14/11/2025
So important to share this information so that we can all make a difference to the future of our children.
Some children grow up in homes where the real danger isn’t chaos or yelling - it’s the absence of emotional safety.
Maybe you grew up with a parent who…
• projected their own trauma onto you, making you responsible for their feelings
• shamed you for expressing needs, boundaries, or independence
• played the martyr - “after everything I’ve done for you…”
• kept score of the love, support, or money they gave, and made sure you knew what you “owed”
• made an example out of you when you slipped up, highlighting your mistakes instead of supporting your growth
• couldn't tolerate conflict, avoided hard conversations, or shut down the moment emotions appeared
• never owned their behaviour - only yours
Children raised in these dynamics don’t just “get over it.”
They learn to walk on eggshells.
They learn to stay small.
They learn that love is conditional.
They learn that their emotions are wrong or inconvenient.
They learn to be the peacekeepers, the fixers, the over-functioners.
And as adults, they often become the ones who:
• apologise even when they’re not at fault
• struggle to trust
• fear abandonment
• feel responsible for everyone else’s feelings
• avoid conflict because it never felt safe
• choose partners who repeat familiar patterns
• don’t know how to ask for what they need
Not because they’re broken - but because no one ever taught them what safety felt like.
And this is why healing matters.
Not just for us, but for the children we raise and the relationships we build.
When adults and couples do the work - therapy, boundaries, self-awareness, accountability, emotional literacy - we interrupt the cycle.
We show the next generation what it feels like to be heard, to be respected, to be loved without conditions. We build homes where children don’t have to earn safety - they simply have it.
Breaking intergenerational trauma isn’t about blaming our parents.
It’s about choosing something healthier for ourselves… and for the people who come after us.
Healing isn’t easy - but it’s how we change the story. 💛
