Under Your Birth Tree

11/12/2024

Santa was cheeky with his voyerism this year. So we decided to suprise him with a gluten-free and dairy free "milk & cookies" treat. He was not happy. I think all three of us are residents of the naughty list now 😉

16/09/2024

There was something etheric about being naked in the centre of a room, hearing only the sounds of pencils and charcoal racing on paper to catch the angles and curves of my body. The gaze of a stranger with only innocent ideals. Transformed me.

Their innocence in witnessing nudity in an artistic sense supported the transmutation of my own innocence in owning myself as a sensual woman - without anyone knowing and without needing to express it sexually with another. It was for me only, no one else.

To the artist I was posing. They were capturing the lines. Achieving their own objective. For me, I was running my Eros. I'm feeling everything and nothing at once. Healing my heart. I'm healing my relationship with my sensuality and myself.

I was innocent in my sensuality. I'm just sitting there, being myself completely. Innocence and sensuality - a duality I had never experienced before. I didn't judge it. I welcomed it. What a gift it is, to be alive to the senses, and to not judge a dam thing about it.

I am forever grateful for life modelling and the women who held space for me to learn.

28/03/2024

This cannot be correct?
Australia only facilitates and supports adoption of children from the below 13 countries ONLY!
I cannot believe that such a politically forward country has such a backwards approach to adoption legislation.

Only 13 countries?

Bulgaria
Chile
China
Columbia
Hong Kong
India
Latvia
Poland
South Africa
South Korea
Sri Lanka
Taiwan
Thailand

30/05/2023

You no longer have access to my life...

Mother 🐻 me starts now. In pre-conception.
It's time to bear teeth and illicit boundaries.

Motherhood is edging closer. I feel the inevitable relationship changes coming. I feel the dissapointment and grief with knowing that I wont have direct family support, emotionally, physically or spiritually.

It's already happening.

Family whom I have allowed to witness me and my life from the sidelines by giving them access to my social media, but who won't engage with me on any intimate level. We might as well be strangers.

There have been times when I have reached out for support and been met with silence, selfish redirection towards their own lives and stories, or using the information I share as family gossip and breaking my trust.

Intimacy is a beautiful thing. Another human being who has an entire universe and perspective of reality inside of them that is different to yours, is looking into your eyes and your soul, sharing apart of this with you. It is a gift to treasure. The triggers, the challanges, all of it is fu***ng glorious if your brave enough to meet the depth of intimacy that will inevitably come in holding those challanging convos!

It's time to look at these souls and notice wether or not they truly see ME in return. Love ME unconditionally and respect MY sovereignty.

Not everyone deserves to have access to you, your life, your intimacy, your choices, and your social media.

I am no longer giving of myself out of obligation or a sense of duty. My love is too deep for that. My soul is too precious to not be recieved and chosen fully.

I am CREATING my family. My tribe. Only allowing those who love both Sean and I unconditionally and respect our sovereignty access into our lives and hearts.

My CHILDREN are be too precious for a lack of effort.

My job is to protect both them and myself.

It starts now.

I give you permission to unfriend me if you feel that you cannot or don't want to be apart of this.

Please for the love of Goddess DO IT! All power to you.

11/01/2023

A glimpse inside the life of a birth worker 💫

My journey supporting women birthing has paused for now. The emotional roller-coaster can become overwhelming when there are huge transformable circumstances in everyday life.

A birthkeeper can't sustain this level of emotional rollercoaster-ness if the self and personal life needs aren't taken care of first and foremost.

You can't Pour from an empty cup.

****

A past client reaches out and shares that she’s pregnant again and you’re the first one she tells! She’s so excited to have you be a part of her experience again. You share her excitement and exchange this happy emotion together; celebrating!

The phone rings, a client of yours is bleeding at 15 weeks. She’s worried and has a history of loss. You share her concern and worry! You go over to listen for a heartbeat to find only a functioning placenta, no fetal tone, no baby’s heartbeat. You look in her eyes and don’t need to say a word. You feel her sadness, defeat, and lack of hope. Without choice, you carry that home and it sits on your mind heavily for the next few days; that look on her face. You couldn’t stop thinking about her even if you tried.

It’s 2am, the phones ringing. You fumble to pick it up, answer the call with a groggy half asleep and crackly voice. A woman is in labor and is ready for you to head over. The adrenaline flows, you get your clothes on and rush out the door with your things. You show up, it’s beautiful, everything is serene! The whole family is around her, as she wished. The baby is born, everything looks great! What a beautiful birth! You are just bathing in oxytocin and feeling on top of the world along with this woman and the rest of the family. - but then the baby stops breathing. The room gets cold, everyones eyes get wide, this is an emergency and it’s time for action. Oxytocin is suppressed by the outpouring of adrenaline. You act quickly and do what is necessary to get baby stable. Pulse oxygen checks out over the next few hours, the room is calm, you can feel the peace in the room. Baby is nursing, mom is smiling, her partner is gazing at her like she’s the most incredible woman ever. You leave with a smile on your face, covered in vernix, blood, amniotic fluid, and a full and happy heart.

