Soma & Sage, Paddington (2026)

18/02/2026

Limerence is an involuntary state of obsessive romantic preoccupation, and it operates like an addiction.

When you’re limerent, your body becomes a surveillance system. You can’t stop checking their social media. You replay every conversation for hidden meanings. Your mind loops endlessly: Are they thinking about me? What did that text mean? You swing between euphoria when they give you attention and despair when they don’t.

This is what’s happening in your brain: dopamine floods your system when you interact with them or even just think about them. Your brain experiences pleasure, and because dopamine is part of your reward system, you continue seeking that high. It’s the ultimate positive reinforcement. Meanwhile, serotonin levels drop, mirroring what happens in OCD. The obsessive patterns then intensify over time.

You’re more vulnerable to limerence if you have insecure attachment patterns, low self-esteem, or ADHD traits (which create a tendency to hyperfocus). But anyone can experience it.

Physical symptoms mirror hypervigilance: racing heart, chest tightness, nausea. Your body exists in fight-flight-freeze state activated by the unbearable possibility of not being chosen.

This can last weeks or years. Research suggests 18 months to 3 years is typical, although some experience it for decades.

Realising you’re in limerence (in love with the idea of a person), can feel collapsing. But in leaving that attachment behind, you create space. Space to connect. Space to connect with someone new.

The work is in strengthening your relationship with yourself first. Because the sooner you do that, the sooner you’ll be able to build something meaningful with someone else.

It takes time. It takes growth. It takes understanding of yourself.

13/02/2026

I wrote this because I sit with so many people who have learned to survive by becoming smaller.

People who did not consciously choose to disappear, but adapted in order to maintain attachment. Who internalised the belief that their needs were excessive, their emotions inconvenient, their longing a burden.

Over time, these adaptations become identity. They stop feeling like strategies and start feeling like truth.

I am writing this to name that pattern.

To articulate the quiet grief of living below your capacity for connection. To validate the ache that persists even in competent, high-functioning adults. To challenge the assumption that longing reflects deficiency rather than relational intelligence.

I am writing this because shrinking is often misinterpreted as maturity, and self-abandonment as strength.

And because, clinically and personally, I continue to witness that reclamation does not begin with dramatic change. It begins with recognising that the part of you that still wants more was never the problem.

This piece is an attempt to give language to that recognition.

05/02/2026

Anxious attachment and love dependence are closely linked.

Both emerge when emotional safety becomes organised around closeness to another person.

When connection is present, your body settles.
When it becomes uncertain, your system mobilises.

A pause.
A delayed reply.
A shift in tone that others may dismiss.

Your body responds before your thoughts can catch up. A tightening in the chest. A sinking sensation. A familiar urgency to understand, repair, or restore connection. Your attention narrows. Your thoughts accelerate. You begin scanning for meaning.

You feel deeply and continuously. Fear, longing, relief, love, anxiety. Connection is not abstract or optional for you; it is embodied. Closeness brings regulation. Distance brings dysregulation.

Your nervous system is finely tuned to relational nuance. You notice what is unspoken. You register emotional shifts before they are named. Uncertainty is difficult to tolerate because uncertainty once carried consequence.

Reassurance settles you quickly because connection signals safety. Silence or distance activates fear because unpredictability was once your emotional baseline. Your system remembers what it felt like to be left without comfort.

This pattern did not begin in your adult relationships. It formed early, in environments where care was inconsistent, emotional availability fluctuated, or closeness could not be relied upon. Staying attuned, staying emotionally engaged, and staying close were adaptive responses.

Over time, love becomes something your body leans on to manage distress. The relationship carries not only intimacy, but regulation.

What partners may interpret as neediness is often the inner world of someone whose attachment system learned that safety required vigilance.

Healing does not ask you to love less, feel less, or attach less. It asks your nervous system to learn that safety can exist within you, and that connection can remain intact without constant reassurance.

30/01/2026

What happens to rage that was never allowed to speak?

It doesn’t disappear. It becomes fatigue no rest can touch. Anxiety disguised as overthinking. Emotional numbness. The quiet belief that your feelings are wrong, that you are too much.

So many women carry this quiet, internal rage. Not the explosive kind the world warns us about, but the kind that simmers beneath composure. The kind that learned to fold itself neatly beneath politeness, achievement, silence.

This rage is not violent. It is the residue of unmet needs, the ache of swallowed truths, the exhaustion of holding everything together while pretending not to feel.

24/01/2026

There are many reasons a body might stay silent about what it needs in intimacy.

