27/01/2026
Anxiety on the first days or weeks of school is so normal. Why? Because all growthful, important, brave, hard things come with anxiety.
Think about how you feel on their first day of school, or before a job interview, or a first date, or a tricky conversation when you’re setting a boundary. They all come with anxiety.
We want our kids to be able to do all of these things, but this won’t happen by itself.
Resilience is built - one anxious little step after another. These anxious moments are necessary to learn that ‘I can feel anxious, and do brave.’ ‘I can feel anxious and still do what I need to do.’
The anxiety they feel in the first days or weeks of school aren’t a sign that something is wrong. It’s part of their development and a sign that something so right is happening - they’re learning that they can handle anxiety.
Even if they handle it terribly, that’s okay. We all wobble before we walk. Our job is not to protect them from the wobble. If we do, they won’t get to the walking part.
To support them through it, remind them that this is scary-safe, not scary-dangerous. Then, ‘Is this a time for you to be safe or brave?’
Then, ask yourself, ‘Is this something dangerous or something growthful?’ ‘Is my job to protect them from the discomfort of that growth, or show them they are so very capable, and that they can handle this discomfort?’
Even if they handle it terribly, as long as they’re not avoiding it, they’re handling it. That matters.
Remember, anxiety is a feeling. It will come and then it will go. It might not go until you leave, but we have to give them the opportunity to feel it go.
Tomorrow and the next day and the next might be worse - that’s how anxiety works. And then it will ease.
This is why we don’t beat anxiety by avoiding it. We beat it by outlasting it. But first, we have to handle our distress at their distress.
We breathe, then we love and lead:
‘I know you feel […] Of course you do - you’re doing something big here and this is how big things feel sometimes. It’s okay to feel like this. School is happening but we have five minutes. Do you want me to listen to your sad, or give you a hug, or help you distract from it?’❤️
