19/04/2026
Are you a helper? Do you tend to jump in quickly to support another person?
While this caring nature can be a wonderful part of us, it is also helpful to consider: 'Is my helping always about the other person… or sometimes about me?'
If you resonate with self-sacrifice or a people-pleasing mode, you might:
– Jump in quickly to fix
– Offer advice before it’s asked for
– Feel uncomfortable sitting with someone’s distress
Helping can feel generous and selfless, but sometimes it’s also driven by a need to:
• feel useful
• avoid our own discomfort of seeing someone else's pain
• maintain connection or approval
• reduce our own anxiety about an 'un-fixed' problem
And when that’s happening, it can quietly take something away from the other person: their autonomy, their voice, their own process of dealing with problems.
A small shift we can make is instead of: “Have you tried ___?”
We can try: “Would you like my thoughts or advice?”
It’s simple, but powerful. It brings consent and respect back into the interaction.
A gentle guide to more considered 'helping':
– Pause before responding
– Notice your urge to step in (what’s driving it?)
– Check if help is wanted
– Make space to hear “no” from the person
– Stay present even when you can’t fix
