https://www.facebook.com/713175652368876/

The Plumber, His Missus, & Her Brain Tumours, North Haven (2025)

13/12/2025

CELEBRATING THE CARER

Last Sunday I made a rookie error. Flicked up on my back wheels without checking if my anti tips were down. I cannot even describe the sickening feeling as my head & elbow hit the floor when I back flipped out of the wheelchair.

But worse was the look of distress on the faces of my husband, daughter & support worker as I sobbed. Terrible for them to have to see that. Being a carer is freaking hard. And traumatic. And tiring. And gut wrenching. And sad. And sometimes that gets overlooked in our grief for the disabled and/or chronically ill person.

(I'm ok. Still bruised, but the ambulance arrived super quick & the ambos were great.)

So tonight is all about John. We are at the Lady Gaga concert. One of his favourite singers, and I was lucky enough to get tickets so this is his Christmas gift. It is also his first ever major concert. Super grateful we get to do this together.

To the carers, we see you. We value you.

Photo description
Rach & John sitting at Accor Stadium smiling.

06/12/2025

I DON'T WANT TO BE HEDVIGA GOLIK

I've had a couple of comments lately that maybe I'm doing too much. As well as chair yoga, physiotherapy, hydrotherapy, strength training, my admin job, and writing for the paper; I've also joined the executive committee at the Chamber of Commerce & been nominated for the board of directors at the Rotary Club of Laurieton.

Here's the thing, I don't want to be Hedviga Golik. She was a Croatian nurse born in 1924, who died of natural causes in her apartment in Zagreb in 1966. But her body was not found until 2008. Nobody reported her missing. Nobody noticed she wasn't there.

When I go I want to leave an enormous hole. Does that make sense?

I've spent the last week doing intensive Pilates with Steph from Zebrafish Neuro. Thanks to her & the ever amazing Bec from Diverging Pathways I can now get from my wheelchair to the floor & back again without help. At this rate I will be joining Fletcher Crowley at the Paralympics.

Photo description

Photo 1
Pin (a gift from Tracey Miller) that says: Crap. Turns out this is my circus and those are my monkeys.

Photo 2
Selfie of Rach sitting in a kayak with sunnies & a Bunnings hat smiling at the camera. Behind her is Lachie one of the Recreation staff from Sargood On Collaroy who is also wearing a Bunnings hat & making a silly face.

03/12/2025

INTERNATIONAL DAY OF PEOPLE WITH DISABILITY (PWD)

I low key don't like the name of the day. The language feels very clunky. I'd far rather you just referred to me as disabled. It's not a dirty word.

It's also a day that makes me feel a bit conflicted. The surgery that left me as a wheelchair user saved my life. But it also means I don't get to go to Europe (top of my bucket list.) I'm probably also never getting picked up on Tinder (luckily I'm happily married.)

For those of you that aren't disabled but would like to be an ally:
*call out ableism when you see it
*encourage your workplace/local business to improve accessibility
*listen to disabled voices & don't speak over our lived experience
*don't infantilise us

Photo description
1. International PWD logo of an active figure with the words 3 December International Day of People with Disability
2. A selfie of me sitting in an X8 taken on the beach at Sargood aka my happy place.

30/11/2025

IT'S NOT JUST A PIECE OF PAPER

When the subject of weddings come up, the comment, 'it's just a piece of paper' is invariably made. Respectfully I disagree.

Weddings are a public declaration, an expression of hope. A joining together of families and friends. They're a sign of optimism in a world that often seems unstable & uncertain.

Our daughter Piper-Jade got married 2 weeks ago. As is always the case with events like these it was a whirlwind of a day and I'm still kinda tired!

But one thing really stuck with me.

Society often encourages men to be tough, to not show emotion. But I saw so much that day.

PJ's godfather Kerry looking so delighted as he drove her to the wedding. Her grandfather Tony standing proud & tall next to her. The plumber's look of love as he walked her down the aisle. Her brother Kellen strength as he stood next to her as bridesman. And last but not least, the tears from her husband Jay Benson when he first saw her.

I'm eternally grateful to still be here and form part of these memories.

Photo credits Leesa Baxter & Michael Southam

Photo descriptions left to right

1. PJ in her wedding dress with a veil (which I wore at my first wedding),holding a bouquet walking outside. John is in a suit holding her arm & looking at her.

2. Tenika (Kellen's girlfriend) in a yellow dress, Jay in a white shirt, black pants & burgundy bow tie, PJ in her wedding dress, Kellen in a white shirt, black pants & a burgundy tie. There are trees behind them & they're smiling.