Text message comes through on the way home, a different client is having a miscarriage and is devastated. She asks if you are willing to order labs. You do whatever she needs while feeling her deep sadness as your own. This is the third time in a row, you know she was really excited and positive this time. It doesn’t make sense and it’s not fair. You couldn’t stop caring and feeling for her even if you wanted to.

A past client of yours calls to let you know that she had her consecutive baby at home 10 minutes ago with just her and her partner. She’s over the moon, you hear the euphoria in her voice. She is clearly empowered by her experience and proud that she did it all by herself. You feel so happy and proud for her that she felt confident to birth alone, you told her the whole pregnancy she could and would! You can’t stop smiling, you’re so happy for her!

Colleague calls you after a hard birth she just attended. She needs to “unpack” and talk about what she just witnessed and experienced. She’s crying hysterically at first until she calms down. You know what that’s like, BTDT. She shares the story with you - baby was stuck and she had to help release a dystocia. Baby is born with a poor APGAR, zero effort of coming around. The room fills with concern and the energy rises. She couldn’t see or hear anything in that moment aside from that baby. She didn’t have to think about what to do, her hands just did what she was taught to do and had done before; that muscle memory. Baby became stable and mom was fine. As the adrenaline stopped flowing she was filled with emotion and bursts into tears. You had a similar experience before and feel for her and what she’s feeling as she drives home from this experience. You talk with her, tell her she did a great job and remind her that she has the heart and to keep going. You think about her the rest of the day and hope she’s doing okay with processing as the experience settles in her mind, because you know how it is.

You go to a prenatal and meet a new client. You connect and share smiles, answer all of her questions, complete the prenatal evaluations, and everything checks out! Everyone is happy! You hug each other before leaving her home. She held you so tight, you stayed in that hug a little longer than you normally would. She didn’t know, but you really needed that genuine tight hug, because the night before you witnessed one of the scariest experiences of your career. You truly weren’t fully mentally present the whole day because that family is all you can think about, you’re sick to your stomach remembering what happened and how things played out. But her hug…. That was the oxytocin and connection needed to help balance out the deep sadness and nauseated feeling you’ve been holding all day.

I could go on and on. It keeps going just like this; up and down on an emotional rollercoaster. A concoction and fluctuation of oxytocin and adrenaline that is experienced on a far more regular bases than most other humans or those in other careers, it’s a fact. The up and down of emotions can lead to over stimulation sometimes. This makes it challenging to respond to messages, texts, and emails for a day or two sometimes. You don’t always have the capacity to offer anymore of yourself to anyone else. Some days you have to take for yourself and just sit somewhere alone, doesn’t matter where, the grocery store parking lot works. It’s nice to just sit there and cry sometimes, rubbing your leg to remind yourself that you are here in the present and you’re okay. Other days you are on top of the world at 4am after a birth, you don’t even need to sleep you’re so pumped up, so you take your kids to the park for a bit and just smile uncontrollably like a weirdo. It’s a wild ride!

Birth work is beautiful, at least the parts that are most often shared about. Though, sometimes is not beautiful. Sometimes it’s dark, scary, emotional, and challenging. Sometimes you need a day or two to recover and reboot yourself. Keep these things in mind when you reach out to your doula, midwife, birth photographer, or friends that are in these professions. There is much more going on than meets the surface. Have understanding if they don’t reply right away, know that it’s not you, it’s them. They are filling their cup back up and will reply when they can. If they forget, reach out again in a few days. You never know, maybe they aren’t doing okay, but maybe they just genuinely forgot to reply. Just have grace. It’s a heck of a career and journey to take on; one that I love so very much. I have no complaints - all of it is worth it ✨

****

This content is not my original words, and although I deeply resonate and can relate I cannot take creative credit for this beautiful deep amd raw share from the heart.
Much love birthing sisters.

Yours in womancraft,
Esther
Xx

07/01/2023

BECOMING AN ELDER

Leaving behind my journey of struggling and racing through
the white water of many rivers, I become the river,
creating my own unique way.
Leaving behind my self-imposed role as a tree upon
which others have leaned, I now become the wind,
with the freedom to blow whenever and wherever I choose.
Leaving behind the boxes I’ve created in my life, crammed with
roles, responsibilities, rules and fears,
I become the wild and unpredictable space
within which flowers sprout and grow.
Leaving behind the years of yearning for others
to see me as somebody,
I soften into becoming my future,
with permission from SELF to
continually unfold as I choose, without concern
for how others may see me.
Leaving behind years of telling and teaching,
I become instead a mirror
into which others can peer and
view reflections of themselves to consider.
Leaving behind the urge to provide answers for others,
I become – in the silence of this forest retreat
– the question.
Leaving behind the rigor of my intellect,
I become a single candle in the
darkness, offering myself as a beacon for others
to create their own path.
I become an elder.

~Cathy Carmody~

23/07/2022

Couldn't have said it better myself. ❤️

“The healing and protection of women is not just for women...

Every human being is born through the womb of a woman and gestates in her body for nine months. This makes the womb a sacred container and a divine portal through which life is created.

