06/10/2025
Research shows that when children ask to be carried, even though their legs can walk, it’s not laziness. It’s longing.
They’re not incapable.
They’re reaching for closeness.
Because here’s the truth:
A child can run around the playground for hours.
They can climb stairs, chase friends, and jump without hesitation. But suddenly, with Mum or Dad nearby, they raise their arms and plead, “Carry me.” And in that moment, it’s not their legs that are tired. It’s their heart that needs holding.
Why?
Because physical closeness is emotional fuel.
🧠 Attachment research shows that touch, holding, and closeness regulate a child’s nervous system, lowering cortisol and strengthening their sense of security (Feldman, 2010). Being carried tells them, 'You are safe.' You belong. You don’t have to do life all alone.
Why does this matter?
Because when we don’t understand it, we believe the lie: They’re spoiled. They’re manipulating. They should be independent by now.
But science is whispering: Independence grows out of secure dependence first.
Here’s what supporting that can look like:
→ Offering to carry them when you can, without shaming.
→ Meeting their need for connection through cuddles, hugs, and presence.
→ Remembering that “carry me” today becomes the inner voice of “I can carry myself” tomorrow.
The truth is, children don’t ask to be carried forever. But they will never forget how it felt to be held.
So maybe the question isn’t,
“Why can’t they just walk?”
Maybe it’s,
“What if their raised arms are really saying, ‘Hold me close so I can keep going?’”
Because the world doesn’t just need kids who walk strongly, it requires kids who know the strength of love that carried them first. 🤍
Thank you Natasha Ann for these beautiful words.
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