20/08/2025
The first time I saw this image of myself I was unsurprised and at the same time disappointed.
It was completely unplanned to be photographed. I was working at a retreat and the photographer and I both had a spare few minutes, and so she invited me outside to capture a few photos of the environment. I was in the right place at the right time.
I distinctly remember the internal dialogue that was playing out when I said yes.
A mix of ‘Yes! What a beautiful opportunity to be captured’ along with ‘Gee I hope I don’t look to tired’ and ‘How can I hold my body and angle my face to hide my flaws’ and ‘What’s the best way to appear youthful and happy and feminine’.
‘How can I appear serene while sucking in my belly and stretching to remove any sign of a double chin?’.
The fact that it was completely unplanned and also over in the space of just a few minutes was both unsettling and also a godsend. Mind both racing and simultaneously not enough time to think too much about it.
I hoped for the best. I was excited and curious and also prepared myself for disappointment of the outcome.
When the link to the images arrived in my inbox I open them the moment I saw the email notification. My eyes immediately landing on the truths of my body. The fullness of my upper arms, the lines under my eyes, the downward energy at the edges of my mouth.
The truths felt confronting yet wildly unsurprising.
My arms have carried a mountain of responsibilities.
My eyes have seen seasons of scenarios.
My mouth has spoken lifetimes of experiences.
It only makes sense that my face and body have become a portrait of all that I have lived. And I tried to hide the privilege of having been gifted it all.
I was tempted not to share this picture, but I am too devoted to truth and love to become caught up in portraying an illusion of never changing.
And what an incredible privilege that the of gathering more lines and fullness and markings of a journey well traveled continues.
📸 by the incredibly talented and generous 💚💚💚