Sometimes it’s the conditioning that taught you real love means never having to ask.
Sometimes it’s the nervous system that learned speaking your truth felt too dangerous.
Sometimes it’s the relationship that hasn’t yet proven it can hold your honesty.
And sometimes, it’s all of these at once, woven into the survival architecture your body built to keep functioning.

This isn’t about reducing your silence to one cause.

Your difficulty speaking might be protection AND pattern. Your performance might be trauma response AND the cost of a culture that demands silence over truth-telling. Your throat closing when you try to say what you need might be nervous system wisdom AND the weight of years spent compressing your desires into something smaller, safer, less likely to be rejected.

What I’m interested in is the part we don’t talk about enough.

The way we expect bodies to speak their pleasure without acknowledging the terror that comes with being truly seen. The way we call it “poor communication” when it’s often a body that’s carrying the accurate memory that vulnerability once meant danger. The way we pathologise the hesitation instead of honouring what it took to survive by staying quiet.

S*xual honesty and radical communication aren’t about forcing yourself open before safety exists.

They’re about recognising that your desires deserve language. That your boundaries deserve voice. That your body has been carrying everything alone in silence and that speaking, terrifying as it is, might be the only way to the intimacy you’re longing for.
Your silence has protected you. All of it.

The hinting, the hoping, the editing yourself down. And also, the part of you that knows there’s another way. The part that’s exhausted from performing. The part that wants to be chosen for who you actually are, not for the version you’ve been offering.

The practice starts with one true sentence. One boundary. One moment of letting your words match your body’s truth.

🖤

20/01/2026

It’s been some time since I last posted.

As we move into 2026, I’ve found myself reflecting on the year that’s just passed on the work, the learning, and the many quiet, meaningful moments of presence shared within the therapy space.

Over the past year, I’ve remained deeply engaged in reflective work and alignment, both within myself and within the therapeutic work I offer. This process has continued to shape my understanding of what supports safety, attunement, and the conditions where real change can gently unfold.

Throughout the year, Soma & Sage remained full, with a waitlist currently open. I feel deeply honoured to walk alongside individuals and couples as they navigate some of their most tender, complex, and transformative moments.

My work as an eclectic, integrative therapist, at the intersection of relationships, s’xuality, trauma, and emotional wellbeing, has continued to evolve through ongoing learning, training, and study. This commitment to growth is something I hold with care, knowing it directly shapes the depth and presence I bring into the room.

At the heart of what I offer is support for people to return to themselves, to reconnect with their authentic s*xual and relational self, to gently heal patterns shaped by stress, shame, or trauma, and to integrate these shifts so intimacy becomes something lived and felt, rather than performed.

Over time, this often looks like:
✨ intellectual understanding → embodied knowing
✨ self-protection → relational vulnerability
✨ isolation → meaningful connection
✨ surviving → growth and expansion
✨ disconnection → co-created intimacy
✨ numbness → full-bodied presence and pleasure

As we step into the year ahead, my intention remains clear: to continue offering therapy that is grounded, attuned, and responsive, and to walk alongside those ready to explore their inner and relational worlds with curiosity, care, and compassion.

If you’re yearning for a relationship where intimacy feels safe, for s’x that feels connected rather than performative, or for a life where you no longer have to quiet parts of yourself in order to belong,

I’m here.

🖤 Sage

26/06/2025

Intimacy doesn’t disappear overnight, it erodes slowly through unspoken needs, silent disconnection, and unresolved hurt.
⁠
There are 7 common patterns that quietly damage connection in long-term relationships including emotional avoidance, s*xual shame, and using s*x for validation.⁠
⁠
Left unaddressed, they create distance where closeness is needed most.⁠
⁠
If you’re ready to rebuild intimacy, communicate more openly, and reconnect in a meaningful way, this is a starting point.⁠
⁠
🧠 Which of these patterns feels familiar?
💬 Comment below or DM me ‘connection’ for a free resource.
🔗 Book a session via link in bio.⁠
⁠
*xualEducation

05/05/2025

What most people don’t realise is that your nervous system is constantly responding to the people around you.

It’s not just about what’s said — it’s about what’s felt.

This is where mirror neurons come in.

They’re the part of your brain that lights up when you see someone laugh, cry, tense, soften.

You don’t just notice their experience — you feel it, often in real time.

🔹 That moment your body relaxes when your partner exhales
🔹 That rush of desire when they undress
🔹 That knowing of what they feel before they say a word?

That’s not just emotional intuition. That’s your nervous system doing what it’s built to do.

What shapes that system?
🔹 Your early attachment experiences
🔹 How safe your body feels in connection
🔹 Whether you learned to stay present or shut down
🔹 Practices like breath, touch, movement, and attunement — all of which refine your ability to feel others

This stuff isn’t just theoretical. It’s lived. Felt. Practiced.

