https://linktr.ee/LaraPatterson

Lara Patterson, Nollamara (2025)

01/11/2021

There is no perfection in parenting 🤯

Do you often feel the pressure to be the perfect parent? Will all the information available to us about parenting strategies, it can often feel overwhelming and unattainable. But chasing perfection in parenting is simply impossible.

We are human, which means we are learning, we are all at different stages of our own journey, we all have different childhood experiences, different needs, different temperaments and different home environments.

Freeing ourselves from the need to be perfect or live up to an image in our mind of the perfect parent, can serve us in being more present, more authentic and allow deeper connections with ourselves and our children.

It's also incredible important for our children to see us express emotion, make mistakes, forgive ourselves and be fully US for them to learn radical self-acceptance.

Some parenting affirmations that might help are:

🌿I am doing the best I can
🌿I am the best parent for my child
🌿I am learning and growing and that is okay
🌿I am allowed to have hard days
🌿I focus on being authentic and connecting rather than being perfect
🌿It's okay not to enjoy every moment of parenting.

30/10/2021

Unconditional love ❤️

I reflect on this often in my own parenting journey, that my child's unconditional love for me as her mother is a great privilege.

One that I don't want to take for granted or take advantage of (sometimes unconsciously).

It's a grounding reminder for when we do lose our temper, mess up, miss an event, have a bad day, aren't as present as we like - that there is ALWAYS room to repair and reconnect.

Practicing unconditional love towards our children in return can look like:
- accepting everything that they are rather than what we want them to be
- avoiding labelling their behaviour or emotions as good or bad
- being in tune to parts of their behaviour which might be more challenging or evoke strong emotions in us
- being cautious of how we reward or punish different emotions or behaviours with our reactions.

This is not always easy! We will be met with challenges, mostly from our own subconscious beliefs or past experiences.

But becoming aware of this, naming and acknowledging the difficult parts, having compassion for ourselves and where we are on our journey and still doing the work to be conscious and repair despite this, is so important.

Let me know if this resonates with you ✨❤️

10/10/2021

Intuition ✨

It is common for new mothers to recieve advice to 'trust their instincts', 'tune into their intuition', 'follow their gut' or 'get in touch with their inner knowing'.

While I personally believe in the importance of developing your spirituality (whatever that means for you), this advice can be intimidating for new mothers especially who might not feel they know how to do this.

In the Consciously Preparing For Motherhood program, we will combine knowledge/research/education with learning how to tune into your intuition, trust yourself and have confidence in your decisions.

There are many ways you can practice this before the transition to motherhood (or at any other stage in your life) such as:

✨Integrating regular meditation practice to quiet the mind
✨Learning how to ground yourself to the present moment
✨Identifying how you feel (rather than think) about a certain topic/strategy
✨Reflecting on a time you didn't feel good about a choice or decision and what you wish you did instead
✨Recognising the barriers to trusting yourself
✨Connecting with your values
✨Increasing your self worth through daily affirmations and subconscious mind work

Let me know what you think of these tips and what has helped you to learn how to tune into your intuition 🧘‍♀️

08/10/2021

The loss of the village 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦👵👴👨‍👦👩‍👧‍👧

The development of our modern western culture has led many people to feel socially isolated, especially when it comes to raising a family.

We have never been more spread out across the globe, in the work force for as long or living as separately in our 'nuclear families'.

There is a reason it feels hard - we were never meant to do this alone.

Our ancestors (and other cultures in present times) had a whole community surrounding the mother-baby dyad. People to ask advice, to hold the baby, to cook and clean, to help out so the mother could get rest, to be there. To help raise our children. They weren't meant to be raised by just one or two parents, and the burden of this responsibility often manifests as stress, overwhelm or low mood.

