18/09/2025
Couple and family therapy is one of the most complex forms of psychotherapy. Unlike individual therapy, which often focuses on intrapsychic work (looking inward), couple therapy involves both intrapsychic and interpsychic dynamics between partners.
As in individual work, many factors shape our experiences - childhood history, developmental challenges, cultural influences, previous relationships, external stressors, and even physical health. In couples therapy, these factors are effectively multiplied by two, creating an ever-shifting, dynamic process.
During the intake session, most couples show a strong commitment to the therapeutic process. However, as therapy progresses, unconscious defence mechanisms may emerge. For example, a partner who initially sought therapy to “fix” their spouse may realise that they, too, play a significant role in the relationship difficulties. Accepting responsibility and engaging in self-reflection can feel daunting. At times, one partner may resist continuing therapy because change feels too threatening. In other cases, couples may, at an unconscious level, find a certain familiarity - even comfort - in dysfunctional patterns, making it challenging to break free from these cycles.
Relationship therapists, like all therapists, require continuous professional development to meet these complexities. When working with couples, I draw on a range of approaches. While my foundation is often Bowen’s systemic theory, Gottman’s research, and Emotion-Focused Therapy, I also incorporate insights from Freud, Jung, Adler, Rogers, IFS, and many others. Every couple is unique, and therapy must adapt to their particular dynamics.