3. PJ in her wedding dress, with Tony standing next to her in a suit & burgundy tie.

4. Kerry in a blue shirt, black pants & a burgundy tie, PJ in her wedding dress, Jay in a white shirt, black pants & burgundy bow tie, Leesa (Kerry's wife) in a long blue dress.

28/11/2025

VALE SYLVIA EUGENIA SEARS DANNER 21/12/1938-13/11/2025

Sylvia was born in Tampa Florida. Wife of Bob, mum of Rob & Jeff. Beauty queen, businesswoman, philanthropist. An absolute Southern Lady to the core. [If you know, you know.]

And in 1989 she became my Oklahoma, Rotary Exchange host mother, my mom.

I realised recently that Mom was about the age I am now when we first met. I am not sure what she made of a moody, hormonal, depressed 17 year old from New Zealand. But she called me sweet girl, and she showered me in love.

She was a constant in my life for almost 37 years, Visits, phone calls, gifts, letters-and always an interest in what I was doing. Stylish, graceful, thoughtful, kind and generous of spirit.

As an atheist I don't have any strong beliefs in an afterlife, but I do believe that the essence of mom will live on in the hearts of her family and the plethora of people whose lives she touched.

My eternal gratitude to Rob & Jeff who allowed me to share a piece of their mom.

Photo description
Sylvia with curly sliver hair and sunglasses smiling, and Rach with sunglasses smiling.

31/10/2025

CAN YOU SAVE A STARFISH?

Parable
An old man was doing his daily walk along the beach one morning, when he spotted a young boy crouched by the water, scooping something up from the sand and throwing it into the sea.

The beach was normally empty at this time of day, and so the old man stopped to watch for a while.

He noticed that the boy kept on shuffling a little further down the beach, then repeating this same action again and again – stopping, scooping, throwing, moving.

“What are you doing there, boy?” the old man asked, walking closer.

“I’m saving these starfish that are stranded” replied the boy, “if they stay on the beach they will dry out and die, so I’m putting them back into the ocean so they can live.”

The old man was silent for a few seconds.

“Young man,” he said, “on this stretch of the beach alone, there must be more than one hundred stranded starfish. Around the next corner, there must be at least one thousand more. This goes on for miles and miles and miles – I’ve done this walk every day for 10 years, and it’s always the same. There must be millions of stranded starfish! I hate to say it, but you’ll never make a difference.”

The boy replied “well I just made a difference for that one”, and continued with his work.

***********************************************************************

You don't need to do grand things to make a difference. Every small thing has a ripple effect. Find your tribe, do what you love, save a starfish.

Service above self.

Photo credit: Rotary Club of Laurieton
Photo description: Rach in a floral dress and green sparkly shoes sitting in her wheelchair, John is beside her in a blue shirt and jeans. They are looking at Graham, Rotary Club of Laurieton President as he inducts them into Rotary.

25/10/2025

WHEN LIFE GOES FULL CIRCLE

In 1988 I decided I wanted to be an overseas exchange student. With the support of my long suffering dad who was probably keen for a year off, I successfully applied to be a Rotary Exchange student.

I asked to be sent to Norway. I'm not saying the Rotary coordinator was dyslexic, BUT I ended up in Norman, Oklahoma instead.

As a mostly vegetarian atheist, from a big city in a small country, spending 12 months in a small town, in a meat loving bible belt state of a huge country, was life changing.

Part of my obligation to Rotary was giving speeches, the benefit of that is that I don't fear public speaking, something which has come in very useful.

36 years later The Plumber & I have become members of the Rotary Club of Laurieton. The members have been incredibly welcoming & generous. In particular Noel Hiffernan OAM who has gifted me a Firefly attachment for my wheelchair. Effectively this motorises my manual chair, awesome when going over long distances, and an item which was not in our budget. And since it's red, it will definitely go faster!

Photo credit: Leesa Baxter
Photo description: Rach in a multi coloured top sitting in her wheelchair in a park. The wheelchair as a motorised attachment on the front.

21/10/2025

When the Federal Minister of Disability has an office that is not accessible, what hope is there?

Some days I want to just curl up in a ball & cry.

Please watch & share.

Australia 2025-not good enough.

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1AiPnoJCch/

17/10/2025

MAMMA MIA HERE WE GO AGAIN

One of the challenges of our life together is navigating support workers. I have a fair selection over the last 4 years. A couple of truly awful ones, some average ones and some outstanding ones.

