06/11/2025
We talk so much about the woman in birth (and rightly so). But sometimes, in centring her, we forget him.
The father. The partner.
The one who helped create the energetic field (and the physical being!) in the first place. The one who was present at the moment of conception. Only three people know that moment - mother, father, baby. We call this the triad (thanks Mase, for this language, and the help pulling this thread). The mother-baby dyad, the mamatoto is the most important thing; the triad is the second most important thing. And the dad is uniquely positioned to protect and perceive the dyad because they’re a part of his field.
When a child is conceived, the woman carries that creation in her body.
When a child is conceived, the father carries it in his field.
And when the parents-to-be stay connected through intimacy, devotion, and love, he can feel what is required to uphold the integrity of the container.
Dads are worth listening to, their fears are valid.
He’s not an outsider to this mystery.
He’s part of it, woven into it, the other half of the spell.
This is not a role to minimise. Dads don’t need to be doulas or midwives or outside in the waiting room. Dads need to get to be Dads. Their role is to be in their fullest expression of their father-to-be archetype.
The father understands the container because he helped shape it.
He is holding the edge of the expansion, in all directions and dimensions.
He’s guarding the threshold so she can cross.
Birth is not just her initiation, it’s the forming of a family unit. And when it’s walked through consciously, the parents don’t just bring forth a child, they bring forth a new dimension of relationship, a new possibility for love on this planet.
How can we help fathers fully step into their magic in the birth space?
I have more to say on this and I say it in Birth Magic (and welcome my husband as a guest too to share his perspective).
We start our 6-week live round this Saturday. All the materials are lifetime access.
(Baby Leo and dada in 2022)