Healing Ground

20/02/2024

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03/02/2024

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20/10/2023

BCEFT Insights ✨ 👩🏼‍💻 🗣

27/09/2023

25/09/2023

You and your partner may process social-emotional material at different speeds. Being a fast or slow processor has nothing to do with your intelligence, but it may be affecting your relationship.

“Hares” or fast-processors have an unfair advantage in arguments against slower processing “tortoises.”

They can win every argument in a relationship with a tortoise, simply because they can run circles around their partner. That may feel great in the moment, but it’s bad for both partners long-term. Unfairness will breed resentment and damage the security of their relationship.

So how can you fix this? Slow down.

A hare can slow down. A tortoise cannot speed up.

If you’re the hare in your relationship, keep this in mind. Be sensitive to your partner’s position and give them the space they need to express their thoughts.

21/09/2023

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BCEFT Insights ✨ 👩🏼‍💻 🗣 Attachment Style Series

12/07/2023

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04/07/2023

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26/06/2023

An authentic apology is a critical part of repairing the hurt you have caused your partner. However, simply saying, “I’m sorry,” doesn’t mean you’ve properly apologized.

To offer an apology that will reassure your partner, make sure you’re doing the following:

Rapidly address the issue: The sooner you repair this, the less likely it will form a long-term memory and cause future problems.

Be fully present: Remove all distractions. Maintain eye contact with your partner so you can see how they are receiving your words. If you notice something is wrong, stop everything and tend to their pain.

Actively listen: Give your partner the space to share their feelings. Repeat what you think they are saying. Ensure that you fully understand them.

Be specific: Instead of a generic "I'm sorry," apologize for the exact action or behavior that caused your partner pain.

Own your mistake: Take full responsibility. Avoid shifting back to your partner by saying things like, "I'm sorry you felt that way."

Don’t explain your intentions: Your reasons behind the action aren't as important as the impact it had on your partner. Apologize for your behavior, don’t justify it.

Keep these steps in mind the next time you have to apologize. The better you become at sincerely apologizing, the safer you both will feel in your relationship.