternatively, make a scrapbook and paste in nice wording from cards that you have received, ... you could do it with an album of screenshots on your phone. My point is that this positive feedback is something you'll then have at hand to look at, whenever you feel the need. It is also an opinion, and is no less valuable than anything negative you hear. So, when you start to replay those negatives in your mind, you can remind yourself that there will always be naysayers, and take out your positive feedback to interrupt that loop of negative thinking.

Have a great week everyone. Remember how good it feels to get some positive feedback and so ... where you can, throw some in for someone you love this week. It might just make their day. Take care out there, stay safe and as always, stay connected.

12/10/2025

Well here we are at the end of another Sunday, and one of the things that I have noticed over the last two spring weekends, is just how good we can feel when we take some time out. If we are able to spend that time in our happy place, then all the better. What I have also reminded myself of however, is that our happy place might also be a new place that we have only just discovered, with new people to meet and new experiences to have.

So, what do I mean by this? Well take last weekend, as an example. It was finally warm enough for me to enter my swimming-pool for the first time this season. For myself and one particular friend, although we often enjoy it with other people, this pool has become a place that we go to to revive our spirits. Just by entering its salt water, we both feel the weight of busy or hard days sliding off our shoulders. Last weekend, just being able to sit outside in the sun and chat, then to take a swim, and to repeat the whole sequence several times over, gave us that feeling of relaxation. We both came away feeling ready to face life's challenges again, and it was a moment easily come by. It was just a quiet Saturday afternoon-evening at my house.

Today however, I had a different kind of revitalising experience that I want to share with you. This time I went with a group of friends to visit one friend's family's farm near Shepparton for the first time. We did all sorts of things, from enjoying delicious food in the sunny morning, to walking through the paddocks to the banks of the river which runs through their property, to getting up close and personal with cows and their calves, and enjoying the quality of silence that only these settings in the middle of more than 100 acres can deliver. It was more than these things however; it was going for my first ride on a quad bike, it was looking at some wooden bowls that a cousin had made with his own hands and skill, the taste of jelly-slice made by a pro. Mimportantly though, it was also the quality of the people I met there. My friend's siblings are all incredible people in their own right for example, but her Mother, at almost 95, is quite something else. Happily she fills her day by still crocheting things like throw-rugs for any of us who need them, but while her input in a large group is often that of an observer and listener rather than a talker, when she speaks, her conversation is so interesting. I came away from my day feeling relaxed, and happy, delighted to have been included in a gathering of such a family, with spirits renewed.

Having just experienced both of these examples on consecutive weekends, I head into another week urging you to look for ways of getting to your happy place. Most of us have more than one, and also have different activities which relax us, or make us feel more content in ourselves. While I recommend taking a day out as I recently did for both of these examples if you can, I also appreciate that we don't always have that option open to us. It might be that we can only find an hour to spare if we are working full time for example, or are parenting small children. If we can make use of that odd hour here or there however and do something which resets and relaxes us, it can have a major impact on our moods, and our general feeling of resilience.

Have a great week everyone and remember to look for those opportunities where you can. Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe out there and as always, stay connected.

05/10/2025

A few weeks ago, you may recall, I talked a little about the shame that we can experience just by being a part of a family. Well one of the things that I have been reflecting on this week, is that shame, and the social anxiety that comes with it and with the fear that we won't fit in, can come upon us in all sorts of other situations too.

Recently for example, I was talking to a client, who is in fact one of the bravest women I know. She finds herself in a situation wherein she fears judgment, because she is choosing to be the "whistle blower" and to call behaviour that should not be happening. While she knows what she is doing to be right, she still fears that people will judge her for taking a stand.

For another of my clients, it is the use of recreational drugs which causes shame. What started up as something to suppress loneliness during COVID has become more of a problem since lockdown ended. This person now finds himself dependent in a way which he once could never have imagined, and experiencing the shame associated with the feeling of being out of control, and of people seeing him in this state, and judging him for it.