Go gently on yourself, be conscious of why you might be feeling this way and try to seek support where you can. Asking for help can also be especially hard for cultural reasons but it is vital - we need our community 💚

This is one of the reasons I've created the Consciously Preparing for Motherhood program in a live group format - to promote early connection for mothers-to-be, which is such an important part of feeling well and supported in your journey into motherhood 👭

The link for the waitlist is in my bio and it will be open for sign up this Monday 11th October 🥳

18/12/2020

Sleep 😴

It's very easy to become fixated on your child's sleep and for good reason - it's exhausting!

Why won't they sleep in the cot?
Why do they keep waking over night?
Why won't they nap?
Why do they still feed to sleep?
Why do they wake so early?
Why do they wake ready to party in the middle of the night? 💃🕺

The truth is, in most cases this is biologically normal behaviour. Sleep does not develop in a linear fashion for most babies and multiple wake ups are now known to protect against SIDS. James McKenna, sleep and breastfeeding researcher, has released findings in support of this. He suggests that sleep expectations are actually values and culture based.

Our modern western culture has unfortunately evolved to mean there is less support for parents from the village that used to surround them. As a consequence, expectations of baby sleep have changed to suit our new lifestyle. However, this often doesn't match the reality of what our babies need from us, which can result in constantly wondering whether something is wrong and trying to teach them to fit this mould.

As Sarah Ockwell-Smith discusses in the below articles, babies will never "sleep through the night", just as adults don't. We all experience sleep in cycles which means we wake and go back to sleep multiple times a night. Babies have much shorter sleep cycles than adults and often cannot get themselves back to sleep without the comfort of a caregiver.

Having an understanding of normal baby sleep, trying to follow your baby's individual sleep needs, and most importantly, being kind to yourself and asking for help may alleviate a lot of stress.

If you are a parent struggling with meeting the demands of your child's sleep, know you are not alone and there is support out there. We can all help by becoming informed, setting realistic expectations for parents and being there to lend a hand 💖

06/12/2020

Connection 🤗

Finding a way to connect to yourself and others by remembering we all share common ground in our humanity can be powerful.

We can often become stuck in frustration or despair when it appears that others don't think the way we do or when we feel alone in our suffering.

But if we consider that everyone experiences their own suffering just as we all share similar desires to be loved, to love, to feel joy, to feel worthy and to live a life without regret, we can connect with even those we least expect.

According to Kristen Neff, realising our common humanity is also one of the elements of self-compassion. She says "self-compassion involves recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience – something that we all go through rather than being something that happens to “me” alone."

This can help us to be kind to ourselves when we are experiencing painful or uncomfortable emotions or thoughts.

Parents can utilise this practice as an antidote to isolation, which is a common experience. If we consider all parents feel the same love, fear, worry, doubt, guilt, joy and uncomfortable growing pains, it can help us to connect with others for support.

Now more than ever it is important to reach out and find our village 👭👬👫

03/12/2020

Grounding exercise 🌳

Take a quiet moment to pause and tune in to your senses and your surroundings.

👀 Look around and pick five things you can see that you didn't notice before, or havent noticed in a while. Take in the colours.

👂Close your eyes and pick out four things you can hear, near or far. Are there any you didn't realise were there?

🧤Feel around for three things. Maybe the ground, your chair, your clothing or pick something up nearby. Focus on the different textures.

👃See if you can smell two things nearby. If not, imagine what you would smell if you walked outside or into your kitchen.

👄Name something you can taste. Or a food you wish you could taste. Remember to really concentrate on that taste next time you get to experience it.

Taking just a few moments out to ground and reset during a busy day at work, at home with kids, in the car or lying down before bed can help you to practice being more present, calm your mind and focus on tasks at hand.

Once you've had a try, let me know how it felt in the comments 👇

27/11/2020

Behaviour challenges 🤯

When we move away from viewing a child's behaviour (and all human behaviour for that matter) as controlling, manipulative, deliberately harmful or simply "bad", we can move toward the understanding that all challenging behaviour is most often the communication of an unmet need.