When a woman is violated, the fear & trauma she experiences makes an imprint in this sacred container which stays until and unless it is healed.
In the unfortunate state of humanity, women on this planet have been violated and suppressed for millennia, creating imprints of trauma that carry over lifetime after lifetime in the matrices of our wombs.

These imprints are then passed down energetically to the unborn children who gestate like a sponges in the womb while their bodies and energy fields are just forming.

And so the trauma has spread like a disease of the soul, passed down from mother to child through the generations.

I have seen this again and again in my soul healing work.
We have all been formed in a field of trauma.
All of us... both female and male.
And we see the state of the world today, full of fear and violence, and we wonder why.

If we are ever to see this world a different place, where we live without fear and in a state of love & oneness, the wombs of women need to be recognized and protected as the sacred formers of life and consciousness that they are.”

~ Maleda Gebremedhin
www.into-the-mythica.com/maleda-gebremedhi

Art by Betty Albert
www.sa-cinn.com/betty-albert-artcards-prints/

27/06/2022

Mount Beerwah.
Mumma Beerwah.
In Aboriginal storytelling, the story of the glasshouse mountains, my home, is that Mount Beerwah is the pregnant mother and Mount Tipperogargan (unsure of correct spelling) is the father. All of the surrounding mountains and hills are their offspring.

When I moved to this land, it was in a rush, a whirlwind. It almost felt like a rescue situation from what was an aweful situation unfolding that we left behind us

I met Mount/ mumma beerwah at her feet, at the base of the summit climb and I asked for her permission to live on this land. I poured my heart out. I shared my desires for being here to help support women and families with all their health and well-being desires, goals and needs. To love and give hope. To be a beacon for reclamation, redemption and empowerment. And to grow my own family.

I'm grateful for this place I call home.

I have always craved a stable family unit, and now I have it nestled in the mountains here at glasshouse mountains 🥰

25/06/2022

Ladies who are due to birth and are having fears around death arise…

I hear you in your fears and concerns that might be arising when it comes to your upcoming birth.

One thing that we as a society have severely dissociated from Is the Normality of death. Death, just like life, is a right of passage that none of us escape. Fearing death will cause us to stay put in a cycle of perpetual habitual routine and disempowerment.

There has been some media coverage surrounding death lately, in particular the media highlighting and demonizing deaths within home births.
Life is a privilege. Not a given. A baby chooses its experience and its timing.

Death education is so very important in any birthing space whether it be home, hospital or in theatre. Life is not guaranteed. Women pass away from reactions to General anaesthesia in theatre. Birthing in a hospital does not provide a guarantee, nor should it.

Homebirth is still the safest choice for all outcomes for both mum and baby.

I hear you honey in that you are starting to feel the fear. But please recognise what it actually is. Fear. If you focus on the negative outcomes that would cause a death in your birth, then it is just as likely to happen as a sudden unexpected passing.

Remember who you are! Remember your strength and courage.

Bottom line is, regardless of birthing space- it's important to regulate your nervous system regarding the fear of death. Take good care of yourself mentally emotionally and spiritually as well as physically. Please don't let self doubt kick in due to the hearts and minds of the women around you who are also affected by the fear of death.

Sometimes honesty and transparency is required and my post is meant with love and a dash of reality. Death is one doorway, life is another. Our perspective on the event is where trauma comes from. Our dissociation from the Normality of death is also where it comes from.

At the end of the day, you know you. You know your body and your baby. Whatever choice you make in regards to the birthing place will not guarantee anything. That's the beauty of bringing new life into the world. Sometimes that new life might mean a new perspective on life itself.

Please write down on a piece of paper the experience you are wanting to have with your upcoming birth, and meditate on it. Affirm it. Say it all the time until you believe it. Until you can feel it in your bones.

Also have a conversation with your baby. Let them know that you love them, thank them for choosing you. Connect with them.

May you be blessed with a beautiful birth.

23/06/2022

Such a beautiful review from a recent happy family

22/06/2022

I did not crawl through the shards of my own brokenness to live a mediocre life.
I've prepared for absolute magic.
No longer do I worry about whether I intimidate people.
Whether I'm too much.

Or Too little.
Not this. Not that.
I birth on the daily.
My life is absolute fertile ground.
I birthed myself through fire.
I'll birth and create whatever the heck I please day in day out.

Taking up every atom, every cell of my existence from the inside out. I've met every demon. I've crawled through every spider Web. Been bitter by my own self sabotaging shadows.
And I'll do it again and again for the rest of my life.

Why?

Because I realised that there is no power outside of myself. No one to rescue me. I am made of Nature. Of God. Which means I have the same power. God is not outside of me. She is within me, and all around me.

This was simultaneously the biggest wake up call and the most liberating realisation I have ever had.

This is Radical self responsibility, not only for the brokenness and blazing fires I have walked through and created, also for the magic and beauty I have made and am continuously creating.

The good doesn't exist without the evil.
No dark without light.
No black without white.
It all exists together.
This is Alchemy.

Yours in fire, redemption and reclamation,
Esther
xx