07/11/2025
Recently I had someone question my expression of anger and it's validity and appropriateness (whether the 'emotion' was necessary and if it reflected an inherent 'wrongness' in my way of being).
At the time, this simply fired up my anger further and so I stammered and stumbled my way through trying to explain and justify. Their words felt like an attack, and not as a show of concern or interest (and tbh, I was outraged more than angry, at the current state of world affairs)
But it gave me food for thought. How do we react to a show of emotion (be it uncomfortable ones or not), of our own or others.
Is it to shut it down (shhh it, dismiss it as unrational, unvalued and unhelpful) and how is it best expressed.
What should we do when faced with injustice and despair?
Our emotions give us valuable information and it can lead to a purposeful call to action.
But anger or rage unchecked is mirrored in the horrors and pain that we see daily, used to justify violence and domination of others.
Anger, despair or overwhelm ignored or suppressed impacts relationships, our physical and mental health.
Shutting ourselves off from one emotion is likely to numb/shut us down to others eg of care, compassion (all are part of what makes us human).
We have a brain and a heart, we have thought, feelings and intuition - both can serve us well. But to choose to live in one over another can limit and constrain us.
So how do we come to use our emotions eg anger for good/in effective ways?
Being able to pause before reacting so we can engage our thinking brain is important. Sometimes we do have to 'park' things to give us a moment /chance to understand what's driving /at root of it first.
It may be version 2 of email or post we send out, but the version 1, is great to let off steam and have your say unfiltered.
We do know that many great movements in history of meaningful change have harnessed powerful emotions or combination of - to initiate, lead or maintain change against the grain at the time. It is unlikely many of these came from or were sustained from a place of emotional shutdown, or simply through thought.
So what might be some important things to remember so we are not consumed by our feelings; we do not simply lash out from a place of pain/hurt and neither do we shame or shut down.
So below are some key reflections;
-Keep self care going: in times of overwhelm, stay grounded and present. Effective action is difficult if we are not caring for ourselves; prioritizing sleep, nutrition, exercise, journalling. This is where these 'created self habits' really matter.
- knowing deeply, that no matter what is happening in the world, there are others who like you feel, care and want to create and support a humane world. While 'must have AI' reels show up, others will also catch your eye- those that value human connection, relationships and our existence in a nurtured healthy world.
Find those groups, people, causes that connect you to things that matter and which channel action in a way you can and want to contribute.
- we all have amazing qualities and strengths, I love writing and expression. Find joy and ways to make a difference that is uniquely celebrating you. Whether you're an artist, connector, social butterfly, event organiser, IT person...your skills, presence and heart matter.
- we don't have to create things ourselves, communities for change exist and organisations which contribute in positive ways to a just, fair, loving world.
Our big or small actions, deeds gives us agency in times when we feel powerless, and in ways we can sustain.
It may seem counter- intuitive, but my go to is always to try and find the humour, playfulness or silliness not in a macabre way but gosh we are all trying to navigate this thing called life and sometimes it really can bend and twist itself in the craziest ways.
Take the heat out of things for a moment, better to come back to it feeling light and relaxed then wound up like a tight stressed out knot.
So finally, I can't say that I'll apologize for using my voice to highlight an important issue (esp when I have one I can use), but I will remember to bring not just one emotion to the table but perhaps a few more such as compassion, thoughtfulness, trust, self belief, faith, openness to my words and actions as much as I can.
This way, we don't have to freeze and not act or become emotionally charged, but we draw on our presence, humanity and those of others to power change.
I will take time to pause to consider the different ways I can contribute and drive a call to action, to not just highlight all that is unjust but to contribute to building something better in its place, with or without the 'acceptance' of others.
