Lakeside Rooms

18/02/2026

When couples can’t hold both emotion and reason inside themselves, the relationship tries to “assign” the roles during conflict. One person gets labeled as “too much” (or “crazy”) and the other gets labeled as “cold.” But most of the time, it’s not about character. It’s about nervous systems trying to find safety.

If this is your dynamic, the work is learning to stay emotionally present without escalating, and to stay logical without disconnecting. Name what’s happening, slow it down, validate the feeling underneath the reaction, and reach for each other from the softer place. This is where security starts to form. 💚🪴

18/02/2026

17/02/2026

A Useful Self Help Strategy

The 5 senses grounding technique is something you use when your mind feels like it’s running away from you.

That might be when:

You feel anxious or panicky

You’re overthinking and can’t stop

You feel overwhelmed

You start dissociating or feeling “not here”

You’re stuck replaying something stressful

Your emotions feel bigger than your ability to handle them

*Why it helps:*

When you're anxious, your brain shifts into threat mode. It starts focusing on “what ifs,” worst-case scenarios, or intense feelings. Grounding works because it gently tells your brain:

“I’m here. I’m safe. I’m in the present.”

By focusing on your five senses, you shift attention away from racing thoughts and back to your body and environment. That calms your nervous system.

*When to use it (simple rule)*

Use 5 senses grounding when:

Your thoughts feel louder than reality

Your body feels activated (racing heart, tight chest, shallow breathing)

You feel disconnected from your surroundings

You need to interrupt a spiral

You don’t have to wait until you're at a 10/10 panic. It works best when you notice you're starting to climb.

*What it’s not for*

It’s not about:

Solving the problem

Making feelings disappear

Forcing yourself to be positive

It’s just about stabilizing yourself enough to think clearly again.

The core idea

We’re not trying to control your thoughts.
We’re helping your nervous system settle so your thoughts naturally slow down.

17/02/2026

Boundaries and belonging exist together, but how this works is something that takes loads of experience.

Children can’t learn respectful, kind, strong boundaries without someone who has modelled this over and over. It doesn’t have to be perfect every time, just enough times.

The presence kids and teens need from us is one that is warm AND strong. Love and leadership. They need both in the one person.

Strength without warmth will be experienced as controlling or bullying. Disagreement will come to mean rejection. To avoid rejection, they might be more likely to people please, say yes when they mean no, or denying their truth.

Warmth without strength will be experienced as ‘flaky’ or unreliable. If they don’t feel an adult leading, they will be more likely to take the leadership role from the adult. Someone has to fly the plane.

The third option is both - keep the boundary, add the warmth.

Make space for their disagreement, their ‘no’, and, hold the boundary with warmth.

‘Warmth’ doesn’t mean dropping the boundary. It means being kind, and not withdrawing our affection because of their response. It means rejecting the behaviour, not them

‘It’s okay to be angry at me. I won’t listen while you speak like that. Im right here. You’re not in trouble.’

‘I get why you hate this decision. It’s ok to be annoyed with me. I’m not changing my mind.’

‘It’s my job to keep you safe. I know it’s a tough decision and I’m not changing my mind. It’s okay to be angry at me.’

‘I care about you too much to let you do something unsafe. That’s my decision. I expect you’ll have a bit to say about it and that’s okay.’

If the give you information that does change your mind, it’s always ok to do that but make it clear it’s still a decision you’ve made in strength, not because you’ve been worn down: ‘What you said about … makes sense to me. I’d decided to change my mind.‘ OR, ‘Let’s talk about this calmly when you’re ready. What you’ve said about … makes sense to me. I’d like to talk about how we can make this happen in a way that works for both of us.’

This doesn’t have to be perfect - we’ll also reach the end of ourselves sometimes - it just has to be enough.♥️

17/02/2026

When something goes wrong in a relationship, there are two places the work lives:

Self work + relationship work.

(Positive comments are welcome; genuine questions are welcome; negative/demoralizing comments deleted. Thank you for understanding ❤)

27/01/2026

Anxiety on the first days or weeks of school is so normal. Why? Because all growthful, important, brave, hard things come with anxiety.

Think about how you feel on their first day of school, or before a job interview, or a first date, or a tricky conversation when you’re setting a boundary. They all come with anxiety.

We want our kids to be able to do all of these things, but this won’t happen by itself.

Resilience is built - one anxious little step after another. These anxious moments are necessary to learn that ‘I can feel anxious, and do brave.’ ‘I can feel anxious and still do what I need to do.’

The anxiety they feel in the first days or weeks of school aren’t a sign that something is wrong. It’s part of their development and a sign that something so right is happening - they’re learning that they can handle anxiety.

Even if they handle it terribly, that’s okay. We all wobble before we walk. Our job is not to protect them from the wobble. If we do, they won’t get to the walking part.

To support them through it, remind them that this is scary-safe, not scary-dangerous. Then, ‘Is this a time for you to be safe or brave?’

Then, ask yourself, ‘Is this something dangerous or something growthful?’ ‘Is my job to protect them from the discomfort of that growth, or show them they are so very capable, and that they can handle this discomfort?’

Even if they handle it terribly, as long as they’re not avoiding it, they’re handling it. That matters.

Remember, anxiety is a feeling. It will come and then it will go. It might not go until you leave, but we have to give them the opportunity to feel it go.

Tomorrow and the next day and the next might be worse - that’s how anxiety works. And then it will ease.

This is why we don’t beat anxiety by avoiding it. We beat it by outlasting it. But first, we have to handle our distress at their distress.

We breathe, then we love and lead:

‘I know you feel […] Of course you do - you’re doing something big here and this is how big things feel sometimes. It’s okay to feel like this. School is happening but we have five minutes. Do you want me to listen to your sad, or give you a hug, or help you distract from it?’❤️

21/01/2026

21/01/2026

15/01/2026