06/11/2025
Parenting a child with PDA is enough. Please let go of any feelings of shame. Mind Co. offers advice here 🤗
💭 The Quiet Weight of Shame in PDA Parenting
If you’ve ever lain awake replaying the day,
wondering if you handled that meltdown “right”,
if you said too much, or not enough,
if you’re the reason things feel so hard?
So many PDA parents carry a deep, quiet shame.
Shame that whispers, “You’re not doing enough.”
Shame that says, “It shouldn’t be this hard.”
Shame that comes from being misunderstood, by professionals, family and friends.
But here’s the thing:
💛 You are parenting in conditions that would overwhelm anyone.
💛 Your child’s nervous system is not a reflection of your failures, it’s a reflection of their wiring.
💛 You are doing your best in circumstances that are relentless, complex, and often invisible to others.
When shame starts to take over, it disconnects us from self-compassion, and that’s when our own nervous system slips into survival mode.
Let’s work on that.
Tools for Moments When Shame Feels Heavy
1️⃣ Ground through your senses
Press your feet into the floor.
Feel the chair supporting you.
Notice your breath moving in and out.
Tell your body: “I am safe in this moment.”
2️⃣ Practice gentle self-talk
Try whispering:
“I’m learning.”
“I did my best with what I had.”
“I’m allowed to be human.”
Your nervous system needs kindness and self-compassion, not criticism.
3️⃣ Use the “Name it, Frame it, Reclaim it” method
🩶 Name it: “This is shame.”
💬 Frame it: “It makes sense I feel this way, this is hard.”
🌱 Reclaim it: “This feeling doesn’t define me. I can move gently forward.”
4️⃣ Anchor to compassion
Bring to mind a small, kind gesture, a look from your child, a moment of connection, a shared laugh.
Let that memory soften your body.
You are raising a child whose world demands more patience, creativity, and regulation than most people will ever understand.
And that makes you incredibly strong.