The more embodied and aware you are, the more your nervous system can co-regulate with others — syncing without words, building safety without trying.

Real intimacy isn’t about saying the perfect thing.
It’s about the energy exchanged between bodies.

And the truth is: your body’s been learning how to do that your whole life.

I’d love to hear your thoughts — have you ever noticed this kind of connection without words?

20/04/2025

Ever had a reaction during intimacy that felt “too much” for what was happening?

You freeze
You shut down
You feel overwhelmed by panic, rage, shame - or nothing at all
And later, you wonder - what just happened?

This is often how unresolved trauma shows up in s*x and relationships
It’s not an overreaction
It’s protection — a response your body learned to survive love 💕

When an experience is too overwhelming, your brain often doesn't store it as an integrated memory 🧠
Instead of a coherent story, it becomes fragmented—lodged in survival centres of the brain
So it resurfaces later, not just as memories, but as reactions - especially in moments of closeness

In s*x and relationships, trauma often shows up as physical responses:

Hyperarousal (on edge, hyper-alert):🏃🏻‍♀️
• Racing heart during intimacy
• Shallow breathing or trouble staying present
• Heightened sensitivity to touch or sound
• Urgency to act, fix, or leave — even when things seem “fine”
• Tension in the body (e.g. clenching, bracing)

Hypoarousal (shut down, numb): 😪
• Collapsed or frozen posture
• Disconnection or numbness during s*x
• Feeling checked out, spaced out, or “not there”
• Going through the motions without sensation
• Trouble expressing needs, wants, or boundaries

These aren’t in your head
They’re real signals from a system still wired for protection

Because trauma isn’t just about what happened —
It’s about how your nervous system learned to survive it
And those patterns can stay active, long after the danger is gone

You can love someone deeply,
and still feel unsafe in your body
You can want s*x
and still shut down when it begins

That’s why healing isn’t just about talking — it’s about working with the body

This might include:
• Learning your nervous system’s patterns in intimacy
• Regulating stress responses through body-based practices
• Rebuilding a felt sense of safety through breathwork, touch, movement, and co-regulation
• Reclaiming agency, pleasure, and connection — slowly, gently, and on your terms

Your body isn’t broken
It adapted
And with the right support, it can learn something new

💕 Sage

10/04/2025

Wondering why you shut down, snap, avoid, or people-please in your relationship?

These are signs of your nervous system’s threat response — not character flaws.

In close relationships, we don’t need danger for our survival instincts to kick in.

Stress, conflict, or emotional vulnerability can activate:

👉 Fight – Criticism, defensiveness, anger
👉 Flight – Avoiding hard conversations, needing space
👉 Freeze – Shutting down, going numb, feeling stuck
👉 Fawn – People-pleasing, over-apologising, keeping the peace at your own expense

These patterns are learned survival strategies — and they make sense.

But they can also get in the way of connection.

Want to understand how your nervous system is showing up in your relationship?

Head to my bio to book a free consultation

💕 Sage

17/07/2023

Thrilled to announce my latest research article 📚: "The Psychological Impact on Mothers Who Have Experienced Domestic Violence when Navigating the Family Court System."

Our review uncovered 4 major themes 📝:

1️⃣ Perpetrators using the court system as a means of coercive control.
2️⃣ Mothers experiencing secondary trauma due to the system.
3️⃣ Mothers being forced to relive their painful experiences.
4️⃣ The long-term psychological distress from engaging with the court system.

Sadly, we found that the family court system, intended to ensure justice and protection, can often facilitate continued abuse 😔.

This emphasises the urgent need for change in how the court system handles domestic violence cases and for a better understanding of these issues among legal professionals 🏛️.

Let's keep working towards a court system that truly supports and protects survivors, instead of contributing to their distress.

Please share and raise awareness.

Hit the link to read the full research! 📖💡
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/13218719.2023.2214927

04/05/2023

Take care of yourself to take care of your relationship❣

As a s*x and relationship therapist, I see couples prioritize their relationship over their own well-being.

But remember, self-care is crucial for maintaining a healthy and strong relationship.

When we prioritise our own needs, we can show up as our best selves for our partners.

So take time for self-care today - whether it's practicing mindfulness, going for a walk, or indulging in your favorite hobby. 🏃‍♀️

Your relationship will thank you!

What's your favorite self-care activity that helps you recharge and show up as your best self in your relationships? 🧘‍♀️

💕 Sage

# *xtherapist

Soma & Sage

18/02/2026

13/02/2026

05/02/2026

30/01/2026

24/01/2026

20/01/2026

26/06/2025

05/05/2025

20/04/2025

10/04/2025

17/07/2023

04/05/2023

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