The examples of things which we find shaming to us are probably never-ending, and are certainly often unique to our situations. While we might all expect to feel some shame if we embarrassed ourselves when we couldn't hold our liquor at the staff Christmas party for example, sometimes things that shame our family, friends or colleagues can be almost shocking to us, because they are so different. Some people are governed by their appearance and fear that they will be seen as fat because they have put on a pound, and certainly couldn't think to leave the house without make-up on. Others feel shame associated with having to say "I'm not currently working. Some will fear judgment and so not express an opinion about the music they like to listen to, the tv shows they watch, or the books they choose to read. For others the thought of themselves being judged for their children's behaviours can also be really challenging.

My point is though, that what will have each of us feeling some shame and also inviting in it's cousin guilt, differs for everyone but can be equally crippling for us all. We are social beings, and we are human. At our hearts we crave human connection, and the feeling that we belong and are seen for whom we actually are. When we experience shame we fear that connection will never happen, and will often withdraw into ourselves, when we most need support. In reality though, while we may not understand the thing that causes another's shame, we can certainly empathise with it because we know how shame shows up for us. If it is something that plagues you from time to time, I suggest you take a look at the work of Brene Brown as a starter. She has some great TedTalks and other commentaries on the subject.

My main point however, is that it helps us to be aware of what exactly it is that we are feeling, and if possible, for us to know where it is coming from. If we know that we clam up in social situations because of a very nasty and shaming comment made by a colleague many years ago for example, we can remind ourselves that he is only one person expressing an opinion, that his opinion is not right (it's just his opinion), and that we are not the same people as we were many years ago. Equally important, as we work to update some of the information that our minds have filed away for us, is the opportunity to talk about some of these feelings with those around us. If we can talk to a friend, a family member, a colleague or a counsellor for example, we can share our story and listen to theirs, remind ourselves that we are not alone, and help ourselves to develop some of that belief in ourselves which says "ok, fine. You do things differently to me, but I'm okay with that, because I have my way of being and that works for me!"

Have a great week everyone! Remember that when we want to update thinking which once may have kept us safe but which is not relevant to us now, we need to change the internal messages that we are giving ourselves. Ask yourself — is this something which really needs to cause me shame, right here, right now? Take care of yourselves and of each other. Stay safe out there, and of course as always, stay connected.

28/09/2025

Well here we are at another Sunday night, and one of the things that I have been reflecting on today, is just how important is our ability to laugh at ourselves. So, let me give you an example of what I mean by this!

I have learned a lot of different things that I would once never have thought to know, over the last four years since my cancer diagnosis. One of those things is that we do actually have to try all different things that we would normally baulk at, on our way to finding what works for us, or makes things a tiny bit easier. Another is that yes, when on some of the lovely cancer treatments available to us, they'll create side-effects such as vomiting and diarrhoea that you can meet up with, five or six times per day every day, for months on end, and still live your life. On the more positive side however, another thing that I've learned is that the cancer diet certainly works. You want to look thinner? You've wanted it all your life? Don't worry, you soon will!

There does however, come a time when that little joke too is over, and you want to stop the trajectory down with your weight. So, then you try all sorts of things to put the weight back on. Well picture this! A few weeks ago, I was sitting at dinner with friends, when I realised that the grilled fish? It was just not going to work for me that night! I looked at one friend in consternation, and after we'd done the dash to the ladies' bathroom, she said to me,
"I need to get you a protein powder!" Well as good as her word of course, the next day she'd been to the market where her vegetarian husband goes, and bought me his best recommendation. And not being someone who loves things like protein powders? Having tried it once in water unsuccessfully, it's stared at me belligerently from the top of my microwave ever since. I could all but hear it talking to me, saying,
"You know you have to drink me. She went to all that trouble to get me for you!"