With this in mind, the next time your child or student "misbehaves", try to consider what it is they might be communicating.

Are they bored?

Are they hungry?

Are they tired?

Are they self-conscious?

Are they feeling sad, confused, frustrated or scared?

Are they seeking connection with you, the adult, or a friend/peer?

Sometimes it's not possible to meet their needs immediately or even at all. And that's okay. But being aware, and validating their need can certainly help them on their way to understanding their needs themselves, how to communicate them more effectively and how to regulate their associated emotions.

It can also help you as the adult to understand why they are acting the way they are, so you are able to pause and respond purposefully instead of reactively.

This is often easier said than done and can take a lot of practice, particularly if we ourselves find it difficult to name and have our own needs met, express and regulate our own emotions or validate our own experiences (often due to not receiving this as a child or in our adult relationships).

If we are taking the time to reflect inward we can start to become aware of our own triggers and why we respond to challenging behaviour the way that we do.

25/11/2020

The Fourth Trimester 🤱

Human infants are born more immature than many other species, meaning for the first three months of their lives, or "fourth trimester", they have an inate need to be close to their mother.

They don't yet realise they are separate beings from their mother who they lived inside for the previous nine months (give or take). This means they will usually want to feed often, may cry when put down, be difficult to settle to sleep on their own and are calmed during skin to skin contact.

Given this, we should be encouraging mothers (and fathers/caregivers) to surrender to the cuddles, the safe* bed sharing, the never ending breastfeeding, the baby wearing, the holding, the rocking and the closeness.

Expecting this and surrendering to it makes it so much easier for parents to mentally prepare and avoid doubting themselves and their baby's normal biological needs. It is also a great way to connect and bond with your baby ❤.

As a first time parent, were you prepared for the fourth trimester? Would it have helped if you were?

*See The La Leche League Safe Sleep 7 for bedsharing guidelines

23/11/2020

Self-compassion🙏

Self-compassion is the practice of showing yourself the same kindess you would show others, especially when going through a difficult time.

Our internal critic can be very harsh, especially when we make a mistake, feel down, don't perform the way we want, say something we didn't mean and so on. This often leaves us feeling worse and can cause a spiral of unhelpful, hurtful thoughts.

A deliberate way to practice self-compassion can be by sitting down in a quiet space, closing your eyes and imagining yourself as a small child who is upset. Now imagine your adult self comforting your child self and telling them it is okay to feel the way they do. This is often a good way to start thinking of yourself as someone who deserves your own compassion.

I'll be sharing more examples, tips and quotes to help guide your self-compassion practice 💫

23/11/2020

Parenting 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

Parenting with attachment theory in mind helps to strengthen your relationship with your children, feeling more connected and ensuring their emotional needs are being met.

According to John Bowlby, attachment theory suggests that creating secure attachments in childhood ensures healthy loving relationships as we grow into adulthood. This is because we tend to seek out a partner who confirms the familiar way our parents or caregivers related to us.

As parents, it may be helpful to reflect on your own childhood experiences in order to heal certain wounds or unhealthy patterns you have unconsciously developed and may pass on to your children.

Working through this with a psychologist may help you on the journey to re-parenting yourself and in turn be the best parent you can be 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦👩‍👧‍👧👪👨‍👦

23/11/2020

Welcome!
Thank you for being here 🙏

I'm Lara 👋 a registered psychologist with a special interest in perinatal mental health, parenting and self-compassion practice.

I'll be sharing quotes, ideas and articles that I hope you'll find interesting and helpful.

I'm currently accepting new referrals for in person appointments at my Nollamara office or via tele-health (video/phone).

I look forward to connecting with you all 🌻

Lara Patterson

01/11/2021

30/10/2021

10/10/2021

08/10/2021

18/12/2020

06/12/2020

03/12/2020

27/11/2020

25/11/2020

23/11/2020

23/11/2020

23/11/2020

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