Having people so intimately involved in your life takes some adjustment. There's days where you just don't want outsiders seeing you at your worst. And it can impinge on privacy.

Buy, if you're lucky enough to get a great one, well it just works. Leaving Tracey my amazing support worker in Canberra was hard. I still really miss her. Happily I've found her sister from another mister in Nichole.

This week we had an excursion to see Mamma Mia, we both laughed so hard it hurt.

I also had the privilege of interviewing Michelle Hedger for Carer's Week. She and her husband are full time carers of their daughter Demi. She is a budding photographer, so take a minute and head over to her page and give it a like.

Life through the lens with Demi
https://www.facebook.com/share/1H3okeNPm8/

Rach x

Photo description
Rach & Nichole in a selfie. They are both smiling.

12/10/2025

SOMETIMES CLOUDS HAVE SILVER LININGS

As I like to tell people, brain tumours=zero stars, do not recommend. But if there has been a positive it is the awesome people I have been able to connect with on the journey. Because I am a firm believer that you learn something from everyone.

Yesterday I met with Jo. A very tough chick with a kick arse attitude, 3 kids and a missing b**b. She looked cancer dead in the eye and told it to fk off. While she waits for a much needed reconstruction she wants to remind everyone, check your b**bies, or your partner's b**bies, and schedule that mammogram. I look forward to more time with her.

One of the things about living by the beach is you get way more visitors than you do in Canberra! Last week Thorpe cousins Hilary & Robyn came to visit. Hilary is better known as: the-wife-of-the-amazing-gilbert-who-built-me-an-awesome-ramp-with-gold-stars-on-it. It took 2 days of travel from the cold depths of Victoria for them to get here. As always we're ever grateful for those who put in so much effort to come & hang with us.

Rach x

P.S. 74 days until Christmas.

Photo description

1. Jo crouching down next to Rach who is in her wheelchair. They are both wearing sunnies & smiling. The water is behind them.

2. Hilary, John, Rach & Robyn all smiling at the camera in a selfie.

28/09/2025

SEVEN YEARS MARRIED-NO ITCHES HERE

In a week that has been heavy with grief, it has concluded with some joy.

The NDIS has finally agreed that I need an accessible bathroom. This has been a marathon journey that would not have happened without my awesome OT. I had five articles published in News Of The Area, and two were front page!

Today we celebrated 7 years of marriage. I feel like there were people that thought we wouldn't get here. The age gap [16 years], the large amount of children between us [seven of them aged 23-51], 2nd marriage for me and third marriage for John; not to mention my diagnosis and subsequent disabilities.. But it works. I can honestly say he is my ride or die, and I don't see that changing. Simply put, we're attuned.

We have celebrated by crossing two more items off the bucket list. Whale watching with the fabulous crew of Whalesong Cruises Hervey Bay. Not ashamed to say I cried when the first one breached. And last but not least the Mary Poppins Festival, something I have wanted to go to ever since I heard about it.

Love wins.

Photo description

John in a blue shirt, Rach in a navy dress. They have their arms around each other and are looking at each other with their faces touching. Behind them are some trees, it is their wedding day.

Link to our 4 minute wedding video in the comments. Video was done by the amazing Nick Haggerty, and I never get tired if watching it.

25/09/2025

GRIEF IS THE PRICE WE PAY FOR LOVE

This is the week where a piece of me broke. My cousin Julia died very unexpectedly in London. We never met, but nevertheless shared a special connection. I don't have the words to describe the absolute tragedy of her life. May she rest in love.

Then on Tuesday I had the privilege of interviewing an amazing woman-Emma. In 2010 Emma met Blake. They fell in love, got married & had a beautiful daughter named Sophie. Four years ago their life went in different directions, but they remained close. In July of 2024 Blake was diagnosed with a rare, aggressive cancer.

He endured absolutely brutal treatments, and gave it everything. During this he & Emma found their way back to each other, she told me that his courage has been an absolute gift. Blake is 40 next month, his prognosis means he is unlikely to be here to celebrate it.

As I spoke to Emma I could clearly hear her strength and the immense love she has for Blake.

So if you can be anyone this week, be Emma and Blake. Model courage and express love.

Pic description

A screenshot which reads: My Grandma told me,
"Marry someone you can suffer with."
I used to think that was sad.
Now I understand.
Love isn't who takes you to dinner.
It's who holds you when you're drowning.
And builds you a boat.

The Plumber, His Missus, & Her Brain Tumours