So, this morning, I decided it was time to try again. Not being one for breakfast drinks or even making milk-shakes, I'd asked a couple of people who make smoothies regularly for their tips. I now had lined up in front of me a banana, some milk, some avocado, some strawberries, and a good scoop of protein powder for the top. I blitzed it merrily in the food processor, and when I poured it into a glass, realised in growing dread, that it looked very thick if not lumpy. In fact it was perhaps not unlike a reproduction of the day's takings, similar to what some Brisbane Lions supporters would have been making this morning after a night of celebrating! It was DISGUSTING, and I could only manage half a glass.

Well as I've said; sometimes we try things and have to keep trying! Although I had no wish to admit it, what I found over the next hour was that while I'd have to change my recipe to make it drinkable, my tummy did not immediately rebel! There are hope for these smoothies yet! Anyone got a simple recipe or a trick they want to share? Please, put it in the comments.

My point here tonight however, is two-fold. The first is that it's always good to be able to laugh at ourselves. I find that looking for humour in these situations is such a positive. The second is that those acts of kindness, from good friends, can actually really help to spur us on. My friend Paola is a busy wife and Mother. She doesn't have lots of baby-siting support here in Australia, and she works full time. Still, she found time to get a powder to me, within the first 24 hours that she realised I needed it. I take great comfort from that, and believe that sometimes if we can look around and see those little efforts that people make on our behalf, they can comfort us when we are feeling disconnected, or misunderstood.
Have a great week everyone. Take care of yourselves and of each other. Stay safe out there, and as always, stay connected.

21/09/2025

So one of the things that you will know about me if you've been reading along for a while, is that I love books. I find they allow me to get inside someone else's mind and world. They often give me a totally different perspective to think from about particular situations, and will also sometimes give me confidence that I am deepening my understanding on a particular subject, because I am privileged enough to be reading someone's lived experience.

In fact, I've become so committed to this as a vehicle to educate people, that I have already published a memoir, and am currently in the process of writing both a three-part ebook series for people diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer, and a book for counsellors and other health professionals. While I don't for a moment think that I have anything amazing to say, I also know that this lived experience from the person themselves was something that I was looking for and didn't find, when I was first diagnosed. Further, it will probably not surprise you that over four and a half years with this cancer, I have picked up some pointers that I'd like to pass on to health professionals, on a subject that seems to have so little written about it.

These things are only in the pipeline however, and so what I'm also aware of is that my books are very much of the unpolished variety. I come from the thinking that if they help one person, then I'm happy. On the other side of this coin however, are books which have been years in the making, written by people far more talented with words and pen than I ever shall be, and with the ability to capture an audience.

Recently for example, I was blown away by a book called Horse Boy: A Father's Quest to Heal his Son. It was written by Rupert Isaacson some twenty years ago, whose young toddler is diagnosed with severe autism. As a part of this story, he and his wife Kristin travel from America to Mongolia with their five-year-old son Rohan, who cannot be left with anyone other than either parent, has a grueling sleep-routine each night and is not yet toilet-trained. In Mongolia they seek Shamanic healing and do all sorts of things along the way. It was so captivating as a story that the book was later turned into a movie.

My point however, was that it really did convey the good, the bad the ugly, that this little family faced on a daily basis because of the autism. Coping with a five-year-old who found toileting challenging at the best of times was certainly going to present it's issues in the desert. There was so much more than this however; there was the need to cater for particular food textures while there, to manage his ability to cope on particular modes of transport to get to the end goal, and it was also celebrating the sweetest of victories and the changes that they were witnessing in Rohan. It left me with questions, but it certainly gave me that deeper understanding, from an insider's perspective.

So, I wonder if you have read books recently, that have helped to change your perspective, or given you different ideas. If you have a book to suggest, please don't hesitate to share it with us in the comments. It might even be a movie. Have a great week everyone! Remember to take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe, and as always, stay connected.

Louise Pearson Counselling

16/11/2025

09/11/2025

26/10/2025

19/10/2025

12/10/2025

05/10/2025

28/09/2025

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